byerscrossroads

Last Post

2011-03-11T11:12:00.004-05:00

Yes, this last post is just a reminder that we have now moved over to the new blog at:

www.byerscrossroads.com

Won't you join us over there and continue to follow along our journey? If you still need the password, please email me at brandi_byers@yahoo.com

I just cannot believe it

2011-03-10T12:17:00.004-05:00

Everyday we are getting closer. It feels real, but sort of not. I have lived and breathed adoption for 2 years now. It just seems weird that it's actually coming close to happening to us. I have watched it happen so many times to other folks, prayed with them, cried with them. And I knew *one day* it would happen to us.

Someone pinch me. Is it possible I may be meeting my son this time next month? I just don't have anything to compare to what I am feeling right now. Happy, joyful, scared, anxious, fearful, excited. My husband kept asking how excited I was as he walks around with a permagrin on his face these last couple of days. I am very excited, but it just doesn't feel real yet. I lay awake at night and think of him always. I cannot remember now who said it, but someone compared their kiddo to a superstar, like you've been staring at these pictures and all of this stuff for months, what do you do when you finally meet them? I mean, what would Reece do if she met Justin Bie*er? Sorry, I'm all over the place today and I have no idea how to put this all in words!!!

Yup, your reading the right blog, EP Approval!!!!

2011-03-09T15:10:00.005-05:00

On that day when I thought I could not bear the "no news" wait anymore. When I was literally outside sweeping leaves with a broom to keep myself busy (no kidding, ask my husband who was watching me like I was crazy outside our living room window), we finally get the email we've been praying so hard for....EP APPROVAL!!!

So your thinking, great, now what? Well more waiting of course! You didn't think it would be that quick did you?! Here is the breakdown of what still needs to happen:

Embassy Appearance: Where he will get his adorable visa photo done. Could happen this week, but by next week for sure.

Visa Physical: This is done at an outside hospital. They do these in batches every week. At the beginning of the year these were being done very quickly, but lately it's taken some groups a month to get an appointment. Let's pray that we get an appointment before a month! Our agency seems to think 3 weeks at the most for this. I hope she's her normal pessimestic self :-) She will let us know as soon as we get our appointment and I will pass along that good news!

Visa Interview: For the life of me I cannot imagine what kind of interview they do for a one year old. I think it's just something that needs to be done in person to make sure everything is in order. This is something they track at USCIS, so I hope they are getting ready for my weekly phone calls to see if this has happened yet :-)

Once this is all together, then we will get the all important travel call!! We will then have 10 days to book our travel and hotel and get our butts in gear to go get our son (not that I haven't been packed up since February)! Our agency is tellling us 4-5 weeks until travel call. I'm continuing to pray for travel call this month, but I am just excited that I can finally say with confidence that I will see my son next month! :-)

Also, just another reminder that I will be no longer posting to this blog after Friday. If you want to continue along our journey, please move over to:

www.byerscrossroads.com

All of our posts will be password protected, so please email me or leave a comment if you would like the password to follow along!

When I get down

2011-03-03T12:48:00.004-05:00

I get really down. It's no mystery that this adoption has definitely taken it's toll on my mood. I checked my email last night and was completely trying to hold my screams down when I saw an email from our agency. "This is it! This is the EP approval email we have been waiting for so long! Asher is on his way to coming home!" I collected myself enough to manage to click the email.

Imagine the drop in my soul when I realize they are telling me that our fingerprints expire on April 11th (do not even get me started on why fingerprints expire) and they are suggesting that we get these redone because we may not be traveling by then. Not traveling by April 11th. I just read those words over and over again. And I cried. Again. I cannot fathom not having our travel call by April 11th. I have no idea what is taking so long with this batch of EP's we are in. We had our hopes so high for traveling in March and realistically that is probably not going to happen. I am trying to be positive. Reading my scripture for support. Putting on my smiley face. It's all about being graceful in the wait. Understanding that it WILL happen. That I have no control over this. But then I have to remind myself that it's ok to be sad and disappointed about it. It doesn't mean that I don't believe any less. It doesn't mean that I am throwing a pity party for myself. I don't have to beat myself up for being sad. It's ok.

So, I am letting myself feel this disappointment so that I can just move on. Point blank, this sucks. Yes, I am thankful that Asher is being taken care of. Yes, I am thankful for how far we've come. Yes, I know that there is an end in sight. But today, I'm just morning my boy. It physically hurts that we are not together (migraine from hell last night).

Just so you know, I'm feeling better today and praying for a more positive week next week. I was told 5 weeks at the most for EP approval and Monday will be 5 weeks of waiting for us. It's got to happen next week. I'm taking hope in that.

Price drop!!

2011-03-01T13:49:00.004-05:00

As ladies, don't we just love those two words? No seriously. I do. Things have changed a lot around here the last few years, and for the better I might add in the finance department. We started our family very young (as in I graduated from college almost 5 months preggers with Kyleigh), so we never really had a "nest" built up you wouldn't say. Tack on 3 different student loans, car payment, mortgage, credit cards, groceries, utilities, etc. and it was a recipe for disaster. We spent a couple of really hard years just floating through all of it. But, we made it through and live to tell the tale. Once I got into a decent paying job, things seemed to level out a bit, but it doesn't mean we were any better really with being responsible with our money, we just had more of it to spend. Again, we would put things on our credit card or eat out just because or I would feel the need to "treat" myself to that pedicure every week or so. When I started working from home, things changed a bit and seriously took a turn when I started toying with the idea of quitting my job and staying at home.

I took out my highlighter one month and just went through and organized our expenses for a month and I couldn't believe how much we spent on just eating out alone. Yes, I worked late a lot and was so overwhelmed at that time with everything going on and eating out was SO much easier, but still. You just get a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach when you sit and break things out like that. It's so easy with debit cards to not really see where your money is going until you get that monthly statement. A change was going to have to be in order if I was seriously considering quitting my job and staying at home. We had already begun a year ago to only use our credit card for online purchases or emergencies and cut up any other ones we still had. We cut out eating lunches out. Cut out eating dinners out 3-4 nights a week. Cut out shopping at the mall just because and really started looking for deals.

It started out as a tool to see if our family could afford one income, but it became so much more. I just couldn't believe how much money we wasted before we started using coupons and shopping smarter. I swear I would not be able to sleep at night if we spent money like we did back then! I feel guilty for buying anything without a coupon now! Of course you can take it too far and get obsessed with couponing (there are some crazy folks out there online!), but for the most part, we have saved an incredible amount of money on everything from groceries to clothes to toiletries and diapers. In fact, I've not paid full price for any pack of diapers we have for Asher and after over 18 months of buying diapers, we are pretty stocked up!

I wanted to share a few tools I use with everyone. Below are just a few sites that I check out for coupons and deals. Depending upon what stores are in your area, you might find a site that works for you! We also get a Sunday paper and have signed up for several coupon sites (groupon, etc.) which lets us get deals for half price! Hope you guys enjoy!!!

http://www.southernsavers.com
http://www.moneysavingmom.com
http://www.thethriftycouple.com
http://www.becentsable.net
http://www.mycouponteacher.com
http://www.budgetsavingmom.com
http://www.momsbyheart.net
http://www.smartcouponing.com
http://www.passionforsavings.com
http://www.freestufftimes.com
http://www.dealfindingchik.blogspot.com
http://www.happyhomemakercindy.com
http://www.savingdollarsandsense.com

I have signed up for email deals on the following sites:

http://www.groupon.com
http://www.livingsocial.com

If you have a favorite restaurant or clothing store, sign up for their emails. I regularly get coupons for Old Navy, Gap, Children's Place, Kohl's and restaurants like Friday's, Quiznos, Ruby Tuesdays, etc. I want to say at least once a week I get a coupon from each of these places!

I also do some online survey taking. You are in no way going to get rich from this, but the points sure come in handy around Christmas....and when you have to re-buy all of your baby stuff years later! We haven't paid full price for any baby items we had to buy for Asher! I rack up the points from survey taking and cash them in for gift cards for Amazon, etc. Several Christmas presents were bought this way this past Christmas and I'm hoping between these and the twice a year toy mark down at Target (look for this in January and July...toys marked down 30-75% off!!), our Christmas will be paid for in full and at half price :-)

http://www.swagbucks.com
http://www.mypoints.com
http://www.i-say.com
http://www.opinionoutpost.com
http://www.globaltestmarket.com

So pretty much now we either buy it on sale, with coupon, on sale with coupon (which we LOVE) or we just don't buy it at all. I've learned to be patient and wait things out (oh the patience I've had to learn these last couple of years!). Hope these sites help some of you guys out and happy deal hunting! I know my coupons for Old Navy are about to be used to get some much needed Spring clothing around here :-)

An ongoing reminder

2011-02-27T12:21:00.005-05:00

So I am incredibly excited to see some warm weather this way. I am one of those folks that their mood is affected by the weather and just this weekend has made the biggest difference to be out in the sunshine. It brings a much needed smile to my face. I mean, I smile all of the time...and I have plenty to smile about.

I have two beautiful daughters to call my own, a seriously wonderful husband, shelter and plenty of food, great friends and family. Our family is healthy and all of our needs are met. The only thing missing now is our son. I smile everyday because I feel so thankful and sometimes overwhelmed by all of it.

It's taken me a lot to understand that it's OK for me to be happy and to let myself feel joy. Sometimes I would feel guilty and sorrowful about other folk's situations and not allow myself to feel happy or sometimes I would let old ghosts from the past haunt how I felt about things. And the adoption...it's so much easier than I thought it would be to really focus on the negative (meaning we still don't have Asher home and have absolutely no answer or information as to when that might happen) than to remember all of the positives of this.

I've learned a lot of lessons and sadly I'm so stubborn I've learned most of them the hard way. As much as this hurts everyday to not have my son home, I'm ultimately thankful for the wait. At some point, I quit putting on my "poker face" of everything being OK and realized that it really was. All of this wait is for a purpose. Maybe mine, maybe Asher's, maybe someone else's. But either way, I know I've learned so much about how my mental outlook affects my life, about how I depend on my husband and my Savior for support, about how I portray my situation to others.

I feel like I've posted on this so many times, but this is a process if I'm being honest here. I've learned adoption is and just being a Christian is. I do not wake up every morning always with unfailing confidence. I continue to make mistakes even when I am trying my best. I need constant reminders that I do not need to depend (or stalk!) information or updates from others or be anxious about how long things are taking. I cannot worry about how or why things have slowed down. Worrying gets me nowhere. What I can do is to remind myself that even though I have no information and I feel completely out of control here, that is OK. It's all being taken care of. The only thing I need to do is be still and wait and have patience in the good things that are in store. I need to push out those old feelings of anxiety, fear, stress. I need to replace them with joyful expectation and faith. I need to get off of the Holt boards and go play in the dirt with my kids. I need to let it go and have real peace with it. I really needed this reminder after last week and I continue to pray for all of my adoption buddies that are waiting on referrals, I-600 approvals, EP approvals and travel calls. I hope we all see movement this week, but if not, that we find peace in whatever comes.

I am going private in the next two weeks...

2011-02-25T12:47:00.004-05:00

We have come so far in this adoption journey and I want to be able to share pictures and updates, so in two weeks on March 11th I will release a new blog. Everyone will be able to access the blog, but you will need our password to view the posts as they will be protected. I have left information such as Asher's timeline and our basic family information for everyone to see as I found viewing other blogs during this adoption process has been incredibly helpful. It's bittersweet to make everything private, but I know we need to protect Asher's privacy until he is an official US citizen!

The reason I am posting this now is I am going to compile a list of folks and their email addresses so I can send you the new blog address and password to view. I have made so many great friends through this process along with so many of my already wonderful friends and I hope that you all will continue to follow us along this journey!

On adoption progress note...I wish I had EP approval news to share, but I don't. It's been a really disappointing week between Asher's birthday and no EP approval, but we are staying strong in knowing that it's all in God's hands and we will be united with our son soon!!

Working through the emotions

2011-02-21T12:59:00.006-05:00

So, today is hard. There is nothing soft and easy about it. Today my friends is Asher's first birthday. And he is turning one without us.

When we started this process, we thought for sure we would have our son/daughter home by their first birthday. God has other plans. I was having lunch with a fellow adoption buddy I met through church on Friday and we were talking about our timing versus God's timing. I would have had this happen so many times already, but every time that "date" in my head passes without anything to show for it I am sad yes, but there is always a reason for the wait. Maybe it was a heart change that needed to happen or maybe a connection that needed to be made or something that needed to happen for Asher and his Foster Family. Sometimes I know what these reasons are and sometimes the time passes and I don't have a clue.

While I have swallowed back a couple of tears today (and last night), I'm trying to stay focused that my time lines aren't always right. Seriously, so far my plans have paled in comparison. I am sad we didn't get to share this special time with him. I wish he was home. But I know his foster family has given him a wonderful celebration and I just hope they took bunches of pictures!!!

We did celebrate last night by going out for Korean and it was delish! We had dumplings, galbi (Korean marinated short ribs), bulgogi (marinated *spicy* chicken), bunches of side dishes I had no clue what their names were and bibimbap (which is a vegetable, beef and rice mixture with spicy red soybean mixture). We were worried if the girls would like it, but they loved it! Our nice waitress even brought more of one of the mystery side dishes because Reece literally ate the entire thing :-)

I really tried not to cry, but I have to admit I got teary eyed on the way home. Of course what comes on the radio but that darn "While I'm waiting" song to just make matters even worse! We got a birthday cake for Asher and sang him Happy Birthday and the girls' blew out his candle for him. I couldn't get through the song without tearing up, so I "conveniently" had something to clean up while they were doing this :-(

While I am still sad today, I am at peace. This is out of my hands and has been from the beginning. I'm praying for peace and understanding. I'm praying that we hear something tomorrow about EP approvals. If we can get our EP approval this month, there is a great chance we will travel in March. I hope we get some great news for Asher's birthday week tomorrow!!!!!

Tonight while our family is sleeping

2011-02-16T15:07:00.004-05:00

Korea is fast at work. The 14 hour time difference right now is nice because they are always a day ahead, so it feels like I get news faster.

We found out on Monday that the EP group ahead of us got their approval. Yup, we are next in line! I'm praying, hoping, wishing, begging for our approval this week! The holiday at the beginning of the month slowed things down a bit, but I really hope they are back to cranking things out. I'm still holding onto hope that I will open my email on Friday or Monday and see those wonderful "Your EP has been approved" words. I've been taking comfort in knowing that while I sleep, so much is happening there....because let's be honest here, I'm looking for anything I can to hold onto during this wait :-)

After EP approval, then Asher will have his Embassy Appearance, Visa Physical and Visa Interview before he will be completely ready for travel. I'm still trying to figure out the process for those things over there. I know some agencies will do these before EP approval is even given, but I'm not sure about Holt. I'm thinking everything is done after EP approval. And I've been told that they batch the physicals as well, so I'm not sure about that and we may have to wait until they do another batch. I'm praying that some of this stuff has already been done and that we will not run into anymore bumps in the road bringing this little guy home! After EP approval, we are looking at 4/5 weeks until travel call. Fingers crossed it's sooner!

I'm going private soon!

2011-02-10T11:35:00.003-05:00

So I just recently found out that I can show off all of the pictures I want as long as my blog is private...what am I waiting for! I am trying now to figure out how to set this darn thing up or if I need to create a new one all together (if anyone has any advice on this I would greatly appreciate it!!!), so it will be another week or two I'm sure, but I wanted to give everyone a heads up.

I have really enjoyed being able to openly follow other blogs and make all of the friendships I have through them, but I don't want to wait another 6 months after Asher is home to post his pictures! I will give everyone notice if you want to continue to follow and hopefully will have this all set up before we get our travel call :-)

EP Submission!!!!

2011-02-09T13:49:00.004-05:00

So I finally heard back from my agency.....

First of all, Asher is doing much better, which puts my heart at ease. I felt so unsettled not knowing what was going on. So thankful again for such a wonderful foster family!!

Secondly, they sent 3 absolutely adorable pictures of Asher! I cannot believe how big he has gotten. He truly looks like a toddler now (his birthday is coming up on the 21st). I'm so thankful to have these pictures. They make the wait not feel so horrible.

Thirdly, our EP submission has already happened! We figured it would be later this month, but thankfully it happened on January 31st! Korea was fast moving in January with these EP submissions and approvals, but with the new year holiday last week, it seems things have slowed back down. There is one EP set in front of us waiting for approval. I'm praying they get their approval this week and we get our approval next week!

If we can get our EP approval in the next 2 weeks, there is a good chance we will still get to travel next month. There are still a couple of steps after EP approval (visa interview, embassy appearance, etc.) that need to happen, but normally these are wrapped up within the month. Holt does batch the physicals for these kiddos, so that might slow us up if we miss being included in a batch, but hopefully most of the large road blocks are out of the way now.

It's crazy to think this time next month we might be on a plane to go get our son! Thanks everyone so much for all of your thoughts and prayers!

Reece made me think about a bigger bed

2011-02-07T12:13:00.004-05:00

So I've had sleep a lot on my mind in anticipation of Asher coming. I'm mentally trying to prepare myself for the nights without sleep again...and my husband, who doesn't seem to be worried about it so much. Maybe because you could put a blow horn to his head at night and he won't move. Let's see how a screaming 1 year old works :-)

Kyleigh has always been pretty good about sleep. She slept through the night pretty early as a baby and we never really had any issues until she was 3. She had a bad dream one night and we let her in our bed...which turned into two nights, 3....you get the drift. It took months to get her to sleep back in her own bed alone. She would go to bed and then sneak in our bed in the middle of the night. I am a very light sleeper, so I would usually wake up, but she got very sneaky and more times than not I would wake with her in my back. Luckily now she is awesome about bedtime and goes right to bed promptly at 8:30.

Reece on the other hand has never been a sleeper. Like ever. She gave up naps at 2. Yeah. All those moms that would talk about the stuff they would get done during 3 hour nap times I never had that wonderful notion. She still doesn't sleep. She fights bedtime every night still. We *start* at 8/8:30. Starting earlier doesn't work any better I will add first. We tried earlier and it just means fighting for longer periods of time. It's usually a 40 minute ordeal before she finally gives up and stays in her room. We hear every excuse...I'm hot, I'm thirsty, I'm not tired, I cannot hear my radio, etc. etc. etc. And she's up in the middle of the night too. Yup, sneaks in our bedroom just like Kyleigh did. On average 3 nights out of the week I wake up next to her. She is vocal about not liking sleep. She asked me this weekend if God had to go to sleep and I told her God wasn't like us and really didn't have a bedtime. "well, when I grow up I want to be God then so I don't have to sleep". Yes folks, this is our Reece a roni :-)

So, I know Asher's sleep transition is going to take some time. I'm trying to decide how to tackle things to have a game plan, but I also know it depends greatly on Asher's grieving and also what he is used to. I'm sure we will co-sleep for a while...but I bought a crib with purpose, so I'm hoping in a few months we will be able to transition him over. I think everyone does better when they get a good night's sleep in their *own* bed!!

Any sleep advice or tips to share?

Fun at Marbles Museum!!

2011-02-05T20:05:00.009-05:00

You know, we've been here for 6 months and we hadn't checked out the children's museum, so we decided last weekend as a girl's day out we were going to go! We were there for 6 hours and they had a blast! I'm seriously thinking of getting a family membership, especially to have somewhere to go this summer and with Asher as well to play indoors on rainy days. Here are some pictures from all of our fun :-)

Kyleigh wouldn't come out to perform on stage, but you know Reece will put on a show!

Here I am behind the camera holding my heart watching them set up water play with a sweet

Korean cutie

Reece delivering the pizza she made :-)

Got to love that smile!

Reece working hard cutting her wood

Showing off the mannequins they turned into models

How can I put into words how much I love him?

2011-02-04T11:53:00.004-05:00

So my husband rocks. Seriously. This man is a saint. Valentine's is coming up and I am racking my brain trying to think of something to do. This past year he has been incredible, supportive, my best friend, a shoulder to cry on when I needed it and my strength.

You know, every year and every time we have something big happen in our lives, I just cannot imagine loving him more, and yet I do. I think back 13 years ago when we met and I would have never imagined our lives now. And to top it all off, we are going on our first date since September tonight! I'm not normally a huge NBA basketball fan, but Bobby absolutely loves basketball! This will be the 2nd time we will go see King James play (Bobcats v/s Heat), so he is pretty excited. Let's hope that 5 hr energy drink kicks in for that late 3 hour drive home!!!

His mom is coming to stay with the kids tonight and they are completely excited. We are really lucky to have family close to us again. This weekend will likely be a blur as we have two birthday parties on top of everything else and have to get all of these valentines done. And Bobby got Asher's dresser put together and mounted to the wall so guess who gets to wash and put away clothes this weekend? I've never been more excited to do laundry!

Hope you all have a great weekend and prayers for some good news next week!!!!!

When they are gone...

2011-02-02T16:23:00.004-05:00

the house is really quiet. really quiet. Sometimes too quiet and I'd rather hear them fighting even. All that quiet leaves me to my own thoughts. These days that has not been a very good thing with all of the waiting for Asher. Today I wondered how my days will be once Asher is home. How different it will be. No more weekly schedule for cleaning (yes, I am a complete dork and have this).

Chores may fall behind. I'm almost certain laundry will. And I love it. You know why? Because I will be doing more important things. Like getting to know my son. I am incredibly blessed to be able to stay at home with him and I never take that for granted. And as crazy as it's going to be this summer with all of them home, I cannot wait to be home with all of my kids. I'm so happy this year that I can say that instead of saying "I wonder if we will be all together this summer". It's been awesome to think about summer plans and include Asher. Because he will be home this summer. Oh yeah!

It's been a rough week honestly. On Monday I opened my mail expecting to find the usual junk mail and ridiculously high electric bill, but instead there was a document from my agency. It was a hospital report for Asher...dated January 11th. Yup, Monday was February. Seems our little guy is back to his respiratory issues and had to go back to the hospital. I was initially upset that he was sick again...and then upset that we were finding out 3 weeks later....then upset that no one called to tell us or even emailed and just mailed something like that...and then upset that we had no follow up. At all. I don't know how serious it was. I don't know if he's fine now. I.know.nothing.

I didn't call on Monday. I was incredibly upset. I waited until Tuesday to call when I wasn't so emotional to speak to our agency. They apologized for mailing something like that without a call or email and she said she would send an email to Korea and try and find out how he is doing now. Of course I also took this opportunity to ask about EP's, but she said she still didn't know anything and they never contacted her back from an email she said she sent 3 weeks before. I pushed again. Hey, don't judge me. This is my son. We need him home! So, she says she is going to email again. I know with the Lunar New Year, Korea is on holiday the rest of this week, so I am praying we hear something next week.

Please pray that Asher is better. Please pray that we get some good news that his EP has been submitted so we can bring him home hopefully in March before I lose my mind!

Out of the millions of orphans

2011-01-28T10:19:00.003-05:00

Asher, God chose YOU to be our son. Sometimes I get caught up in this wait, how long it's been, how far my patience and faith have been stretched. But I am forgetting the most important thing of all.....God is in control. Not me.

As January comes to an end soon, I have to admit it's been the toughest month yet. There have been incredible highs, and lows. I've cried, I've laughed, been mad, happy, thankful and angry all at the same time. I've prayed for understanding, for patience, for peace. The more I pray for these things, the more and more my eyes are opened to certain scriptures that He lays on my heart:

Psalms 68:6: "God sets the lonely in families"

Psalms 27:14: "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage; and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord"

Psalms 68:5: "A father to the fatherless, and a defender of the widows, is God in his holy habitation"

Philippians 4:6: "In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God"

2 Samuel 22:33: "God is my strong fortress. He makes my way perfect."

John 16:33: "I have told you these things, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have oppression; but cheer up! I have overcome the world."

Psalms 146:9: "The Lord takes care of those who are in a strange land; he gives help to the widow and the child who has no father"

I've found that I'll say several of these many many times a day. The moment I start to wonder or get upset because we've not heard anything. The moment I feel sad because we will miss his first birthday. The moment I feel so disheartened and out of control. I say these words of truth. These are things that are clearly spoken to us. I do not have to worry about when Asher will be home, because God sets the lonely in families and He is in control. Everyday I wait my faith is straighten in the Lord. God is a father to the fatherless and wants nothing more than Asher to be forever with us. God is on our side. He is working even when we feel like nothing is happening. Even while we sleep. Even while we go about our everyday lives, God is working out Asher's wonderful journey. I do not have to worry. I will continue to pray knowing He hears my prayers. He knows my heart. He sees the end when I cannot. He is watching over Asher. I may not be able to do anything to get him home, but God can, and will. With Him anything is possible. I trust His will. I trust His timing.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes again to the bigger picture. This wonderful journey we've all been on. Thank you for giving us the boldness to live it out. Thank you for making us wait so that we would have Asher as our son. Thank you for all of the preparations you are working through now. We wait in peace and rejoice in everyday, with news or not, because it brings us closer to our son.

Just a rough week, that's all

2011-01-22T16:44:00.004-05:00

I am now able to blog about this past week. boy it was a rough one. Two words...travel call. Well, lack there of.

I know, I know...we haven't been waiting as long as some families have for their travel call. Before I even begin this post, I want to say that no matter how long we wait, I am incredibly grateful and thankful for this entire adoption process. I am in no way bitter towards anyone or anything. Just sad really.

So, when speaking to our agency back in December concerning EP's (if you remember from my earlier posts, Korea ran out of EP's-permits that our kiddos need to leave the country and come home-and everyone was *patiently* waiting for January 1st so they could start submitting them again), she told us that Holt prioritizes waiting children (Asher is from Rainbow kids) and she said we should be in that first batch. Our agency doesn't get notification of when or what families are submitted for EP, but I've been following the Holt boards to watch this information. A batch was submitted on the 4th and 11th. I was so excited! There has been 4 or 5 other friends I've made along the way and we were all in the same boat in this waiting process.

So on Tuesday, there was action all over the boards and fac*book of folks getting EP approvals and travel calls! I was so excited! This little boy I've prayed for and love so much would be coming home!! I thought for sure that we were in that group going by what our agency said, so I was literally waiting by my phone. Ready to make that call to our family and friends. Ready to feel that completion after almost 2 years of waiting. Ready to know that we were finally bringing our son home!!!!

Well, as you can guess, no call came. I finally called our agency. To sum it up, they don't really have any information to give. She was pretty sure we were not submitted, and did not give any idea of when we would be. Nothing at all hopeful to go on. At all. When I asked about the first batch situation, she clarified that was "an assumption". Would have been nice to have that clarification as soon as she said it in December since I had been holding onto that conversation this entire time. So, we were not getting a travel call that day, this week, this month, probably not even next month. It's looking more and more like March....or worst April or later.

I'm not going to lie, I cried. A lot. I'm just so emotionally exhausted from all of this. I want him home so badly it physically hurts. Tuesday and Wednesday were very bad days with lots of puffy eyes! But, my crying didn't do anything to change the situation. In reality, we are with Holt and their travel takes much longer than SWS, which is who most of my friends are with. It's not a surprise they got their travel call at all. I decided that instead of having a pity party for myself, I was going to be positive about this...as much as I can!

It sucks that we will not be there by his birthday. I mean, it just does. It sucks for every family to have to wait like this, it doesn't matter how long they have waited or what their situation is. I've said it before, adoption is not for the faint at heart and boy I've learned that lesson over and over again this week. So, I'm just going to be thankful that Asher is with an amazing foster family who is taking great care of him. Thankful he had a good January check up. Thankful in knowing that this wait Does have an end. We Will be in Korea soon. So for now I'm still trying to keep busy and February is turning out to be action packed..and the shortest month of the year thank goodness...so maybe it will fly by. We still have to get his room straighten up and now I have time to learn some Korean phases (I love you, thank you, etc.) that I really wanted to learn before we traveled.

Thanks everyone for your support this past week and kind words. It's really meant a lot to have such great friends!!!!

Some travel advice?

2011-01-10T15:44:00.005-05:00

Nope, they haven't told us we can travel yet (though a girl can wish!!), but in this time of *patient* waiting for our travel call, I'm trying to go ahead and get things together because I know how crazy things will be then!

So, I'm looking for travel advice. I've never booked a flight in my life, so we definitely think it's worth the extra money to get a travel agent for this, but I'm looking for advice for the flight. What is something you suggest for a flight for us and also for Asher? Keep in mind the flight from Korea to Chicago will be 14 hours...yup. Not for the faint at heart! How the heck will I keep him occupied for 14 hours in a seat?? 5 hour energy will be my friend I suspect :-) At least Chicago to Raleigh is only 2 1/2 hrs!

If you've been to Korea, we would love to know must see places. We've gotten a couple of books and read them, but it's always great to hear about other experiences! I figure if I do a little bit each week of packing and planning, then not only will it hopefully keep me occupied, but I will be prepared when the call comes in. Last week I got all of Asher's laundry done (and crib set up and made!) and I have to admit you couldn't wipe the smile off my face folding those sweet little clothes. Ask me again in a few months when I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry for 5 people if I'm smiling while folding!!!

So, we are waiting without really knowing anything right now. Everything on US side is done and all of the final approvals and documents were sent to the Embassy in Seoul last Friday. Now they will sit waiting until the EP (Emigration Permit) is approved. This is where the mystery is. There was such a backlog from last year (all agencies ran out before the year was over because Korea has been decreasing the amount of EP's every year) and I'm sure everyone sent in EP's from all over. We are still praying Asher was submitted last week, but our agency cannot find any of that out to tell us. They said they will only know when it's approved. If it was indeed submitted last week, we could have approval by the end of the month! Travel call usually comes a week or two after that, so we would be there in February by his birthday! If it was not submitted in January, it would be submitted in February and we would be praying to travel in March. I just feel like we will be there by his birthday. I even bought him a birthday shirt to celebrate with him. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but at the same time I pray everyday and know that what is impossible with man, is certainly possible with God.

The next few weeks will be nail biting! If we don't hear anything by the first week of February, we know we should be in the next batch for EP's. Please pray with us that he has already been submitted and please please feel free to leave any travel advice with kids you have!!!

Dreaming of my baby today

2011-01-03T20:29:00.004-05:00

And I cannot seem to think of anything else!

I have a great group of adoptive moms in my area and asked if any of them knew how long it takes to get EP approval once you have submitted. I am hearing back around 4 weeks...6 at the most. Really?? Awesome! That means we actually may have a chance of getting Asher by his birthday (Feb 21st)! Of course I know that every situation is different, but this just made me so excited today! Plus getting the official I-600 approval in the mail today made it even better :-)

I feel like I have so much to do. I am sitting down tomorrow and putting together a to do list to keep me accountable and make me feel better about all of it. I need to go back through some of the places to see and do in Korea, figure out what we need to pack and look at some of the hotels and figure out around what our airfare may be if we travel in February. We have his crib up, but everything else is just laying on the floor. Clothes to wash, baby carriers to figure out, his special bag to pack...my head is spinning!

Dancing that I-600 approval dance!!!

2010-12-31T22:17:00.004-05:00

Oh buddy...we are moving as quickly as we can to get to you!!

So, we had submitted our I-600 on Dec 10th. I followed up the next week just to see if they had received it and was so bummed to hear we were not even in their system. I was so worried something had happened. Of course, I go out to the mailbox and what is there? Notice of action! What was I so anxious for? They had received it! Not sure what happened with that, but I was just so thankful they got it! I emailed the next week to follow up and see if it had been assigned with an officer yet. I knew the holidays would slow us up quite a bit, but I could hope right? So the same lady emailed back saying that indeed the holidays would slow us up and it would be at least another week before it would be assigned to be reviewed. I was sad, but figured that would happened. I continued to pray however. I've been praying the entire time for an approval before December. Even when our agency told us it wouldn't happen.

So, we went out of town for Christmas and got back on Thursday. I started going through my emails and had received one from the same lady I had spoken to before. Curious I opened it and guess what?? She processed it for us! Wow! Unbelievable! So our I-600 should be received in Korea Embassy next week! What a wonderful way to end 2010! And what a blessing! I tried, but I just could not put in words how grateful I was to this officer. She didn't have to do that and we are forever grateful to her!

So now, we wait to see what happens with the EP situation. For those not in the middle of this right now, Asher needs his Emigration Permit to be able to travel. All adoption agencies in Korea ran out of these before 2010 was up. Some ran out as early as April, so there are folks that have had their referrals and just been waiting since April. I cannot imagine the heartache they must feel. Our agency ran out in the middle of November, so I am waiting to hear back on how this will affect us. Pretty much there is a very large waiting line of families that received their referrals in 2010 and all they need are these EP's. Can you imagine how crazy Monday is going to be in the Korean Embassy?!

So our agency feels good that Asher will be submitted in the first batch since he is a special needs child, but we don't have a clear idea of how long these take to get approval. Our agency still feels we are looking at March at best, but I am praying for before March (if you are reading and have any insight on how long EP approvals take for Korea, please! leave me a comment~). So right now, we have done everything we can. We seriously just sit and wait for our travel call. We have 10 business days to leave for Korea after that to go get him.

There is just so much to do! I feel like even though they are telling me possibly March, that I need to be getting ready. We switched all of the rooms this week and put the crib up. I still need to wash everything and there are several things I still need to get in preparation for our trip....we did buy our luggage tonight though!

So, we humbly ask that you keep us in your prayers. Please pray that we are able to bring Asher home before March. He has been sick and in the hospital already this winter with lung issues, so we are certainly eager to get him here. We've seen the power of prayer in action this last month and are praying to have him home by his birthday (Feb 21st)!

Hope you all have a wonderful New Year and cannot wait to follow along and hear how awesome 2011 treats you!!!

This is what I am supposed to be doing

2010-12-21T17:34:00.004-05:00

Oooo...touchy subject today.

So, if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I just left my job this past April. I was not one of those moms that always knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I thought to be a stay at home mom you had to have the following traits...

*Patience never ending
*A craft closet constantly full
*Home baked cookies ALWAYS made and ready
*The cleanest house, ever, no matter what
*The knowledge to handle any kid situation

Phew. That seemed like quite a tall order and I don't know about you, but as hard as I might try I fail miserably at trying to be super woman. So anyway, I worked. I enjoyed working and our kids were in a great daycare. Then we moved. Had to change departments to keep my job and let's just say our daycare was not anything to be excited about. The longer and longer my hours got, the more and more time I missed from my family, the more I started to feel like this just wasn't me. I wasn't happy at all. I felt like I was failing at my job because I couldn't work 20 hours a day and failing as a mom because I couldn't be with them 24 hours a day. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I just started thinking more and more about being a stay at home mom (SAHM). I reached out to a few I knew and asked them tons of questions. These were women I had know for years...how the heck did they do it? Did they have perfectly decorated and cleaned houses, picture perfect kids, dinner on the table by 6 every night with a smile on their faces?

Uh, not exactly. I learned that being a SAHM is not at all what I thought I was like. I thought I had long hours with my job! I thought on it some more and finally brought it up to my husband. Much to his (and mine) delight, he was completely on board! We would make the change once our little man came home. As you can guess, we jumped the gun.

Months before we had a referral, we changed our plan and I put in my notice. I was scared to death. How would this work out financially? How will our kids react? What will I do all day (yes, I really thought this for awhile)? Will I miss the challenge of my job? Will I miss seeing grown folks?

Well, I'm not going to lie and say the first couple of months were gravy. They were hard. We learned a lot about some things that we just failed at as parents and certainly had "parenting bootcamp" with mommy home 24-7. I won't go into details, but I wore out every parenting book I owed and even bought more. Every week seemed to get better....we were finally settling in.

Looking back over the last few months, I can honestly say I feel for the first time in my life I'm doing what I should be doing. I went from a career obsessed mom to family centered mom. Our faith and our family have never been stronger. Of course there are still tough days and certainly will be to come, but it's so nice to finally find where I belong.

Being on both sides (working and staying at home), I have to say that being a mom in general is one of the most hard and rewarding things you can do. I always hate to read about folks that hear that one side is "better" than the other or get questioned for their choices. No matter where you are in life, I say that if you are loving your children with all you have and providing for them a loving home and support, you are being a great parent!!!

When I meet you

2010-12-19T15:47:00.004-05:00

When the day comes I've been praying for....when I finally meet you.......

All this worry will fade

All this anxiety will be forgotten

I will have you in my arms. Forever.

I will be the one getting up at night (hopefully you will be gracious to this mama!)

Bathing you. Feeding you. Changing you.

Watching you and learning all about you.

I will always wonder and pray for your birth mom and foster family.

I pray blessing for them.

But for now, I dream of you. I wait for you. I pray for you to come home soon.

This is how my life is going to go....

2010-12-16T13:43:00.005-05:00

Pardon my mood to share things that are not really glowing about myself, but I have to say I have a wonderful time planning...seriously, it's a sickness that I love it so much. I love being able to look ahead and know *exactly* what I will be doing, whether that be tomorrow or 5 years from now. It makes me feel "in control" of everything going on. It makes me feel like I am prepared for anything....like I really have my stuff together and have this whole life stuff figured out.

I've been speaking with several folks lately that are in just the beginning stages of thinking about adoption...and they are currently thinking of everything they can that would prevent them from doing it. They are thinking about their savings account, their retirement plans, their homes, their current family. Don't get me wrong, these things absolutely have to be thought about, and thoroughly before stepping into an adoption. However, if we allowed our "plans for our lives" to dictate this adoption, it simply would not have happened.

I was not one of those folks that always knew I would adopt. It's not like I had anything against it at all, I just didn't know a lot about it and really had never spoken to anyone or knew anyone that had done it, until my friend adopted from Ethiopia. We had planned to have 3 children, but after Reece's scary delivery, decided we were blessed to have two and moved on..continuing to plan every step of the way. We had plans for every cent in our account, plans for the girls, plans for our vacations, next homes we were going to buy, work plans...you know that American dream...we had it down pat! We did not plan, however, to be completely overwhelmed and to have our eyes opened like we did.

I said to myself over and over again while I was looking at adoption initially (of course telling myself I was helping my friend by researching..but everyday growing more and more curious myself) that this was not a calling for us. How would we afford it? That's not exactly where we planned for our money to go. Looking back now I cannot believe how incredibly selfish we were, but I am just being honest here. Financial fear is a real roadblock to adoption, not only the cost but also just affording another baby in the family. I would try and fit it into my neatly planned box, but it just never quite fit. I would try and move on, but I just never could.

And now, I cannot imagine our lives without Asher..and he's not even here yet! Just getting organized to move the rooms around has me filled with excitement! Oh my the joys and blessings our family would have missed out on by not taking that leap...by letting go of what we thought our lives could be and letting go to what God knew our lives *should* be. I laugh now when we used to sit around and think of how things would be 5 years from now. It's awesome to let it go and trust God. I would have never thought our life would look like this 5 years ago and I cannot imagine how it will be 5 years from now. All we know is we are not going to let our idea of how much money we should have in the account, how big a house we should have, how many children we should have, how much our 401K should be, what cars we should own or what the rest of the world is thinking dictate our lives again. Seems that real life has put all of our dreams to shame!!!

We feel good

2010-12-11T11:07:00.004-05:00

We.Feel.Good.

It's been awhile since I've been able to say that. Not anxious. Not angry. Not scared. Just good.

We've been hard at work trying to get things together for Asher. We do have two girls, but kept absolutely nothing, so it's been starting over for us...but so much fun! It's been fun to look at bedding, pick out a crib and all of that all over again! I am trying to pace myself and only buy things that may take a while to ship in so I don't run out of things to keep me busy. I'm hoping if I stay busy getting prepared that the wait will maybe not be too unbearable :-)

I'm a planner, so I'm trying to go ahead and make a list of must have's for travel. Our agency says they will send a travel packet, but we haven't received it yet and maybe they don't send until we get travel call....which will make me insane because we leave like that next week after that and that doesn't give me ANY time to make sure I have things together! So, while I feel good about prepping the house for baby, travel is a whole other issue. Bobby and I have neither been out of the country...in fact, we have never traveled on a plane together. I'm thinking if we hired a camera crew to follow us through this journey to Seoul we might make some money putting together a comedy!

So, advice needed for this planning mama. What do you suggest for traveling with baby? Traveling with husband? Surviving the planning phase? What is a must have in Korea? What to leave special for our two sweet girls that will be waiting for us back home? Something special to give to the foster family?

So, pretty much unless I have it staged out and ready to go I will feel in over my head (and will probably feel that way anyway! And this makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING during a wait when nothing is happening.) I am all ears for any advice anyone has!!!!!

Yay for us!!!!!

2010-12-08T22:15:00.004-05:00

Sorry, another delay in my adoption overview posts to share some adoption news of my own.

This last month has definitely been the hardest through this whole adoption....harder than making the decision to adopt. Harder than waiting 3 months through the home study process. Even harder than waiting nearly 14 months for a referral. But, my friends I am happy to report the last wait referral wise was completed today, a month after asking to move forward with Asher :-)

The state FINALLY got off their tails and faxed over that last page. Yes folks, one last page that someone *forgot* to send along and then never responded back for almost 2 weeks over. It's done. I met my social worker today, got our updated home study and proudly paid an insane amount to over night it to WA to my agency tomorrow. And the best news? They felt like they could also turn around getting out the I-600 tomorrow as well. Sweet. We are on our way now!!

So, this I-600 approval (where the US gov. says we are approved to adopt this specific child) takes anywhere from 1 month to 3 1/2 months...with no rhyme or reason why it can be shorter or longer. Ugh. There is no way to expedite it either I'm told. I know several other adoptive moms have told me you can call the office and check your status, and depending upon your officer, you may be able to find something out. I'm going to give it some time of course, but I'd much rather follow up with them every couple of weeks just for my sanity and peace of mind to know at least it's getting some sort of attention and not sitting in some one's inbox! This is our son we are talking about here!!

After this I-600 approval is received (hopefully in January!), then it will be sent to Korea and everything on that side can start. If we can get included in the EP (emmigrant permits) batch and not have to wait on those (fat chance since there is already a 2 month back up), there's a chance we will be able to travel maybe a month or two after the I-600 approval. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and my prayers lifted high, but also keeping an understanding of how things can get delayed...especially with the holidays coming up too.

I celebrated today by getting some things for Asher's care package. We are able to send whatever we can shove into a gallon sized bag over for him. That's not a lot of room! I bought way too much stuff and we are now trying to figure out what to include....I'll post a picture once we make the final decision :-)

I got a few outfits, but it's so hard to figure out sizes. His weight and length do not match up nicely with the sizing charts here in the US....and who knows how he will grow in the next few months. I have to admit after years of shopping for girl clothes, the boys really do get the raw end of the bargain...there is so much more for girls!

Anyway, he has the beginnings of a room and we are gradually picking things up. We have the crib, bedding set, stroller, pack and play, high chair and some clothes. We, however, have no toddler boy toys, so this is something we definately need to get busy with or else he will be playing with barbies :-)

Kyleigh wants to move into our bonus room, so we are pretty much switching everyone around...Kyleigh to the bonus room, Reece to Kyleigh's room, Asher to Reece's room...round and round we go! I want to go ahead and move everyone around after Christmas. I would love to say because we would be getting Asher soon then, but more for Reece's adjustment. She will use any excuse not to sleep and I can only imagine the ones she will come up with during all of this!

So, YAY! Happy week for us! I just wanted to say thanks again to all of the encouraging words everyone from this blog and FB has left. It has truly meant so much! To top it off, another adoptive mommy friend is in Korea right now and it's been so awesome to follow along her journey along with another one expecting her travel call any day this week/next week. I'm so happy for all of them and it just gets me so excited!!!

In my own little world

2010-12-02T14:52:00.005-05:00

OK, so I am taking a quick break from my adoption overview posts to reflect on these last 3 weeks. I'm not sure what is going on, but it seems every bump we can possibly hit along the way, we've hit it.

We contacted our agency to move forward with Asher on the 10th of November. Our agency said they would send the referral paperwork. A week went by and we didn't get anything. I followed up and she said she changed her mind because she didn't know if she could send them because we were in the middle of updating our homestudy (started this back in October because of the move and also had to make changes specific to Asher since he was a waiting child). So, then they said they would send it out again. Again nothing. An assistant didn't send when she was supposed to. We tried again. This time it was lost in the Seattle snowstorm. That following Monday our social worker contacted us and told us she got the clearances in, but the state left off the last page of my husband's, which of course is the most important page. She contacted them again and asked to send it ASAP. They have yet to contact her back or send anything in the mail. Our agency sent our paperwork again after we repeated emailed and called saying we never received the other one and they mailed it to the wrong address.

We finally got our paperwork at our home yesterday. We had to contact the agency to re-do some of the documents because they still had our old address on several of them, but we got it worked out. We just finished up notarizing everything today. I made copies of it all. It's ready to go. I called our social worker to see if they had heard anything else about that page from the clearances and our social worker's mother has passed away, which is why she wasn't answering emails. Her assistance says they still haven't received anything and there is nothing to do but wait. They are closed tomorrow, so the earliest anything can go out is next week. Next week marks a full month since we notified to move with Asher and have yet to be able to "officially" accept the referral.

So, that's the back story to this post. If you have been on Facebook with me, I'm sure you are sick of hearing about it. To say these last 3 weeks have tested my patience and faith is an understatement. I KNOW God is in this. I know this is part of His timing. I've been trying to get past the discouragement and found myself doing nothing but venting in the process. Yuck. A nasty negative mess. Are we not supposed to be thankful and rejoice in the Lord even when times are tough? I'm pretty in the bible it doesn't point us to Facebook to rant and rave.

I've been spending some extra time in my mornings in prayer....just praying for patience and understanding and peace. Everyday I pray that things will all come together and we can finally get this moving. I'm trying not to feel like we've lost an entire month. I know that there is much preparation with Asher and his foster family too. It's not all about me, but I sure have forgotten that. It's been poor pitiful Brandi these last few weeks. And my poor husband. Let's just say that man has the patience of Job to have dealt with me. I have been incredibly emotional and he has been my rock. I do not know how I would have faced this without him.

So, in my own little world there has been the party of the year going on...bigger than anything P. Diddy or whatever he is called now could even put together. It's been a pity party that has done nothing but completely leave me exhausted, bitter and sad. I do not want to feel defeated anymore, because the truth is, I'm not. Outside of my world in my head, there is nothing to be sad about at all.

Even though I cannot share his picture publicly, there is a completely adorable baby boy just waiting for us. That is a blessing. He has made it through so many adversities already that do not even compare to my last 3 weeks. That is a blessing. There is a wonderful foster family taking care of him for us right now. That is a blessing. Next year, I will get to celebrate almost all of the holidays as a family of 5. That is a blessing. This adoption has brought me even closer to my husband. That is a blessing. This adoption has taught my children to care for orphans. That is a blessing. I have made a wonderful group of friends through adoption groups and blogs. That is a blessing. I mean come on, Asher's name means BLESSING!

So, I humbly apologize to any and all who have had to listen to me these last 3 weeks mumble and moan...cry and pout. I'm not sending anything out this week like I had hoped and prayed but I am concentrating on the glorious moment when I do get to. I will appreciate it. I will be humbled by it. Because that means my baby boy is coming home sooner...and that is the biggest blessing of all.

Korean Adoptions-the long road to our little boy

2010-11-30T13:01:00.005-05:00

Give me just a moment to brag on my little Asher before I start with this :-) We received his 9 month check up documents yesterday. He is now 25.6 inches long and 18.5 pounds! Still such a peanut and we cannot wait to get our arms around you!

Ok, now that the mama bragging is out of the way, I promised this post would be on Korean adoptions. When we started our research Korea was in a large list of countries we looked at. There were several reasons that led us there:

*Older babies mostly for adoption
-In Korea, they are really pushing for domestic adoption to be more accepted. In the last few years, they have changed their program to have the children put into an adoption plan available for domestic adoption for the first 5 months. If they are not adopted after that time, then they are eligible for international adoption. So, most folks adopting healthy babies receive referrals that are around 5-6 months old. We knew we did not want an infant, but still wanted a smaller child, so this was a perfect age range for us.

*Foster families in place for adoptive children
-After these babies have been in an orphanage for those 5 months, they are then put into a foster family where they will stay until they are adopted. While it's difficult to imagine these babies going from 3, 4 or 5 different caregivers in their first year or two of life, it's comforting to know they are under the care of a family.

*Good medical care/records
-Korea's medical system takes very good care of these babies. They go to monthly check ups with a physician and any follow ups/hospital stays are all documented and held to be supplied to the adoptive family. We received a ton of information on Asher's medical background along with all of his monthly checkups, specialist visits and hospital reports. While we couldn't understand some of it, our adoption specialist (physician) could easily explain these reports to us.

*Good potential of knowing family history
-While poverty and other reasons may lead a birth mom to put together an adoption plan for her baby, still today unwed mothers are quite a stigma in Korea. Although progress is being made, there were not a lot of options for these mothers. Many of them were disowned from their families, couldn't find jobs to support them and sometimes even the child was punished along with his mother with prejudice actions from society. Family blood lines are very important in Korea, which is why the domestic adoption program is very slow to pick up pace. There are different homes set up in Korea where these birth moms can go and receive prenatal care their last few months of pregnancy along with counseling and job training. They work hand and hand with social workers and care givers to put together an adoption plan for their baby. Many times information about the birth mom and father can be released, which is invaluable. We do not know Asher's birth mother and father's names, but we do know their backgrounds and the situation that led to his adoption plan.

*Long standing international adoption program
-Korean adoptions starting occurring in 1955 as a result of the Korean war. Many of these children were orphaned due to the war or were multi-racial (Korean mothers, US fathers) and were not accepted in Korean society. The reasons for the international adoption program to continue on have changed over the years, but the stigma of illegitimacy, unstable economic conditions, limited interest in adoption in Korean couples and internal government challenges in dealing with a large number of abandoned or orphaned children have led to a continued need for these adoptions. S. Korea is the oldest organized international adoption program in the US. There are 4 agencies in Korea that work with international adoptions: Holt, Eastern Social Welfare Society, Korea Social Services and Social Welfare Society. Depending upon the local agency you choose here in the US will depend on the agency you work with in Korea. We chose Holt because they had over 50 years of experience and felt they had probably seen and heard it all!

* You can travel over or choose to escort
-When we were initially looking at this adoption, we felt sure we would choose the escort route and loved that the Korean program offered this, however, we have since changed our minds and are thrilled to go to Korea to meet our son and his foster family in person. I think this is a great choice though to have depending upon your family dynamic and needs.

We just felt drawn to S. Korea in our hearts to adopt. These are just some of the reasons we chose to adopt there, but I could have gone on all day. Below are some factors to consider to see if Korea works for your family. All countries have guidelines for adoptive families to meet. As well as a list of the process, agencies that work with Korean adoptions and some blogs/websites to check out!

~Who are the children? Korean boys and girls ages 5-12 months are available for adoption. Because there are many more boys than girls available, many agencies will quote longer time lines or put restrictions (no girls already in family for example) if you want to adopt a girl. There are also many waiting children from all ages available.

~Who can adopt from Korea?
-Couples married at least 3 years with no more than 2 divorces between them
-Ages 25-42 when initiating the adoption process
-Must meet Korean health requirements (they have certain BMI requirements)
-No more than 4 children already in the family
-Meet financial guidelines (for example, make minimum of $30K per year)

~Adoption Process- After you do your research on which agency you want to go with, you will need to contact them and complete their initial application. Once this is done, you will either be referred to a social worker or chose one yourself to complete your homestudy along with receiving a list of adoption education classes you must complete as well. A homestudy is a 1-2 month process where a social worker assess pretty much everything from your background, home, family, job, finances, etc. to ensure you are fit to adopt. Once your homestudy is complete, they will send to your agency and you can officially start your wait! Once you have been matched and receive your referral, the time to travel over (or escort) depends greatly on the agency. I've seen some travel in 9 weeks..I've seen some travel 9 months later. It all depends on how fast the paperwork gets processed on both the US and Korea side of things. I would say a range of 4-6 months though. Korea also requires 3 follow ups with your social worker after the child is placed in your home at 2 month intervals. Once these have been completed, you can officially finalize your adoption!

If you would like more information on Korean adoptions, please feel free to check out the following links!

http://adoptkorea.com/
http://http://korea.adoption.com/
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/search/agency-list.php - A list of all agencies in the states that do Korean adoptions
http://www.youtube.com/user/loswhit#p/c/D25616FB0EB7F706 - this is from Carlos Whitaker. Awesome blogger (Ragamuffin Soul). He records pretty much every moment of going to get their son Losiah in S. Korea in the videos in the right. Get out your tissues for this ride...especially #14!
http://huntforrachel.blogspot.com/
http://http://adoptfromkorea.blogspot.com/
http://inhishands-ouradoptionjourney.blogspot.com/
http://littlebitoseoul.blogspot.com/

There are just too many blogs to list that are so good for this! Here are a few that I found early in our journey and followed through on the ones they followed and found so many more great ones!

Next post....domestic adoptions in US!

Did you ever wonder.....

2010-11-28T16:53:00.005-05:00

what happens to those children who are harder to adopt because they are older, part of sibling groups or have certain medical conditions or backgrounds? These children are what the adoption community calls "waiting children". Depending upon the country and situation, they are considered waiting children for many different reasons.

If you've got the heart and resources to adopt waiting children, you are certainly giving that child opportunities they may never have in their current situation. Many times medical conditions in other countries are easily treatable here in the US. Most of these situations here in the states center around older children waiting for homes or sibling groups. There is much stigmata around each scenario that I will talk about below. I want to also note again that these are strictly for informational purposes and in no way reflect or push my opinions or feelings about each issue.

**"I don't want to adopt an older child because they already have so many emotional issues from being in institutionalized care."
**"We want to adopt internationally and they do not speak English."
**"I'm scared to adopt a child that has had a history of abuse and neglect."

When a family sits down to consider adoption and older children come to mind, these questions are some that may pop up. It's good to be honest with yourselves on why you want to adopt the child you do and if it's an older child, some of the issues that MAY occur. All of us have seen those 20/20 specials with the out of control older kids that do not bond with anyone and the adoptive parents cannot handle. I'm not saying situations like that do not happen, but they most certainly do not happen with the majority of older children adoptions.

Yes, most children that are older in government ran care are there because of some traumatic event. Maybe it happened as a baby and they grew up there or maybe it was something recent. Every child is different along with every situation. It is important to understand what occurred in their past to be able to understand how to give them to support they need and help them to bond into your family. While babies require patience in learning routines and sleep issues, older adoptees need patience as they try and mold into your family. This may be the first family they have been apart of or maybe they have been passed from family to family. Either way, it takes time to build trust, just like it does with anything else. Try to see things through their eyes.

Language issues may occur initially, but most schools now have wonderful ESL programs that have been very successful as well as parents learning some basics in the foreign language to help communications.

The main thing needed is the same with any adoption (or birth for that matter) and that is a strong support group of friends and professionals. These are other families that have adopted older children, psychologists, physicians, etc. These folks have seen it all and can be an invaluable asset, especially finding a counseling professional that specializes in adoption. Also check your expectations at the door. This I think also goes along with any adoption or birth as well. I think all of us as parents have discovered our expectations at some point or another have been greatly exceeded or underestimated. Don't expect them to naturally bond to you. It takes time. Don't expect them to feel at ease immediately in your home for a while or to let their guard down all of the time. Take time to form the relationship and the trust will follow.

Here are a few links about older adoption:

http://adoptuskids.org/
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/12/22/earlyshow/living/parenting/main589799.shtml
http://adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1554

Sibling groups are much the same way. Many times these consist of an older sibling among one or several younger ones. Sometimes the oldest feels responsible and there is a loss of childhood for them. They have become the parent..even at 8 years old. Once again, this is where your support system comes into play and can help both you and your child come to understand what it means to be a child. Also it is just a wonderful thing when you can keep all of the siblings together and make a scary situation more comfortable!

Children with certain medical conditions or backgrounds are also categorized as waiting children. Depending upon the country, these medical conditions may be severe or quite minor by US standards. For instance, I'm sure everyone has seen information on cleft palate surgeries that have been performed here in the states for adoptive children. Medical conditions can range from HIV, heart disorders, down syndrome, respiratory issues, pre-term birth, neuro problems to limb differences or skin disorders or simply having an extra finger or toe. Backgrounds also vary from country to country. You know when you adopt from Africa you will have a greater chance of your child being affected by HIV than say from Russia. Or if you are adopting from Russia your child has a greater chance of being affected by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome than Africa. This is where your research of different countries is key. It's also important to sit down as a family and take in the resources in your community (hospitals, therapies, counseling, etc.) to see what you are equipped with locally.

It's a hard conversation to have. I remember how hard it was for Bobby and I to go through a list and try and decide what we felt like we could handle and couldn't. It was awkward and I don't think either of us walked away feeling especially good about ourselves, but honesty was needed for the child's sake. There is a list of potential conditions on the Rainbow Kids website that I will post a link to below. The hardest part of the waiting child process is concentrating on the facts...what needs are you able to accept and care for? It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of a child in need, but if your nearest resource is 100 miles away and that child will need constant care, is that really in their best interest? I do believe there is a family for every child. Pray on it. Sleep on it. But be realistic of your efforts and the long term of the child. Sit down with an adoption physician and discuss their file...any questions you may have for their long term future as well as just understanding the medical information given to you. Sometimes depending upon the country or situation, you may not receive any information at all. Adoption is a loving, beautiful thing and you are jumping in to be a forever family. As hard as it may be to say no, sometimes it's for the best and then another family better equipped will have the opportunity.

With that said, below is a link for those interested in waiting children with medical issues/backgrounds internationally (most domestic sites do not distinguish between children with medical issues or older children). I have listed Rainbow Kids, which is where our Asher was listed. No matter where you are in reading this, I invite you all to make a profile (it's anonymous, no one will contact you) and check these kids out. You can even choose to be alerted when a child is posted that meets your profile (certain country, age, medical conditions, etc.). If nothing else, please pray for these children that they may soon be matched with families. Rainbow kids includes children with medical issues as well as older children and sibling groups needing homes all around the world. I also include a couple of links for adoption physicians. The first is country wide, but the second is locally here in NC and who we used to review Asher's information. Dr. Douglass was very throughout and talked us through page by page!

http://www.rainbowkids.com/
http://http//adoptiondoctors.com/
http://http//www.cabarruspeds.org/adopt_home.cfm

This is really a very basic layout of waiting children, but I hope it's enough to get you thinking. These kids no matter their age, family situation, background or medical condition all deserve homes.

Next I will touch on Korean adoptions, which are close to my heart :-)

The Road to Adoption

2010-11-23T10:00:00.003-05:00

It's been a long journey that has been filled with joy, heartache, pain, blessings and happiness. I've had a lot of folks ask again why we adopted, why international adoption, why Korea? How did we get here? I thought I would take the next few posts I do to walk everyone through it. I know I have a lot of folks reading that are already in process, but there are also a lot of folks reading that maybe don't know much about adoption. They are unsure of the need, what they can do or what kind of families adopt. These next few posts are to highlight the incredible need for adoption and to show some of our journey.

Here are some astronomical statistics....

**It is estimated there are between 143 million to 210 million orphans worldwide (recent UNICEF report)

**The current population of the US is just a little over 300 million to give you an idea of how huge these numbers are

**Everyday 5,760 more children become orphans

**2,102,400 children become orphans in Africa alone

**Every 15 seconds another child in Africa becomes an AIDS orphan

**Each year 14,505,000 children grow up as orphans and age out of the system by age 16

**Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family to belong to and no place to call home

**In Russia and the Ukraine, studies have shown that 10%-15% of these children commit suicide before they reach age 18

**These studies also show that 60% of girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become hardened criminals

Can you just take a second and read those statistics again. Think on them.

Our family has two biological girls. My first pregnancy went like clockwork. My second ended up being quite different with both of us in very real danger. It was not recommended for us to have anymore children. At first I was ok with all of this. I mean, I always wanted more kids...a house full, but I was just thankful and blessed that we were all healthy and safe. I was so grateful that God had given us two healthy children. I figured it was meant to be that we just had our two. We got rid of all of our baby stuff and moved on. That was 2005.

Flash forward January 2009. One of my very best friends told me they were adopting from Ethiopia. I didn't know much about adoption at all. I decided to get online and start researching...to be able to follow along with her, to be a support and understand all of the acronyms and language she was using! The more I researched, the more my eyes and heart were opened. I just couldn't believe the stuff I was finding. It was unbelievable. I held onto it for a few months and just thought on it, prayed on it. We were doing fine financially with our two kids, we were out of diapers, out of it taking 2 hours of packing to leave the house, sleeping through the night. What the heck was I thinking?

But, I could not think of one reason alone to not adopt that wasn't selfish. Yes, finances are tough for everyone, but could we give up some of those materials things for some extra money? Yes. We have plenty of room in our home, plenty of food in our pantry, plenty of love to go around. Could we do this too? Could we move beyond our own American dream to give a child a home? Maybe God had a different dream for us beyond what we had planned out ourselves.

When I first went to my husband with all of this, I knew in my heart we were called to adopt. I could not turn my heart away from everything I knew now. He was reluctant at first. How would we afford another child? How would we afford an adoption? Did we have enough time and energy for another baby in the house? At first I was very hurt by his response....didn't he understand and feel the way I did about this? I finally just let it go and prayed. A few weeks later completely out of the blue he came up to me and said yes. I couldn't believe it! We were going to really go forward with this and adopt! I was so excited and thrilled, but honestly scared at the same time. It's like that "Oh CRAP" moment you have when you look to that positive pregnancy test the first time and then look at your husband and he has the same look. Scared joy!

The next steps involved much much research. Domestic or international? If international, what country? What about waiting children? Which agency? How will we pay for it all? How long will it take? How will our family handle all of this since no one else has ever adopted? How will our kids feel about it? My next blog will take on waiting children since these are the kids worldwide with the greatest need of adoption. I will also cover domestic and several other countries as well in subsequent posts.

Although not everyone is called to adopt, I hope that those reading will open your hearts and minds. Maybe your family can do it. Maybe you've just never thought about it and don't know where to begin. Maybe you can help support a family in the process. Maybe you can get involved in an orphan ministry here in the states or oversees. Maybe you can foster. I hope and pray that you find clarity in your mission these next few weeks and fill compelled to do something.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" James 1:27

How I sometimes stress myself out

2010-11-19T14:25:00.005-05:00

Um, ok. I said sometimes, but let's be honest. I pretty much do this ALL of the time.

Before I even roll out of bed in the morning, I lay there and go through all of the things I need to get done/am supposed to do that day. My days vary widely, but I do have set things I do every week like volunteering in my daughter's classrooms and girl scouts. I am definitely a Type A person..I like to have a plan, well ahead. I've certainly gotten better about going with the flow of the moment, but the entire time I cannot enjoy the "flow" because guess what I'm doing in my head..yup, trying to figure out what's next.

So I'm trying to plan the next few months of our lives. Ugh. I've found myself wrapped back up into the stress of looking at time lines and trying to ride a fine line between being anxious for answers/follow up or pestering my adoption agency and/or social worker. In my head, I feel like we are losing time...no one is moving fast enough...what's taking so long just to mail paperwork for goodness sakes!

But then I remember the wait. The molding and everything I learned. And I know this wait will produce something completely different if I let it. I found myself watching Adoption Story today (whoo, bad choice of programing for my emotional state by the way!). I watched as a first time foster mom handed over this completely adorable 6 month old little boy. My heart broke for her. While those parents in the US were praying for time to pass, she was praying for time to stop. I've been so focused on MY wait, MY impatience, MY adoption story, that I am completely leaving out an entire other side to this. And anyway, it's not about ME.

I'm still working this all out and I'm sure before it's all over with God will make it clear. I love how He hesitates to see if I can get it on my own...giving me time to figure out the reality of things outside of myself. On the other side of that blue sky are two families....a birth family and foster family. My inconvenient wait is in no comparison to the choices and decisions they have had to make these last 9 months. My patience needs to be with God working through their lives. Because they have all made the decision to put our son first.

So, now I am stressing on how I'm being about this wait. And let's call it what it is, selfishness. I want him home...yesterday. Yes, the selfishness is due to my love for him and wanting to care for him and have him finally join our family because I am incredibly excited, but selfishness nonetheless. I'm taking a day just to myself tomorrow. It's long overdue and I'm hoping some time of reflection and peace will make things better. Just some deep honesty on this Friday afternoon :-)

I'm at a loss for words..to be happy and sad at the same time

2010-11-13T10:37:00.002-05:00

Looking back on this past week is just....unspeakable. Lives were changed. Families were brought together. All because of a baby boy and God's wonderful way of making it all work out. I am forever grateful and humbled by the whole experience.

I do not know why God chose now for our family. I wasn't expecting it at all. After the absolute excitement of everything comes down, I think about many other people. I think about his birth mom, his foster family and my other friends I have made over the past 1.5 years on this adoption journey. I know folks in every aspect of the wait....some are still being moved in their hearts and trying to find the courage to move forward to talk to their spouses, some are just starting on the mountain of paperwork, some are at the beginning or end of their wait and some are waiting to travel. Every story is different, but the desire is the same. It brings us together and it's beautiful.

I remember reading posts of friends who received their referral and I was incredibly happy for them, but I could not help but feel sad at the same time wondering where our little one was. For everyone that has given their kind words, wishes and prayers, we thank you so much! And, we also ask that you do the same for those still "in the wait". I want to say a special prayer for the strength and peace to continue to hang on.

I want to send positive thoughts your way...even though the wait is hard, God's plan is so worth it. I did not want to hear it when I was in the middle of mine, especially while having a particular tough day, but it's true. God was waiting until everyone was in the right place physically, mentally and spiritually before making this happen. I think back to the last 1.5 years and there are so many times that I am truly thankful God did not answer my prayers then!

And if he would have, we wouldn't have our son. He was worth every tear I cried, every bad day I had, ever irritated day I spent explaining again why we hadn't heard anything. I am in awe and amazed by the whole thing and my heart and prayers go out to those families still waiting. I cannot wait to share in your good news and I pray for peace for you everyday.

How it all works out

2010-11-11T21:11:00.003-05:00

He's precious. He's beautiful. He's ours.

THAT'S RIGHT, WE HAVE A SON!!!

Adoption as a whole is certainly not for the weak at heart. There have been good days and bad, but it all melts away once you look at that picture. We have been on the waiting list for a "healthy" child for some time now, but open from day one to certain medical conditions. In a crazy twist of fate, our eyes were brought to the most precious baby boy and we just knew he was our son.

He was born quite premature and had some issues in connection with that, but is making great progress. We just want to throw a party for everyone! It still feels so surreal. I cannot believe I was praying so hard and the whole time this was being worked out. I would love to share a picture just to prove his cuteness, but our agency doesn't suggest we post pictures on social websites until he is in our care. But, take it from me, this Korean cutie is just that.....beautiful dark almond eyes, spiky hair and the sweetest cheeks! So now we are finalizing all of our referral paperwork and getting ready for probably the hardest wait...4-6 months to travel. I already have his picture memorized, so I hope we get new ones soon!

Tonight we surprised our family at dinner. They were not expecting anything at all and thought I was handing them Kyleigh and Reece's school pictures and opened up the package to find baby brother! It was so great to see the joy and excitement on their faces! Of course one of the first questions we get asked is his name. It is kind of a hard thing right now. Bobby and I cannot seem to decide on a name, so I guess we are really taking our time with it. His Korean name means "strong" and "abundant/generous", so I would love to find a name to fit just with that and continue to honor his birth mother with that. We know we will be keeping his Korean name as his middle name for sure.

So, needless to say it's been an absolutely crazy week full of every emotion imaginable! We are THRILLED and BLESSED to be mama and daddy to this sweet baby and just cannot wait to hold him in our arms! I'm sure if you look hard enough you can probably see my perma-grin from where ever you are in the country!

It's Friday...

2010-11-05T17:12:00.003-04:00

and I'm hoping for a lovely update email from our agency with at least one referral this week....pretty please :-) I would love to have tears of joy rather than tears of sadness this week!

On a separate topic, do I have any Private Practice watchers here? Last night's episode was so emotional. I couldn't even sleep afterwards. My heart goes out to any woman who has been sexually assaulted. I do unfortunately understand to a certain extent, but the violence of last night left me speechless. Kudos to this show for bringing awareness to this and providing support opportunities for these women. If you missed it, I hope you will check it out.

I can't be the only one without a Halloween post

2010-11-01T13:24:00.012-04:00

Ok, everyone else has the cutest pictures of their kids posted everywhere with the last week's crazy events, so I thought I would share some of ours!

Halloween was a little different this year in the big city. First of all, I was actually able to help out with Halloween events in the classroom, which was so cool! We did an apple theme and had 5 different stations for the kids to explore.

Kyleigh also got an award for RESPECT. Yup, respect. Seems we are not doing such a bad job after all! Now anytime she talks back to me and I want to pull my hair out, I've strategically posted it on our fridge to remind myself that she is getting it, just having a rough day :-)

Here she is after getting her award:

All week we had been working on the "Parade of Pumpkins". Each class designs a pumpkin for the contest. In Reece's class, we went with "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom". For those of you that have read the book (numerous times!) you will really appreciate it! We had some other great parent volunteers that really pulled it all together, and were much more creative than I was!

Bobby and another parent volunteer are using power tools to suspend the "coconut pumpkins" from the tree.

Check out the finished product!

Here is Kyleigh's class...the burger is actually a pumpkin!

We were not sure about trick or treating in our new neighborhood because we haven't seen a lot of kids, but we decided to give it a shot anyway! Here is Kyleigh. You would think having a birthday on Halloween would make you want to dress up and have a ball with it, but she's really funny about costumes, so we don't force her. Her shirt is the extent of what she will wear!

And Reece as the leopard. For every bit Kyleigh doesn't like to dress up, Reece LOVES it!

My girls

There were not a lot of houses giving away candy, but we did discover two other adoptive families in our neighborhood! One was gone to pick up their son in fact! So, mom and dad made some new friends and the girls got way more candy than they really needed from the houses that were giving it away. Halloween success!

Kyleigh's Birthday

2010-10-30T11:22:00.004-04:00

I cannot believe tomorrow is Kyleigh's 8th birthday. These 8 years have flown by so quickly, I just could have never imagined how fast.

Kyleigh is a very type A, organized child that is only interested in the facts please. She has been very stubborn and headstrong from day one. I know everyone says that about their kid at some point or another, but really, she has. I appreciate this about her though. She has always been able to form her own opinion completely separate from everyone else's. She asks a thousand questions a day...she has to know everything about everything, but that is good. She is incredibly helpful. She is a planner, she likes to be involved in everything we do....knowing all the facts. We always say she's going to make a great CEO or nagging wife one day! It's been interesting for sure to watch her through this adoption process and all of the questions she has asked. She is really looking forward to meeting him and being a big sister again and talks everyday still about him.

She is a lover too. She loves her family, her friends, God and her pets. She is sensitive to her needs and others, most of the time. Of course she has her moments like any other kid!

We just love her so much and are so proud of her and proud to be her parents! I would have never guessed 8 years ago, scared in that delivery room and not knowing what was going on or going to happen it would all be this great. We love you so much our precious Halloween baby Kyleigh bear!!!!

Looking up, moving on

2010-10-26T20:24:00.010-04:00

So, lately I think my adoption posts have just been all over the place. I think it's like anything else where I go through this emotional roller coaster...some days I'm OK with everything, others I'm completely upset about it.

There hasn't been any more movement and when I spoke to our agency, they really don't expect anything for us until at least January. At the earliest. I have to admit, for a moment I was sad. I'm not mad anymore, just sad. Not anxious, just sad. I wonder about it. We are far along enough now where we know he's at least been born...and I just wonder about him all of the time now.

But, I made a promise to myself to keep moving on and not to let it get me down anymore. It's completely out of my hands...and probably for a good reason. If it was up to me, this would have happened a long time ago and I cannot imagine with everything that has happened to us in the past year throwing in an adoption along with it. I truly believe it's God's timing.

So, I continue to wait. Luckily, it's the busiest time of the year for us and I'm thinking that before we all know it, these next few months are going to fly by. Kyleigh has her 8th birthday on Halloween (we had her party this weekend) and we have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up too. Not to mention if this last month is any indication how busy I'm going to be volunteering at their school, I'm not going to have much time for sitting around and feeling sorry for myself! I guess I've also been very thoughtful lately with myself...thinking of the past, both recent and many many years ago. I'm still dealing with a few things that always seem to creep up this time of year, so I'm sure that's been part of my emotional craziness too.

Hope everyone has a great Halloween and here are a few pictures from our last few crazy weeks.

Reece had to sit on every tractor at the county fair

Riding the Tilt-a-Whirl

Reece, her BFF "A" and myself at her school's fundraiser

Sisters at the state fair

Showing some family love before Kyleigh's party

Happy 8th Birthday Kyleigh!!

We go forward again....finally!

2010-10-15T16:12:00.006-04:00

So, it's been a while since I've posted. There just wasn't anything going on now in terms of the adoption. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and praying....trying to figure out why it had been 2 months since anything....not even one referral for anyone in our agency. I have gone through ups and downs all through this adoption...it seems like everything has a high and low at the same time. I finally came to the peace in the last couple of weeks that I just needed to have faith. I know I've said it before, but I didn't really believe it in my heart. I would still run to the computer on Friday afternoons to check for updates, and be brokenhearted when nothing would happen. I would still look and compare and wonder and cry. I would still question. Is that really faith in action?

I was just talking to my soon to be eight year old about her constant need to question everything and know and understand what is going on always. To anyone else, it seems disrespectful that she is constantly asking, but we know it's just Kyleigh's way. She HAS to know when, where, why, how what or is gets mad, frustrated, irritated, sad, etc. You get the point. I get irritated myself with it and always find myself saying "Kyleigh, can't you just go along with the flow? Just trust that it will be something good for you and you will enjoy. Just enjoy the ride. You are making the journey much more difficult than it truly has to be".

HELLO! Isn't that exactly what I had been doing? OK, I get it. Lesson learned :-)

So, I let it go....truly this time. And guess what happened? Referral drought over! Just when I wasn't expecting it. Just when I wasn't stalking it out or trying to plan it out.

WE ARE NOW #6!!!!!!!!!!!

It's getting close...it's getting real. One of my very best friends came last week with her absolutely beautiful Ethiopian boy and stayed with us a couple of days. It was refreshing to have a baby in the house again. I was starting to remember...and really get excited!

I don't want to get too excited. We could sit at six and not move again for another 2 months like it happened before, but we have to be able to get a little excited right?! And seeing a couple of blogger moms I follow finally be able to hold their babies in their arms this week has just been a wonderful thing. I've been catching up today and mostly through tears reading their stories and seeing their pictures. This could be us soon....this will be us soon. It's a wonderful realization to something that we know we've been moving towards, but just hasn't felt this real until now.

While I'm still brokenhearted for his birth parents and the situation he is in now, I am rejoicing knowing everyday whether I see it in writing or now, we are being pulled closer together as a family. And that is something to celebrate!

Where has the time gone?

2010-09-29T12:18:00.005-04:00

So, today is me and Bobby's 9th wedding anniversary....9 years! Where has the time gone? I am incredibly blessed to be married to my soul mate, as cheesy as it sounds, it's true.

He has been my rock, my sanity so many times without even knowing it. He knows what I am thinking without having to say a word. He knows how to make me feel better without even saying anything. I cannot imagine my life without him. We are one of those couples that likes to be together all of the time. He works long hours, so the time our family gets with him is so precious. It doesn't matter if we are out doing something or simply just sitting on the couch watching Grey's (yes, this man is awesome and likes it as much as I do!), just having that time together is so important. We've actually been together since I was 18...that's over 12 years.....and yes, I am giving away my age here :-) I can safely say it hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies, there have been struggles like any marriage has, especially when you meet and marry young and pretty much grow up together. Finances, careers, kids and the general stresses of life add to it. We feel so fortunate we have been able to enter ourselves around what is truly important...and our marriage has actually gotten stronger and better for it!

He has been unbelievable through this adoption. While a little reluctant at first, he has blown me away with how it has transformed him too. In this area, he is truly my rock. I am here sometimes sad, discouraged at how long things are taking and at the lack of movement for anything and he is so calm and certain and at peace with everything....reminding me that things are moving, I'm just not seeing it behind the scenes...and we will have our baby in our arms soon...in OUR perfect timing and not someone else's or just because I'm being impatient and want it now. Huh? Me impatient? Yup, he has to deal with this everyday people :-)

So to the most wonderful man, husband and father I know....I love you more than you can ever know and today I am so blessed and proud to celebrate this day with you!

Stuffed Animals for Emergencies (SAFE)

2010-09-15T10:40:00.006-04:00

Hi everyone!

I realized I haven't done a SAFE post in a while and wanted to share some of these great pictures we received. If you have been following my blog for a while, you will know I run a NC chapter for Stuffed Animals for Emergencies. We have many many caring folks that will donate their gently used stuffed animals to us and we clean/sanitize them to give them to children that have been in traumatic situations. I can say from a first hand basis these animals mean a lot and are such a huge comfort during these times.

Earlier this spring, we received thousands of stuffed animals (over 2,500 to be exact) and sorted, sanitized and boxed them up and sent them out to Haiti through a partnering organization called Loving Hugs. I wanted to share some of the pictures they have sent of these donations being shared with the children of Haiti.

For those of you that donated....THANK YOU! A picture is worth a thousand words and these say it all. If you would like to donate or know of an organization that would benefit from these, please let me know. I am trying to make new contacts in the Raleigh/Durham/Cary area, so it's taking me a while to start from scratch again :-)

http://www.stuffedanimalsforemergencies.org/Home.html

I keep trying to get these pictures posted...

2010-09-04T16:57:00.009-04:00

Here are the past few weeks in pictures:

Weird to see your kids in front of a great white shark like that!

or a T. Rex!

Kyleigh ready for school open house

And then there is Reece who insisted on going like this....a fair warning to her teachers!

Our tomboy Reece who was trying to make the go kart fly before the course even started!

Reece's first day of kindergarten..seriously, where have the last 5 years gone?

Just a few pictures of the fun craziness around here the last few weeks! I'll post some of the yard once we get some work done on it. Great yard with our house, but SO much work to be done!

And for those wondering, no movement this week again :-(

Getting into the groove

2010-09-02T21:36:00.003-04:00

So, it's been a while since I've done a post, but it's been incredibly busy!

The girls started school this past week. Under the circumstances of such a quick move, they did awesome! Kyleigh has already made some friends and seems to really enjoy her class. And Reece, I just cannot believe my baby started kindergarten. I did ok dropping her off that morning, but when I went to pick them up, seeing both of them standing there together with their book bags just tore me up! I am class parent for both of their classes and between that, the school volunteering and girl scouts, I think I'm going to have quite a busy year. I've been so busy these last few days, it's been ok to be home, but I'm sure next week I will be missing them terribly. Reece was so funny this morning...she found out Bobby was off and her face lit up "Mommy, now you don't have to be by yourself, you have someone!" It was so sweet :-)

Another thing I need to start on is making connections in the Raleigh/Durham area for stuffed animal collections/donations. I've actually been able to personally meet a couple of folks that have donated and I've collected enough in the past couple of months to do a sizable donation. I'm excited to be in a new area with such an opportunity to make a difference!

On another note, in the past few weeks I've had a friend I used to work with go through some pretty traumatic weeks. Details aside, she was pregnant with twins boys and had a pretty severe complication. She was rushed to the ER, almost died herself, and then the boys were air lifted to Duke. Sadly, one little man didn't make it. It's just heartbreaking to imagine. The other twin is doing better and has been transferred back to their hometown NICU. He is still being monitored due to the lack of oxygen because of the complication, but otherwise is doing well. This is just one of those times where it is so easy to be overwhelmed and let your mind wonder..."where is God" "why would He let something like this happen". I just ask all of you that are reading to please pray for Shannon and Jaren. She needs prayers for understanding, for healing physically and emotionally and Jaren needs prayers for healing. This family needs to feel an uplifting spirit and not to be overwhelmed by all of the "what ifs" that are out there!

Hope you all are having a good September so far and looking forward to the cooler weather! We get our weekly email for the adoption updates tomorrow, so I'm really hoping for any movement at all!!!!

It's true....

2010-08-13T21:43:00.003-04:00

you can be completely over the moon happy about someone and then completely heartbroken about your own situation at the same time. I LOVE this blog community. I have found so much support just in reading other blogs and hearing the experiences. I have gained hope when I would be having a tough waiting day and encouragement as well. When someone gets their referral or brings their baby home after so many months of waiting, it is a joyous thing!!!

However, it wears on my faith when you sit and look at timelines. I'm human here, I do it. I wish I didn't. When you've been waiting well over a year with many more months to go before your referral and someone who has only been waiting for a referral a few months gets theres. Once again, COMPLETELY HAPPY for these folks! But it's heartbreaking. I have faith that God's timing is so much more perfect than mine. I know that when it is meant to happen, it will. I really do. My brain knows these things, but my heart just aches and wonders how much longer. We've moved into this house. We are settled. Plenty of room....we have baby brother's stuff in the closet just waiting for him. Oh I hope we hear something soon! I know life has been coming fast for us lately and we've been incredibly busy, but it doesn't mean I don't think of him every single day. I pray for him every night. I wonder about him every morning when I wake up. I know these feelings will all feel like a lifetime ago soon and will just fade the moment that referral call comes in. Fall seemed to be the busiest time last year, so we are really hoping that things pick up in the next few months so we might still have him home next Spring.

Just crazy emotions from a waiting mama tonight! Hope you all are doing well!!

Bills are paid.....

2010-08-03T11:08:00.005-04:00

clothes are packed....Internet being disconnected today....kids all ready...movers coming bright and early tomorrow.

Bye Bye Carolina Shores, we will miss you!!!

Peaceful moving

2010-08-02T21:42:00.005-04:00

In between all of the crazy things to do while getting ready to move, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on the whole thing. It's funny that a lot of folks have asked if we were going to be like a military family..moving every year or two. I am completely amazed at the difference from the last move to this one.

The last move was hell. I really have no other way to describe it. I felt like I was being ripped away from everything. I was sad and frustrated and determined to find something to complain about during it or to be sad over. Even when things were going good, I would still find something! Talk about being a Negative Nancy as my friend Meredith would say.

I caught myself doing it a couple of times with this move. It's not so much not having a positive attitude this time as it's just being plain stressed out and letting it completely take me over. I get so wrapped up I lose sight in the important things. When I sit back later and think about those things, they are by and large very minor in the big scheme of things....and I'm disappointed in myself for letting it get to me.

Truth is, we have been very blessed so far in this move. We found a house that worked for our family amazingly quick. The moving company moved up their packing time two weeks for us so we could start the kids at the new school. The girls are taking the move incredibly well. Bobby is seriously glowing from the challenge of this new store. And I still get to be a stay at home mom with my girls. Seriously. So I didn't get all of my to do list done one day. Breathe. It's OK!

It's so very easy to fall back into that trap of pity me. It's probably been the hardest change I've had to make if I am being honest. It's an automatic easy fix to sit back and let your mind just take over with all of the **junk** that it can come up with to make you feel overwhelmed, out of control and at the mercy of the world. I'm not called to live that way anymore, but I have to purposely work at it, but that's ok. I think if that part was ever easy, I'm obviously doing something wrong!

So, this is probably the last post until we get into the new house on Friday. And the best news for last???

#9!!!!! We are officially #9 on the list! I've been doing the single digits dance all weekend! Hoping and praying movement continues!!!!!!!!

Cleaning up and cleaning out!

2010-07-29T08:27:00.004-04:00

I am exhausted! I have cleaned out every cabinet in this house. I have scrubbed almost every baseboard. I have pulled out unknown numbers of trash bags of McDonald's toys and other stuff I really couldn't believe we had held onto these last few years! I have just Reece's room and the garage to go....and Reece's room is a post in itself. This child is the most stubborn (but lovable) child on the planet. We have done everything we can think of possible to get her to clean this room...positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, taking privileges away for the lack of listening and helping...heck, even bribing at this point! I mean, the movers will be here in less than a week, we have to have this done!

Sigh. I am mentally exhausted from it. This has been going on since Sunday night....every minute of my waking since Sunday has been consumed with trying to get this child to clean. If it was just a few things, fine, but she has TRASHED this room. I mean, you cannot even see the floor for all of the toys and clothes on it. I don't think I'm in the wrong to expect her to clean up her mess....especially when I've been doing the ENTIRE rest of the house! I'm trying not to give in....and forgive my rant here :-)

We have our last swim lesson today. I did not let her attend on Tuesday (because of the disobedience around the room) and oh boy...we were definitely the circus side show there. She cried, she screamed, she begged, she tried to go in the pool in her clothes. I don't think it's fair to punish Kyleigh since she cleaned her room like I asked, so I have to go. It's 8:30...we leave in an hour and the room is not even close to being done. She sits in there all day saying she's cleaning and then it's actually worse than what it was earlier! I guess everyone at the aquatic center this morning will get another show. Maybe she will be a famous actress one day with all of this drama. At least one grandma befriended me on Tuesday and patted me on the back for standing my ground and not just giving into my kids all of the time. I really needed that :-)

This holding your ground stuff is tough tough....especially since the girls are SO different. Kyleigh would have given in and just listened within the first hour.....and we are on day 4 with Reece!!!! Lord please give me patience and strength!

You will be moving August 6th......

2010-07-26T20:28:00.004-04:00

That was the email I received today from the moving company. They are coming next Wednesday to pack us up, loading it up on Thursday and moving it to the new house in Cary on Friday. Phew.

While I am **extremely** happy to have a quicker move time than the 4 weeks they initially quoted us, I am looking at the calendar and realizing just how quick that is. I don't have much time at all.

Outside of all of the scheduling with last minute appointments, coordinating real estate agents and everything at the new place, something hit me today. The importance of this house. The memories of this house.

I remember crying pulling out of the driveway at our Wilmington house moving here....that was the house we brought our babies home to...in fact, it happens to be the house pretty much all of the major events of our lives at that time had happened in. But this house, while it holds memories of my kids as well, has a special place in my heart for my dad.

My back porch is the last place I sat with him and just talked...he told me all about my grandfather, who he had never really spoken to me about before. My kitchen table was the last meal I had with him. My driveway was the last place I stood and hugged his neck. My road was the last place I saw him drive away. For these reasons, this move has all of a sudden hit home in a very bittersweet way.

I became a very different person in this house. In the quiet times of working from home away from the noise of the office, I was able to hear God for the first time. I still ran for a while, but being pulled away...this move...was one of the best things to ever happen to me. For the first time in my life, I felt safe with my life in His hands. And that is a wonderful thing.

I know I will cry pulling out of this driveway too, but I am so happy to also remember all of the great times that were spent here. Our family has never been stronger or closer and I cannot wait to see what this adventure has in store for us. Hopefully this next house will also be filled with memories of our Korean cutie soon!

Coastal Carolina no more!

2010-07-24T21:58:00.003-04:00

Well, we've given it a little over two great years here in the North Myrtle Beach area, but Bobby got the call last Monday to move to Cary, NC....so here we go again!!

We were lucky enough to find a house to rent really close to the store.....now we just have to push that pesky moving company to get us moving! They are telling us the move is at least 3-4 weeks out! Don't they know school starts in 3 weeks!!!! At least we have somewhere to go. If we have to sleep on air mattresses in the new house in Cary until the rest of our stuff is able to be moved so the girls can start school there, I guess it will be an adventure! I'm just thankful we were able to find a place so quickly.

I will miss this area though. I take for granted that that ocean is 10 minutes away. I know I will miss it incredibly when we move, although there are so many more opportunities for our kids in the city. So much for Kyleigh and Reece and so much more support for adoptive families for sure!

So, this week has been crazy. We just finished celebrating Reece's 5th birthday and actually got the call while we had family down for her birthday. Now it's a rush to get the house ready to sell. We are so thankful to work for a company that will help us with all of this, but it is still stressful. To add to it, Bobby has to start there on Monday...as in day after tomorrow! So, us girls are left behind to get all of this stuff done and daddy is not really happy about having to live out of a hotel either! But, we know it's all temporary and we will all be back together soon.

As for adoption news, we did confirm we have moved up to #10! Woo hoo! These teen numbers have been so incredibly slow. We REALLY hope and pray the single digits come soon and FAST! It was so awesome to hear my husband looking at houses and speaking to folks making sure that there was a room for our little one :-) He even tried to get him counted as an additional person as part of our move, explaining to the lady helping us coordinate this whole thing that it should be treated just like a pregnancy. Oh this man of mine!

Anyway, sorry for the lack of posting and craziness of this post, but as you can see July has been quite crazy for us and August I think will prove to be even crazier!!!

Waiting sucks

2010-07-01T14:17:00.004-04:00

So eloquently put huh?

I've been really good about not buying a lot of stuff, mostly because we don't know how big our child will be, and mostly because I just don't want to stare at it everything and think of it. I got two great coupons in the mail ($10 off purchase of $10) and just couldn't resist. My girls have outgrown shopping at Carter's, but I knew I could get some boy clothes for a real good deal!

And we did....$2.16 for 4 shirts! After I came down from my coupon high, I just pulled them out of the bag and stared at them. I probably just should have given the coupons to a friend.

It's been over a year since we started this process. I knew the waiting would be hard, but for some reason lately it's just been harder. There were no referrals at all in June, and while I'm very grateful our agency sends us weekly emails, it's more and more heartbreaking to get it and see there has been no movement...again.

I've heard so many people talk about the ups and downs of this adoption process and I guess I'm just in a down part. I want so bad to have our baby home...just to know who he is! Everyday I think of him...wondering where he is, is he healthy...what is his birthmom feeling right now....do they know how much we love him already?

I really hope there is more movement in July!!!!

CMA Fest Day 5

2010-06-28T19:05:00.016-04:00

On any other day, I cannot wait to wake up and get started...but this Sunday morning we just couldn't do it. We slept in the one and only day during our vacation :-) It was a bittersweet day with a lot of my mind...I was thankful because 12 years ago on this day, Bobby and I went on our first date, but also the fact that on this day last year, we started our adoption journey and a year has passed. That coupled with the last day of vacation and exhaustion, it was a lot to take in!

It was after lunch before we ever made it downtown to see what was going on. We spent the afternoon roaming around not really with any plans. We went to the big convention center and there were a TON of kids in there. Seems we found the Taylor Swift event.....

She was doing a 13 hour meet and greet, but you had to win wristbands to meet her. We kept texting every hour, but our names never got called unfortunately. She had stuff from her tour and her buses set up in the middle of the stadium, so it was nice (and air conditioned) to sit there and watch all of these personal videos of hers and watch her meet all of her fans down in the middle. She went back into her bus (we thought for a break) and shortly realized we had walked in just in time to catch her impromptu concert! We were quite a ways back, so we don't have really good pictures of it, but she really did a good job!

We ended up getting a signed CD for Kyleigh and a shirt for Reece and sat in there a bit longer after the show and got very much over priced pizza and drinks. After that, we hung around and grabbed dinner and then headed over to the LP field early and just took our time, hanging out and enjoying the last night of fun. We met so many fun people and it was nice to just sit back with a cold beer and take it in.

Did we mention again how hot it was? Here is proof when we went out to the car...

6pm......

103...not counting the heat index!

We were not the only ones taking in the last night. The way CMA Fest works, you get the option to renew your seats every year, so a lot of the people around us had been coming and sitting together for years! They were catching up and already making plans for the next year. You could definitely tell the hardcore concerts goers!

Here was the lineup for the last night....

Justin Moore opening the night up. I have the feeling he's going to be real big soon

Kellie Pickler didn't fair well with the heat and looked like her face was on fire the entire time, but she sang great!

I was loving some Blake Shelton!

Blake and Miranda

Blake and Trace tearing up the night time stage with "Hillbilly Bone"

I couldn't get over how built Trace Adkins was!

Darius Rucker certainly carried his own...and even graced us with some Hootie! He did a version of Prince's "Purple Rain" that completely blew my mind. Best of the night!

I guess Brad Paisley had a trailer full of guitars in the back because he changed them pretty much every song. He was really talented on them though!

You know all of the boys had to come back out for the final performance of the night..."Alcohol"

The last night was a close second to the first night. It was bittersweet to have to leave, but we headed out back to North Carolina bright and early the next day and made it back home around 9:30 that night. For anyone thinking about going, I would tell you to definitely do it! We had such a great time and when you break down all of the shows we saw with the price, it was the deal of the century.

We've had a lot of people ask us if we will go back next year, but we hope we are celebrating having our son home rather than spending it at concerts :-) Here's to hoping!!!

CMA Fest Day 4

2010-06-27T16:30:00.015-04:00

So with everything that happened with the heat the day before, we were happy to have an autograph session with Gretchen Wilson indoors! Here we are meeting the Redneck woman....

After this we did a bit of shopping and just walking around downtown Nashville. We were coming out of a boots store (I racked up on some great boots!) and noticed a very small line outside of the Wildhorse Salon. Anyone else would have thought this might be just the line for lunch, but just then I remember there was a secret CMT Social event that was supposed to happen that afternoon. We decided to crash the line and see how long we could wait in the heat!

This was at 11:30a.m and the show didn't start until 3pm. Luckily they let us in a little over an hour early just to cool off. Getting in line early paid off because we were in the 2nd/3rd row standing right in front of the stage! It was a really cool event because you got a few songs from the artists and they stayed around a few more minutes and answered questions from the audience.....sometimes it got quite interesting!

Here is who was there and a few pictures: Chris Jansen, Randy Houser, Rodney Atkins, Laura Bell Bundy, Gretchen Wilson and Chris Young.....

Loved hearing Randy Houser's rugged, country voice

Rodney Atkins' stories were funny

Laura Bell Bundy was really cute and sincere

It was great to see Gretchen Wilson and Chris Young again too...they were equally as good the second time! We decided we would go back to the hotel again and freshen up, grab something to eat and be refreshed for the night time concerts.

I am kicked back and ready!

At this point we also realize we did not plan on seeing the CMT social earlier...and are not sure how much camera battery we have left! Here is how the lineup went for Saturday night

Randy Houser opened, but we didn't take any pictures since we got quite a few at the CMT Social

Easton Corbin was next

Here's Billy Currington....

Zac Brown Band tearing it up! Although there were several upset folks when they didn't do Chicken Fried!

Martina McBride left the crowd breathless singing "With a Broken Wing". She got a standing ovation that lasted forever...and it was well deserved. She was the best of the night!

And to close it up...Rascal Flats!

Saturday night was the first night we got to bed before 1:30am. All of the concerts ended on time and it definitely felt more scheduled.

Sunday is going to be our last day :-( We know that Taylor Swift is doing some sort of meet and greet event, but don't have a clue about when or where it is. Should we stand in line and try and get an autograph for Kyleigh? Can we handle another day of 100+ degree heat and going strong from 6am to 2am straight?

CMA Fest Day 3

2010-06-26T16:35:00.020-04:00

On Friday, we wanted to get up early enough to be at the Riverfront by 9am to be able to get a good spots for the great shows they were having early morning and late afternoon.

Just as planned we got there and got a decent spot and waited for the first show (Gretchen Wilson) to start at 10. Let me tell you, I must be getting old because chugging back beer at 9am is just not my cup of tea...but there were so many folks out there doing it, which was really dangerous because the temperature was climbing fast and there was NO shade anywhere to be found.

We made it through Gretchen's show (which was great by the way)

I cannot imagine not having a good time with this girl...

Next was The Band Perry, a group that has just recently come out. They did good, but the humidity didn't do any favors for the poor lead singers hair :-(

At this point, I would beg, borrow or trade some shade or air conditioning for just about anything. It's not just hot, it's sticky and miserable. We got lunch, but I couldn't even eat it. I did, however, take it a couple of bottles of water to try and even up what I was sweating out. Good news was everyone else there looked just like us. I'll spare you guys the pictures :-)

Patty Loveless was next, but I spent her performance laying on the ground trying to fan myself and cool down. I really wanted to hold out for Chris Young, who was next. Thank goodness he did not disappoint....

Chris, joined by the HUNDREDS of screaming girls around us.....

We had to leave after that and seek some air conditioning and a shower, so we went back to the hotel for some downtime. After cooling off and getting refreshed, we were ready to go back to LP Field for some more night time concerts!

I see the lineup and I am pretty excited...mostly for Josh Turner (who is one of my favorites) and Keith Urban! Here is how it played out:

Julianne Hough opens...

My man Josh Turner

Miranda Lambert

Keith Urban

A pretty intense tribute with Keith Urban, Little Big Town and Sara Buxton for TN flood victims

At this point, everything was stopped for a wedding...yup, a wedding. Seems two members of the stage crew fell in love and they got married before our eyes...

Taking their vows....

You could tell something was up because there was a completely stop to the show before Reba. They said there was technical difficulties, but it took forever for them to start the show back. We could not figure out what happened except she had one very short video before she came on stage. Anyway, she only sang 4 songs because of how long it took, which was frustrating.

And Kid Rock to close the show....

He performed well after they cut off the TV cameras until 1am. I was surprised, but he really put on a great show! Best of the day goes to Josh or Keith still though :-)

On Saturday, we were going to an autograph session with Gretchen Wilson and no other plans otherwise. Check out the next post to see where the day led us to!

CMA Fest - Day 2

2010-06-23T09:28:00.015-04:00

So thank goodness we didn't have the kids with us, because we knew we were in for some long lines....but we honestly had no idea.

The doors for the convention center open at 10am, so we were there in line at 7am. We thought we were doing pretty good until we realized where the entrance was...and there's no way we were going to get any one's autograph. We were actually standing in line on the back side of the building. Here is the line in front of us:

And it was wrapped around the other side too. All these people were on the way to get their autograph vouchers as well. We found out later while we were inside that each booth usually only gives out 50 to 100...and it's a free for all when those doors open. There were so many big names signing that day (Tim McGraw, Lady A, Jason Aldean, etc.) we knew we didn't have a chance, but we decided to stick around and see what it was all about. The fact that it was air conditioned didn't hurt either :-)

And they were right, complete madness when the doors opened. Bobby and I just kind of stood there watching hundreds of thousands of people running to these booths. As clumsy as I am, it just wasn't a good idea! You could still walk around and get pictures of the folks, so we stayed inside a while and snapped some shots then we ventured outside for a couple of the concerts.

We saw Bombshell (very talent couple of ladies) and Jaron and the Long Road to Love. You guys might recognize him by that song "I'll Pray for you". I laugh every time I hear it because Reece always says "mommy, it's not nice to drop a flower pot on some one's head, but it is nice to pray". Too sweet. Anyway, here is a shot of Jaron:

It was so hot at this point we decided to go back into the convention center for the air conditioning and to get a snack. We strolled around to see what pictures we could get of folks. I have to say we say The Judds there and they never once smiled...not once. They looked so irritated to be there.

We were rounding the corner and I spotted Bucky Covington of American Idol fame. I lifted my camera and said "hey Bucky". He was nice enough to stop what he was doing and pose for me to get his shot. Thanks Bucky!

There was complete madness around the Jason Aldean booth, so we left shortly after that and caught a couple more shows on the Riverfront before grabbing dinner and heading over to LP Field for the big nightly shows. LP Field was huge and they said it was a sold out crowd...around 60,000 people there! We were very happy to be there....and very HOT!

The concerts that night were unbelievable! Here was the lineup:

Danny Gokey was actually pretty good!

The legend Alan Jackson put on a great show!

CMA Fest will air on TV September 1st and one of the camera men was camped out beside us most of the time, so it will be interesting to see if we get on TV. Tim McGraw is "hosting" it, so there were a couple of times where he would do an "introduction" in the middle of everything. TV cameras were everywhere!

Unforgettable performance. Would love to go back and see him again 10 more times!

Great sound by Jason Aldean. Sounds just like he does on the radio.

Up and coming Lady A proved why they are so big right now

Carrie Underwood...she was awesome! Bobby was very happy at this point :-)

And she even did a song with Jason Aldean...Guns and Roses' "Paradise City"

We did not know just how good it was all going to be. I loved the LP shows...and it didn't hurt that we had center stage, 9th row seats either! And to think we have 3 more nights of shows like this was pretty exciting! This was day 2 of going to bed past 2am.

Shows for Day 2: Bombshell, Tyler Dickerson, Jaron and The Long Road to Love, Blaine Larson, Diamond Rio, Jake Own, Danny Gokey, Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw, Jason Aldean, Lady Antebellum and Carrie Underwood.

Day 3 we were planning on spending a complete day a Riverfront because the concerts were going to be so good. Stay tuned to see how we faired in the heat!~

CMA Fest Day 1

2010-06-22T16:35:00.008-04:00

So, there is no way I can fit in 6 days of Nashville into one post, so I'm going to do one a day :-)

Day 1-Wednesday

Holy crap....I had to get up at 3:45am to get started to get to Nashville by late afternoon! I took a quick shower and luckily we had already packed up most of the car the night before and headed on out around 5:30. The drive itself was pretty uneventful until we got into the mountains. By this time, it was lunch so we were just looking anywhere to stop and grab a bite. We saw an exit for a small cafe on the river and decided to try it out:

The food was OK, but better than that, we were even entertained by the staff. As we are waiting for our lunch, there is our waitress....she is sitting at a table with what has to be Willie Nelson's long lost cousin and they are discussing his moonshine. Seriously folks. She is asking for some...right now at 12 in the afternoon. At least "Willie" told her not while she was on the clock and continued to brag on the good quality shine he had. It was all we could do to get out of there without laughing!

Many more miles and hours of rain later and we make it into Nashville. Funny story just to share how tired we were. Our GPS kept telling us that we were going to get there at 2:35. We knew there was no way! 2:35 came and went and we were not even close. It wasn't until we got to the hotel that we realized the time zone change. Duh. My blonde moment taken care of for the week.

We got settled in and decided we would just drive to the lot where our parking pass was so we could figure out where we were going the next day. Neither of us had ever been to Nashville, so everything was all new. We got to the lot and saw a shuttle. Not having a clue where it was going, we thought "why not" and jumped on.

But I had no clue what was about to happen. The shuttle took us right into downtown. We walked about a block or so and saw a large group of people on the sidewalk. We went to check it out and realized we were standing right outside of the CMA awards red carpet! We saw all of the artists get out of their cars and limos and head in for the awards. We were half a block down from the actual entrance and no one was walking down to where we were....until Keith Urban came out. He came all the way down and actually spoke to me (although I have NO clue what he said to me now...shock of the moment I guess) and shook my hand. He was great about taking the time to see everyone!

Then about 30 minutes later, it was madness as Taylor Swift got out of her limo, went about 20 feet and then went inside to the awards. About 10 minutes later, she actually came back out and came down to us too! Of course keep in mind we were just going to get out to figure out where downtown was......I had been up since 3:45am, not wearing any makeup and was exhausted from the trip and it was HOT outside....but, Taylor let me get a picture with her (again, unprepared, so we had no camera. This was taken from Bobby's phone)

We did not go in as huge Taylor fans (although Kyleigh loves her), but I had to respect all she did for her fans.

After all of the drama, we found somewhere to grab dinner and then went to the Cadillac Ranch. We saw Steve Cochran, and he did a great job, but the other local bands were not that great. We stayed around hoping someone from the CMA's might show after it was over, but they never did. We headed back to the hotel to plan out our Thursday...the official first day of CMA Fest. We had planned to be at the convention center in the morning to get in line for several autographs...stay tuned to see how it all turned out!

I'm getting excited....

2010-06-07T16:25:00.003-04:00

I know, everyone probably thought some great adoption news would follow the title of that post, but unfortunately things are slow again. I'm really hoping things pick up again soon. Next Sunday will be a year since we sent our application off. I cannot believe it's been a year already. It's kind of bittersweet to think of it. I hope this year is filled with more baby and less waiting for baby!!

Bobby and I don't really go on dates that often, so we really try to have a mini vacation just for the two of us every year. This year we are going to CMA Fest in Nashville! Not much of a vacation as we will be going to non-stop concerts, events and autograph signings, but we are really excited. I've always wanted to go to Nashville and what better time then during the biggest party of the year?

I have a TON of stuff to do to get ready...and yes we are leaving in less than 48 hours. As usual, I have waited until the last minute :-) Kyleigh's last day of school is Thursday along with the last girl scouts meeting and they both start camp next week and we have Nick at Night going on at church. My poor mother in law is going to get her fill in this next week! She certainly will not be bored!

In general things have been pretty busy and crazy around here. I asked Bobby yesterday if I did all of this when I worked too, but we quickly realized that I didn't. I didn't have a chance to volunteer to help with Sunday School or Habitat lunches or play dates. And I'm certainly happy that I do now. It's a completely different type of busy.

We will be back late Sunday night, so maybe I will be able to post some pictures then. We've never been before, so I have no idea what to expect. You never know what can happen on a road trip and 4 days of concerts! Hope everyone has a great week!

Before you.....Now

2010-05-25T16:49:00.004-04:00

....Before you I would have never read so much world news

....Before you I did not know what it was like to miss someone you had never met

....Before you I felt that a piece of me was somehow missing

....Before you I never imagined how much faith adoption takes

....Before you I didn't understand why God wouldn't say yes to another biological baby

....Before you I never knew or understood how many orphans were in this world

....Before I even know who you are, you are a part of my forever family

....Now I think of you every single day

....Now I pray everyday that God will help me conquer the anxious feeling around all of the uncertainty adoption brings

....Now I will do anything in my power to get you home

....Now I'm praying for peace in Korea

....Now I wonder what your birth mom must be feeling

....Now I want to thank her so much for the gift of you

....Now I cannot wait to meet you and be your mommy

Beautiful gifts

2010-05-17T21:00:00.009-04:00

I'm overwhelmed by the generosity shown by others.....

Over 2,500 stuffed animal donations received

1,393 sorted and approved for donation, cleaned and sanitized

All together 713 pounds of animals

36 boxes on their way to Haiti right now

Priceless.

I was incredibly happy and humbled to help our very surprised local UPS man (who thought I just had one box for him to pick up) load them into the truck...side by side with my wonderful hubby. The generosity that has been shown in the past few months with these donations has really been something. These animals have come from all over, from folks that just wanted to be a comfort to these kids. Here are just a few examples:

*Former co-workers gathering them

*3 different girl scout troops

*2 elementary schools

*3 children's birthday parties

*A mom who just lost her child and donated all of his animals

*2 large companies

*2 churches

*A mom's group

*And many other families that had to heart to donate these animals instead of just tossing them away

I originally wanted to post a picture of all of the animals in my living room, but with the numbers so high, I had them everywhere, so that wasn't really possible! I did manage to get pictures of the boxes before we shipped them out in our living room and I have included them.

To everyone that has donated or helped to get the word out for SAFE, thank you so much! OK, thank you doesn't even begin to cover it. You have helped a child. YOU have made a difference! That stuffed animal is something they will cherish. You have given the gift of hope, shown that child that someone cares no matter how dire their situation may be. It will be something they will carry with them the rest of their lives. Below is a picture of the boxes before their shipment and the others are from Loving Hugs, which is the organization I'm working with to get these to Haitian children.

THANK YOU!

A Haitian family that had been living on a tug boat receiving a donation

Stuffed animals at work

Too precious....

http://www.stuffedanimalsforemergencies.org/Home.html

http://www.lovinghugs.org/

Understanding Mother's Day in a new way

2010-05-10T08:28:00.005-04:00

I was filled with all sorts of feelings yesterday. My girls were so sweet and my kitchen table had hand written cards and treats on it whenever I got up. They were so excited, especially Kyleigh who is horrible at keeping secrets and had managed to hide my present the entire weekend. She was so proud of herself I think!

Instead of being focused on the Mother's Day I was having with my kids, my thoughts quickly wondered to other moms and how they felt on that day. Those moms that have lost children in the past year, those moms that are still struggling with infertility, those moms like myself in the waiting process, foster moms who know they will be handing over those babies they have taken such good care of and grown to love and those birth moms...who have made the selfless decision for their babies to initiate an adoption plan.

The referral dry spell was broken this past week and four referrals were announced! That puts us at #12 I'm thinking. That means that we are still on track to get our referral in the next 6 months or so....that means that our baby's birth mom has either already made her tough decision or will be making it soon. She was on my mind strong all day yesterday....wondering what things might be like for her....hoping she knew that in her decision to pursue an adoption plan that her baby has a family half way around the world that is eagerly waiting for them and loving them so much already. There seems to be quite a bit of activity again, so I am hoping still to have our baby home and in our arms by this time next year.

We also dedicated our girls during our church service yesterday, which was a real honor. I am so happy to have found such a great church family that supports us. I wasn't sure how the girls would do about getting up on the stage, but they did well. Kyleigh couldn't believe how bright it was up there and was squinting and trying to look out the entire time. Gives you a different perspective for the worship team!

I am SO incredibly thankful and blessed to be a mommy and I hope all mommy's out there had a wonderful day yesterday!

Relay for Life

2010-05-03T20:58:00.014-04:00

Saturday was our annual Relay for Life cancer walk in our community. We started doing the kid's walk last year and were gearing up for this years. Unfortunately, we had more folks to walk for, but I think it's a great opportunity to share with my girls.

Here they were starting out. We do the first lap for everyone who has been affected by cancer in any way.

Then we do a lap for every two people in honor or in memory of. I put their names on paper and the girls decorate the paper as we talk about or remember them.

In memory of my dad (Papa Price) and little Jolee who you guys have read about on my blog

It was so hard to see my dad's name again. I was glad it was a sunny day and I had my sunglasses on because I was wiping my tears. Miss my dad so much.

In honor of my husband ("our daddy") and in memory of my husband's grandmother ("our Granny"). This was a tough lap for Kyleigh...who was greatly affected by granny's passing. Even though she was only 4, they were incredibly close and she still talks about her always. We all miss Granny.

In honor of my mom ("Nannie") and Sandra (my sis in law's mom)

In memory of Bobby's grandfather ("Grandpa Byers") and Mark (sis in law's dad)

If you hadn't noticed, we picked up another walker at this stage and Kyleigh's face has lit up. *J* joined us from Kyleigh's school for the last few laps.

This is just my favorite picture yet. She walked all those laps with such determination and even though it was hot and long, he held those signs up with a smile on her face :-)

I'm UP...then I'm DOWN

2010-05-02T15:46:00.003-04:00

So, another Friday comes and goes and again, no referrals. It's been almost 3 months of dry, heart breakingly no news emails. I know, I'm whining. I was just scratching my head. I mean, we usually would get at least one a month! So, I decided to email our agency....just to ask if they knew what was going. With all of the negative publicity adoption has gotten lately, I have had my fill of folks asking me if they thought international adoption would shut down completely. Although I know it's crazy to let thoughts like that encroach into your brain, when the referrals all of a sudden stop at the same time, you begin to wonder!

Anyway, so I emailed, just asking if they knew if things were on hold for a bit....really if they knew anything they could tell me to ease this mama's waiting heart. It's so hard to write those emails and know the right way to ask...I know things are out of their control too and I'm sure they get them all of the time.

So they respond back with "Actually, we have just been told we are getting some next week...and I'm pretty sure there is one for you :-)

WHAT?! Tears of sheer excitement and joy! I'm yelling for my hubby somewhere in the house to come read this email! My kids are asking me what in the world is the news?! So, so very excited!

Then, I realize they have sent me another email. They apologize, but got our name mixed up with another very familiar family name. We will not be getting a referral next week. We still have some undisclosed longer time to wait.

And just like that, my balloon popped. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly excited for those families receiving their referrals, and it's GREAT news that we are even getting them again! But, my heart just sunk. They felt so bad I know.

Phew, this waiting stuff is hard. I cannot believe next month will be a year since we started our process. I thought a year would feel like forever...and some days it has, but all in all it has flown by. I know that the child that is meant for our family will be, whether that referral happens next month or next year. I do pretty good on most days, but that mix up has just seemed to make it worst...now I'm missing them even more, wondering where they are, if they are safe, how long it's going to be before I see their face.

"What is He doing?" Sweet Jolee

2010-04-22T22:07:00.005-04:00

Only one thing to say at this time...I am heartbroken by cancer. I've taken care of my mom while she fought through it, I've cried with my husband when he was diagnosed, I've held my father's hand the moment he passed. I've listened to friends talk of their struggles and watched as their family and friends fought it.

One question always seems paramount....Where is God at in all of this? How could God leave a 8 year old to take care of her dying mother? How could God take away a 2 year old from a mother's arms? In the midst of all of the pain and emotion, it's hard to understand God's will. We want our family and friends to always be here. We are never emotionally ready to let go. It's never enough time. We want to barter with God for just a little bit more. I sometimes wish we could see the entire canvas as He does, but then I wonder what we would do with it. Many times the small portion we get to view gets distorted.

Today a very special little girl named Jolee joined so many with her Holy God in Heaven. While we are here on earth crying in remorse, there are many more joining in songs of praise for her spirit. Oh how she is being lifted and praised right now. But in that joyous time, her family and so many touched by her short life are left with an emptiness.

This is a hole only God can fill. His promise to us is not that He can keep these tragic things from happening, but that He will see us through them. He is waiting for all of us to lay our burdens down and to give these things up to Him. Only He knows and understands why this happened, no words we can say here on this earth can take this away or make the pain subside. In sorrowful times, it's hard for you to let it go....you've been holding it together so long. Being strong for everyone, but God is being strong for you. He is your rock. Lean on Him. Let Him comfort you. Let Him give you peace.

The whirlwind of emotions will continue to spin and at times you will feel completely over taken by them. Little things will remind you of her, even years later. Every time you hear the word cancer your heart will break in remembrance. But, Jolee touched so many. She gave so many courage and strength. We were in awe of your family.

I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could say it's going to be easy. What I can do is continue to pray and ask everyone that is reading this blog to do the same. I am praying for peace and understanding and strength for all of you. I am praying you know how much your little girl meant to so many. I am praying you know what an inspiration your entire family is. I am praying you know what a wonderful place Jolee is in now. She is holding onto the arms of her heavenly Father, completely healed and saved.

I just cannot take something else happening in my life

2010-04-16T09:16:00.004-04:00

I have a lot of family/friends right now going through a wide spectrum of life's dealings...and while I do not want to bring their journey's into the light of the entire blogger world, I do want to write a post of encouragement.

I have friends that are being beat down by the sheer challenge of being a parent, some are going through financial changes, some are battling family issues and some are fighting for healing for family members. Maybe one of you reading this blog are going through one, or all, of these too.

It's hard to hear the confusion and frustration and fear in these voices. Sometimes they just want to run away and have a break from it. Wouldn't that be nice? Like on that Adam Sandler movie where you can have your own remote to just pause everything so it can sink in and maybe make sense?

It's hard being a parent. Period. There really is nothing else to add to that. It is the most rewarding, amazing, life changing thing you can do.....but it's hard. Your patience is tested, you are being watched all of the time, you are at one or more people's becking call, you are in charge of one or more futures....teaching them, molding them, discipline, encouraging, feeding, cleaning, scheduling....etc. It's going to be an adjustment when you add another beautiful child to your house, whether it's your first or 19th. Don't be so hard on yourself. Love yourself so you are able to love others. No one is perfect. You have every intention of giving that child all of the love and hope possible..and that is what is important, not being on a certain nap schedule by now or showing the world that you have it all together. We all have had those moments where we have just broken down....that's the beautiful moment when God goes to work and puts us back together.

It's hard when your life from a financial standpoint has not exactly turned out how you thought it would several years ago. It's easy to buy into societies notion of feeling like a failure or not being on the right path because you don't have a certain amount in your bank account. While money is important to sustain us with food, clothing, shelter, etc., it is NOT the definition of your life. You are rich beyond anything printed paper can prove. And those mistakes made, they are just that...past tense..made. The beautiful thing is you can learn and move on. A new opportunity has been provided for you and your future to live in a different way. Your future is your blessing. Look forward to it and please don't beat yourself up over an unchangeable past. You are a wonderful person with a wonderful future.

It's hard when you are called apart from your family. We all have those family secrets that we hide...and these have molded us probably more than we know. When you count on your parents for unconditional love and support and beliefs and views collide like no other. Hold fast. Don't give up. I stand amazed at what pride can do to completely break down a family. You are incredibly strong, forgiving and kind hearted. It is not going unnoticed. Pride is a hard thing to work through no matter what your beliefs are. Hold strong. I am so proud of you.

It's hard when the people you love and care for the most get sick, and there isn't anything you can do about it. You feel completely out of control and at mercy to this world. You hold it in and hold it together because you don't want people to see it's affect on you. Everyone is amazed at your strength, but you are really breaking down inside. We are selfish beings....we all want our loved ones to stay with us forever. We love them so much. We cannot imagine life without them. Cancer is an incredibly cruel thing. I don't think I know anyone it hasn't touched in one way or another. Please, find someone you can open up to. A friend, another family member...Pray. Be vulnerable....let the emotion and fear and anger out. I know you are feeling all of those and so much more...it's OK. It's normal. Walking with a family member or close friend through something like this is life changing. I cannot say why it's happening and I know that was my main question. Why. I was mad. I was sad. I was unbelieving. I was overwhelmed. I felt alone. I was overwhelmed with emotions that I have no words for. Please know there are so many of us that love you, pray for you every day, and will walk with you through this. I don't know where you are in your personal journey through this battle, but there is always a hand or ear here.

You are God's child and He loves you. Talk to Him. Be honest, be open. Ask questions, be open to answers. And wait. You are not alone, you are loved and adored by so many.

Through the looking glass

2010-04-11T15:40:00.001-04:00

We all have our very own views...why and how we feel about everything. Most of the time, these are created through what we have witnessed with our own eyes, experiences we've had, things we have been told to be true.

Growing up, most of my perspectives were a result of things I had experienced or what my peers were telling me. Like any other kid, we all thought we knew everything didn't we?! But where did following these worldly views send me....hopelessly nowhere. I believed I could be it all, have it all, money was the key to living a happy life and my happy future was dependent upon building up my 401K. I bought the scam and believed the lies.

Sitting in church this morning, I was thrilled that our new series was about Jonah....boy can I relate to this one. I started this blog a month or so after we moved here, at a time when my life was starting to be turned upside down. I am amazed at what has happened 100 posts later and I am incredibly happy about it.

My mind and focus was set on my worldly view of things, how I thought my life should be and how I perceived it should all go down. Truth be told, I was very bitter about the move. This was certainly NOT in my plans! For those of you who personally know me, or have picked it up from my writings, I am pretty stubborn. In this case, it was not a happy virtue to have. In one phone call from my husband's boss, my world view was completely changed. In one phone call from my dad a couple of months later, my world view was changed again. And it was devastating....because my view was based on something that is ever changing and not on anything consistent and true. I was absolutely lost...and mentally I ran. I ran from facing what was going on with my dad, I ran from accepting our move and being happy about it, I ran from figuring out what I wanted to do with my career instead of settling....I ran from the feeling that something bigger was going on here.

I didn't want to show weakness. I didn't want to give up control...what I wasn't getting was the fact that I never had it in the first place! I truly believe by tearing me down, God built me back up. I was so stubborn and so ingrained with my thinking, it took this much. Looking back now, He had sent Godly people into my life (Ashley, Meredith and Diana, you know who you are), to help me, He had made health changes, He had shown me so many things...and I knew it, and I still ran. I didn't want any part in it because it didn't fit with my plans...and we all know how much better my ideas are :-)

Anyway, thank goodness He loved me enough to not leave me there. Even though I was loving the world and not Him, He never gave up on me. It was unconditional...with nothing back He gave it all for me. I never want to stay in that complacency again because I know I'm meant for something more than this world told me I was!

This Sunday I give praise to my redeemer, my rescuer, my Heavenly Father who loved me even when I slammed the door in His face so many times. This step of turning my back on the world and living by faith and not by sight is one that I would have laughed at two years ago and now I wouldn't go back to spend a day there for all of the money in the world.

Let me tell you about this little girl....

2010-04-10T10:55:00.003-04:00

This little girl is incredible and so is her family. This little girl was born prematurely...weighing in at one pound 5 ounces. This little girl is a fighter.

With the hand of God, the strength and love of her family, the wisdom and care of her medical team she fought and persevered.

Last summer she was diagnosed with Stage IV High Risk Neurtoblastoma. She has fought through many treatments and was doing better, however the cancer has now come back and has completely overtaken her poor body. She just celebrated her second birthday last month.

They are doing another round of chemo to see how her response is. Depending on those results, this family may have some tough choices ahead of them.

This little girl is named Jolee. I came to know her though a co-worker who is her aunt and one of the most kindest people I've ever met.

Can I please ask that you all hold this family up in prayer. I look at my two little ones and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for their safety and health. I know how incredibly hard this decision was when I had to make it for my dad....but for your child, I cannot imagine. It just makes me cry.

Please, put Jolee on your church prayer list. Please prayer for healing for her little body and spirit. Please pray for strength for her family. Please pray for wisdom for her medical staff. Please pray for a miracle for this family. Please pray that no matter what happens in the coming days, that they lean on God for support because I know he is wanting to cover them in love and comfort.

Pressures of the modern day woman/parent

2010-04-08T09:20:00.006-04:00

I think it's hard being a woman (of course I'm one sided and bias here), but especially today and especiallly being a parent.

In a time when Destiny's child can have hits with a song like "Bills, bills, bills" about having a man to pay their bills and then turn around and release "Independent Woman" some years later about being completely independent from that same notion. I grew up wanting to be completely independent. I didn't want to depend on anyone for anything....all too many times there were strings attached. If I worked hard, I could control it all....I could do it all.

I felt pressure to have my own career and be a successful figure, to own a certain type of home, to have 2.5 kids...which of course I would manage without blinking an eye, be completely supportive of my husband and have dinner on the table for all of them at promptly 6pm after working all day. At night, I would be able to get all of the cleaning and laundry done and start my next day in a perfectly clean and organized home. That commercial with Kelly Ripa for those washers and dryer where "she can be even more perfect" drives me up the wall.

Seriously ladies, it's tough out there! I always held tight to that advice or those conversations I would have with folks that I knew would be real with me.....your laundry will pile up to 5 or more loads and it's OK, your dishes will fill the sink and you will be too tire to wash them sometimes and it's OK, you will not always have Mary Poppins patience with your kids and it's OK. I love and cherish these stories of families just being real because I just couldn't keep up with the notion (and stress) of doing everything perfectly all of the time!

So, I thought I would share some real stories with you guys. Some of you are just now starting families, some of you have babies or many more kids than I do, but I thought it would be fun to share some. I know I'm not alone in saying that worry seriously takes over sometimes...I worry a lot about the parent I am and the effect I'm having on my kids and I think that's a normal thing for any mom to do, but life happens and sometimes you just have to run with it!

~Life Lesson #1: Lock away your art supplies. Don't just put them away in drawers.
We were getting our house ready to sell and we had just spent two days painting and preparing. I was in the bathroom and came downstairs to a lovely painting of green all the way down my stairwell...my carpet...my living room walls...my entertainment center...and even the poor unsuspecting dog. Another two days of painting......

~Life Lesson #2: Always ask your child questions about what they talked about with their friends that day.
Kyleigh was 4 and was discussing with me a video a friend was telling her about at school that she wanted us to buy for her. Honestly, I was half listening, thinking she was going to ask again for another Barbie movie, but I asked the name of it. "Well (child's name) said she stays up late and sees it advertised. She told us it's called Girls Gone Wild". After a freak out of follow up questions about what exactly the other child said about the video, we found out that Kyleigh just thought it was a dancing video and really didn't know anything about it's true content! Seriously would have never thought this would be a conversation occuring at 4!

~Life Lesson #3: Go to Rooms to Go right now and splurge on a mattress protector.
Not only do they save your mattress during potty training at night (which is an adventure in itself), but when your 4 year old decides to sneak in the gallon of strawberries you just picked into her room and stains EVERYTHING her favorite color pink, your mattress will survive yet again!

~Life Lesson #4: Time outs are for mommies too
Oh we love these kiddos so very much, but something very serious happened with my girls at 2 and most notably age 4. Some stubborn, loud, knowing it all, nagging demon possessed them. Luckily, it goes away (I'm sure to rear it's lovely head again in the teenage years), but during this time it's a test like no other. They are figuring out limits and independence...and testing your limits at the same time. It's OK to get frustrated, but know that I'm pretty sure they all go through this...and we've all survived and are even looking forward to having more! I never wanted to be that mom screaming at her kids or hitting them out of shear frustration. We've learned when we have situations like this, both mom and child have a time out for the same reasons....it gives us both time to calm down and not react emotionally. We come back together and can clearly talk it through. This has worked much better in our house than anything else we've tried. And a night out with your best girl friends are so important. Plan that lunch or dinner date with them and keep it!

Oh there are so many more (and more to come I know!), but I thought this would be a fun post!

Sideways,

2010-03-31T15:56:00.004-04:00

backwards, forwards, up, down...any way you look at it, it had to happen.

I've been doing some wrestling and struggling lately, well, for months really. Wresting with God, with what I think my life goals should be, what I should be doing with my life. I cannot describe in words what it is like to have everything you thought you wanted all of a sudden vanish as if it was never important after all. It's all been a huge April Fool's joke....and God has slowly been opening my eyes to it. I bought into the notion that I needed to do whatever I could to move up in my job...whatever the cost, working late, taking in the stress, doing what they asked me to. It was important to make the money to give my kids every opportunity....but what if the opportunities they wanted and needed were different than what I thought?

What if they just wanted the opportunity to have 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with me after a long day of school to just color or talk? What if they wanted the opportunity to come home to a mom that wasn't already stressed out from her day? Or the opportunity to watch their mom live by example....instead of just voicing to them what is important. These things I feel are so much more important than being able to buy them the latest clothes or go on trips every year. My career was becoming a shadow of what my real job should be....a mom and wife.

A support to my husband who I love more than anything in this world. Being there to get Reece ready for Kindergarten, to challenge Kyleigh and to welcome our son home. Having the time to cook and bake like I want to for my family. Having time to LIVE what I believe, instead of just preaching to my kids about it.

So, you may have guessed it by now, but as of April 21st, I will be no longer working 50+ hour weeks, stressing over deadlines that are completely out of my control, wishing I could take a break and enjoy the day...but staying chained to my computer. April 22nd will begin a new journey for our family.

This is a COMPLETE leap of faith, but I've felt this for a long time. It has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done to let this job go. It wasn't a decision made lightly. I have agonized over it for months, praying and going over our finances again and again. My amazing husband though? Absolutely no hesitation....he just wants me to be happy. Tell me again how lucky I am? I have thrown my entire life up to see where God takes it....and I'm excited to see where it goes! I am really looking forward to having Reece home with me and being with the girls this summer. I have so many things I want to do to get them ready for the next school year! And I hope to be more involved in scouts, school and pretty much anything they get into...as well as being home with our son!!!

I will be looking for something I can do very part time from home just to supplement a bit, but I know it will all work out. I've already found a few options, I just need to make a decision :-)

Anyway, that's been the big deal around here lately! Huge life changes for us again this year!

I've wanted to write...

2010-03-29T15:58:00.004-04:00

but I've been incredibly busy this past month! March feels like a complete whirlwind, but lots of great things have happened! I wish I had some great adoption news to share, but there haven't been any referrals since the beginning/middle of February. Now they are possibly quoting up to 30 months waiting for healthy infant girls! We've seen such a change in the length of the waiting period since we began last June, but we continue to pray for patience and know that the child that is meant to be ours, will be. We are still hoping to get our referral for a boy sometime in October/November.

I have made my friends laugh by telling them my house looks like an episode of hoarders...no, really. February and March I was blessed and overwhelmed by an outpouring of stuffed animal donations...and they continue to come in strong. I'm estimating over a thousand in my house right now! I'm really hoping things slow down a bit so I can do an animal marathon and get them cleaned up and shipped out to Haiti where they are truly needed!

At the beginning of the month, Bobby went to the National Lowes Convention. He was completely blown away to learn he received the store manager of the year award for his region....what an honor! He was really humbled by it all, especially since he truly loves what he does. Anyway, he gets to have a party and everything at his store next month, how fun!

My job has been crazy. Been working a lot of extra hours, which equals extra frustration to me. Lots of stuff going on in the background on this one...that's a post for another day!

The girls are doing great. Kyleigh got glasses this month and looks so cute! Of course Reece felt left out because she didn't have glasses, so the wonderful lady at the doctor gave us a display pair for her...she wears them proudly...even with the wording on the "lenses" ;-)

Kyleigh has really been doing well in school, so well in fact that I am concerned she is not being challenged enough. I have heard from two or three separate folks in the school the same concern with her. She is consistently reading at 2 or 3 grade levels above 1st grade. They have reading groups split up among the grades and I asked what happens when she is at or above 5th grade in her school....no response. I just don't want her to get bored and start getting in trouble or lose her passion for school in general. I've also been told she has been given a "buddy" to watch over. There is another child in her class with ADHD and Kyleigh is responsible for helping him with his work...get him started...helping him along and also helping the teachers. While I appreciate the fact that she is learning to help others and being a great help to her teachers, I don't want that kind of pressure on her. She takes responsibility very seriously...if he doesn't do well, she will take it personal. Phew, I'll be glad when this school year is over!

Bobby has been doing his autocross and having a great time. They've done two races so far. I just think it's a great opportunity for him and his brother to have that time together. I'm sure our son will enjoy it one day too..or heck, even Reece would love to be out there!

Anyway, there have been some long, serious conversations going on in our house over some changes that need to be made. We are close to working out the final tweaks and I will be so happy to report the good news once I am able too!

Hope everyone is well!

It doesn't matter how bad my day is....

2010-03-01T14:27:00.005-05:00

So, I've taken a few days away from blogging. I've been doing a lot thinking and praying about a lot of different things. You know when you feel that changes need to be made, but you are not sure what kind of changes or how to even do it? Wouldn't it be nice to get a mission statement from God along with clear instructions?

When you are a new person in God, you leave your past behind...you are literally a brand new being in His eyes. It seems a lot of the time that God has an easier time letting go of that than we do. Oh, we do really well for a while, and then those old thoughts and feelings start trying to make their way in....and it's hard not to just slip back into that same old same old. So, needless to say I have done some wrestling with myself these last few weeks, but I have come out renewed, and I think that is the important part.

I've had some really tough days at work lately...well, the last year actually and today is no different. Just when I have had it, just when I am ready to blow my top...I know I need to take a break. Kyleigh had a teacher workday today, so she is home with me and I go to hang out with her and clear my mind a bit. I LOVE God's perfect timing.

What has Kyleigh been working on while I've been fighting back anger and tears from this job you ask? A song. She has pulled out her guitar and pen and pencil and was writing her very first song.

It really reached a special place in my heart and I thought I would share it with everyone today. Just what I needed and hopefully what you need as well. Original words (and spelling!) by Kyleigh.......

I know God from my hart.

I know Jeases from hevan and you can know them to if you sing this song.

You might migt know more abawt them in your hart.

You can sing this song in your hart.

I know Jeases and God and you will too if you sing this song.

It's doesn't matter how bad my day is. It doesn't matter that I have no clue what to do right now. Kyleigh tells me all that matters is knowing God in my heart.

On the ball!

2010-02-13T21:15:00.008-05:00

So, I have accumulated quite a few stuffed animals in the past month that I needed to clean and go through because I'm going to be getting *hopefully* hundreds more in the next couple of days, so I had a lot of work to do! My wonderful husband had pulled all of my shipments out of the boxes and ran them through the steam/sanitizing cycle, I just needed to sort them and go through them. This ended up taking longer than I thought! I probably worked on this for at least 4 hours to get through the pile I had, but I got it finished up! In case you are wondering, here is what 323 stuffed animals look like piled high and overflowing:

And then all boxed up:

**Note the shameless Lowe's plug :-)

These were going to be mailed out today, but with the "winter storm" we got here at the beach, I hung close to play in the 3 inches of snow!

Our house close by the beach...covered with snow!

Our dog Pugsley didn't like it so well

Anyway, the last of the stuffed animals will be mailed out to the NC Hwy Patrol this week. They are super excited to get them and they want to give each of their troopers 4 or 5 animals to keep in their trunks....all 1,825 troopers! Looks like I will be busy for a while!

I usually work from home, but since my department just went through a major re-org last month and we have mostly new team members, they have asked myself and another regional co-worker to come in for a couple of days. So, I will be commuting on Monday and Tuesday. I let all of my old work buddies know I was coming into the office and they are bringing stuffed animals too...in fact, the word has spread so far and I've gotten calls from all sorts of folks that are collecting for me. I hope I have enough room in the Pilot! All of these animals will go towards the first batch of a rather large Haiti donation to comfort children affected by the earthquake. For anyone reading, if you or anyone you know has stuffed animals they would like to donate, please let me know!

Tomorrow I am excited to be going to Wilmington to see my friend Meredith speak at her church on adoption. I know she's probably getting nervous, but she's going to do great! And how lucky am I to get to see her two weekends in a row!

Hope everyone is well and planning a great Valentine's Day!

I know not to get too excited but......

2010-02-09T10:04:00.002-05:00

We finally have movement on the adoption referrals! As of right now we are sitting at.....

Congrats to all families on the list still waiting! I know I wasn't alone in my celebrating at this news! We are still looking at probably September or October for our referral, but we are just incredibly happy to be even closer to our little one! I know there are also several families waiting for travel news, so I will be hoping and praying their good news will come very soon :-)

I-171H Received!

2010-02-04T16:57:00.003-05:00

I was shocked today to check the mail and find our I-171H already back! I thought this would take at least a month or so. Now we have done every piece of paperwork we can possibly do...we have processed everything....got it all back. Now we just wait for our referral.

It's been very slow lately. There were no referrals at all in January. So disappointing! Usually there are maybe two a month, but none? It's just discouraging when there is no movement at all. I really look forward to those Friday afternoon emails from our agency...telling us any movement that's happened that week. I know that in years past there was no movement in December and this year there was, so for that we are thankful, but just like any other mama out there, we go through times of discouragement in the wait. Please don't get me wrong, it's completely worth another year of wait or two even! And we have a new social worker at our agency in Korea, so I'm wondering how that is going to affect things as well.

I know how fast this past year has gone and I guess I'm stuck. I want time to stop because my girls are growing up so fast and I want to hit pause and enjoy every second of it...but I want my baby home too!

There's something out there...

2010-01-25T10:36:00.004-05:00

So I was completely freaked out this morning by one of the strangest dreams I have had. Not much sleep last night anyway. Went to bed about midnight and we had a horrible rain storm last night. Those lovely windows above our bed that let all of the sunshine in turn into drums above your head when it is raining hard! So, about 2am, there I was listening to it (along with a snoring pug). Around 4am, I awoke to Reece telling me she had an accident in her bed and wanted me to change the sheets. I rolled right over onto Kyleigh who had also made her way into our bed some point between 3 and 4. I change the sheets, get everyone cleaned up and tucked back and in settle back down to hearing Bobby's alarm going off every 10 minutes.

Seems in that span my brain entered some sort of strange dream....one of those real ones where when you wake up you are completely thinking it is still going on. Here's what was happening for all of you dream interpreters out there.....

I'm waking up with the girls. We head into the kitchen to have some breakfast and there is someone standing there looking a lot like me (they had on a hooded sweatshirt, so it was hard to see). She was standing in my kitchen looking through a stack of books, different ones from religion to inspirational ones...and scoffing at them. "Hmm, interesting" and putting them aside.

At this point, I'm standing there with my kids not knowing what to do. I stay back and ask who she is and how she got in my house. She answers saying she used to live here and thought she might come back for a while and see everything that has changed. She goes and sits on the couch looking around and stops and just stares at me, waiting for an answer. I am stammering, trying to figure out how she could have lived here before when we built this house new.

At this point, I wake up. Of course when I look around and it's exactly how my dream started (kids in bed asking for breakfast), I'm scared. Will there be a complete stranger standing in my kitchen when I open my door? (You should have seen me looking out!)

I cannot get this dream out of my head this morning. I very rarely remember dreams. Who is this girl that looked like me, who was laughing at my books and said she used to live here? I've been praying a lot lately for God to show me the person He wants me to become and what that might look like (family, job, home, etc.). I believe a lot of the time you have to understand where you have been to know where you are going. I think I was shown the person I used to be. I know, this is crazy right! What was crazy was that I didn't do anything, we just stood there starring at each other...I didn't beg her to leave or call the police or ask her to stay or fix her breakfast. I did nothing. I am doing nothing. It was an impasse.

Maybe this is my complete lack of sleep talking this morning. Maybe it's as simple as the meatloaf I had last night or the complete exhaustion from grocery shopping until 10pm, but what if it's not. What if it's my sign I've been looking for and I discredit God's communication as spicy meatloaf?

Anyone had crazy dreams that really spoke to you?

Just another parental path done

2010-01-18T17:12:00.008-05:00

Yup, so I'm trying to work today with both girls home. Aside from a few bickering fights, it's been pretty good....until Kyleigh walks in the room and says "uh, mom. I found some hair in the bathroom".

The following is a journey in pictures of my 4 year old's attempt at what I have to guess is a female mullet. Join me will you...

The tool

Some of the carnage....

Where did 4 inches of her hair go in the front???

This is just wrong....

Evidently Kyleigh thought she did a better job of hiding things like scissors and glue from Reece than we do and hid a pair of her own we didn't know she had. Well, sneaky Reece found them and decided while I was on a call she would give herself a stylish new do. Lord help me! It could have been worse I suppose. I remember when I gave myself a hair cut and only left about 1/2 of bangs! That was a good look!

So now Reece looks like she is growing out a mullet and it's only Monday! Sigh :-)

A busy and joyful weekend!

2010-01-18T09:09:00.016-05:00

I was counting down the days until the weekend because I knew how awesome it was going to be! Here is the rundown.....

On Friday my father in law came down to help Bobby with some work on his car, but unfortunately they ran into some trouble and didn't get done what they wanted to. Bobby was pretty disappointed, but hopefully they will be able to get together again soon to get it finished up. His dad stayed the night on Friday, much to the delight of my girls who love their "big Papa". Here are some pictures of them playing in the big red truck:

Notice the dirt all over the knees in her pants. She had them tore up within the hour

Everyone was laughing at our photo session!

On Saturday, we headed to Wilmington to my friend Whitney's baby shower and see the infamous baby Aaron! When we come into Wilmington, a smile just comes over my face. I met so many great people while living there and have so many great friendships from it. Here is a picture from Whitney's shower. All us girls worked together in the office!

Not too much longer for Whitney and Jen!

Bobby dropped me off and took the girls to Monkey Joes to play. They had a ball and daddy still got to watch his Carolina game :-) After that, we headed to Meredith's house to meet Aaron. Abby was pretty upset with me last time I came and didn't bring the girls, so I think we made up this time! The girls played while we got to know little Aaron and listened to Meredith tell us about her trip in Ethiopia and showed us lots of great pictures. Here are some of the little man!

I couldn't take my eyes off him...so sweet!!

Mommy makes me laugh!

Loving this man of mine!!!

I was so happy to see Meredith and have her home and so thankful they had a safe trip!

On Sunday after church we set out to the Extreme Home Makeover site. They are doing a home for a family that lives about 45-hour from us. Bobby went out last week and did some volunteering, so he watched the girls Sunday afternoon while I got my chance (did I mention how much I love this guy?!). This family has an unbelievable story and is so deserving. I didn't get to meet any celebrities or anything, but that's ok, the experience was great! Keep your eyes out for the SC home with guest Jeff Gordon. Here are some pictures of me in the line moving the furniture in the house!

Got a great shot of the house when all of the trucks moved

The story of meeting Jeff Gordon had me laughing from this volunteer!

Lots of beautiful stuff from Target for the home!

Get this truck loaded!

Dirt track for BMX/go karts in the backyard in process

Today I am completely exhausted from all of the madness of the weekend, but it was all so great! I smiled and laughed so much this weekend my cheeks still hurt!

Hoping this will find you where ever you are

2010-01-15T11:26:00.005-05:00

Matthew 5:29 So if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your body parts than to have your whole body thrown into hell

Everything about this verse makes me stop in my tracks. I've casually ran across it many times while reading...in my short sight taking these words very literally and thinking they did not apply to me, like I am exempt from ANY part of God's word. I've grown a lot and I'm still growing....and wondering if anyone else is like I was/am.

Christianity has not come easy to me. Most of my life was spent being abused in one way or another by other "Christians"....you can say my image of what Christianity and God are were warped. I wanted nothing to do with it. I knew people that were doing unspeakable acts to others and then talking about knowing God. I knew people that were going to church just to sleep with other people or keep up an image. I knew people that were changed so much by the world that I didn't even recognize them anymore. And it hurt. I wanted no part of it. Why would God let these people do and say these things...hurt others with no recourse while others were at the mercy of it all? I just didn't understand.

I think the last time I went to church was around the time I was 16 or 17. I was at one of my lowest points. No faith in anyone or anything. Why bother, it was always a disappointment. People I thought that loved me didn't....people I thought I could trust had been betraying me for years. A pity party full of bitterness and acting out.

I really didn't have another interaction with Christianity until I started working where I do now. I had friends that wore it on their sleeves proudly, which made me uncomfortable....it was in no way that they were showboating their religion, they were just so completely in love with Jesus they couldn't keep it to themselves....just as we all have been with any love in our lives. I became friends with them, but I was still very guarded. I still didn't feel like God loved or cared about me and I didn't believe anything they were saying.

Two years ago, my life was filled with lots of distractions....relationships that needed to be mended, but it was easier to pretend that everything was OK, lots of friends and activities, moving up the company ladder, daydreaming about what our lives could be in 5 years...etc. The fluff of the American life...I had bought into the American dream. 2.5 kids, house, job, money in the bank, husband. Not to say we did not have our share of struggles to get where we were, but still, we were there, we had made it. Wasn't that enough? I had it all....right?

Not exactly. One by one things started to fall apart in my eyes. My job that I had received so much joy from, was not so joyous anymore. My husband got a promotion, but that meant we would have to move...away from everything I knew. Everything. I even had to switch jobs. All of it was new. In a matter of 2 months, my life (outside of my immediate family) was unrecognizable....and to top it all off, my dad would be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer only a month later. I was depressed. With my job, I was working from home. No more comforts of gossiping with the office ladies or going out to lunch. I was alone. No more shopping therapy. The nearest Target was now 40 minutes away. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do but sit and think about everything. Before I knew it, I was praying. I wasn't sure how I felt about everything, but this time I was relying on my own journey and impressions and not someone else's.

When the passage above talks about tearing out and throwing away parts of you, there is a literal translation to be had surely, but also one that I had failed to look beyond. In my sin, I was too weak to throw these things myself and God knew that. If it was up to me, I would have never made such drastic changes to my life in that way, but thank goodness it's not up to me :-)

By the end of the year, I was going through a huge transformation. It was all becoming clear to me...and the more sick my dad became, the closer to God I grew. It would have been easy to fall back into that same thought process. Why would God keep my dad from me all my life to reconcile us 23 years later...and then take him away so quickly again in just a few years? Why was I still carrying around so much hurt and displaced bitterness and guilt from things that happened so many years ago with other people in my life. I remember clearly today falling to my knees in the chapel at the hospital and just giving it all up that December 2007. My life has never been the same.

I started going to church shortly after my dad's passing. I started reading the bible daily. I started praying daily. I started forgiving and letting go. I started cutting off all of those things that bound me to that previous life I wanted nothing more of. I started becoming the person God always knew I was. I started LIVING.

Our pastor did a series not too long ago about Living Against the Grain. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy. Sometimes that old part of me just wants to say "NO MORE" when I am trying to work through a troubled relationship. It's easier to to give in than push to the root of the problem or forgive something or someone. It's hard to get rid of those things you are so familiar with....those distractions in your day to day life that are keeping you from the kind of relationship that can totally turn your whole world around.

People prune back trees to make them grow....what needs to be cut off to make you grow? Is that bitterness you are holding onto worth the eternal sacrifice you are making? How does it really affect your life and others? Can you take all of that money you are making and hording with you when you die? Can you see something better to do with it? Could that hour of playing on the computer have meant more if you would have spent it with your kid? Are you living the way you are saying you are? Do your words match your actions? Could you be a better listener, follower, friend, parent, person? Now is the time my friends. Don't look back...in a few years you wouldn't recognize yourself even if you did.....now wouldn't THAT be something....

SAFE

2010-01-13T13:01:00.008-05:00

Ever since I started the NC (and parts of SC) chapter of SAFE (Stuffed Animals for Emergencies), I've had some folks ask what exactly it is I do. Here is the run down.....

My contact information is saved on the main website, and I get a pretty good number of emails a day to respond to. There are several groups all around the state doing stuffed animal drives right now to mail to me, which is pretty exciting! I am also on a few local Yahoo groups where folks can contact me about donation opportunities. I usually get in about a package a week on average I would say. These folks that are donating are AWESOME! Instead of throwing out these stuffed animals, they will go to a child that really needs that comfort.

So, then they sit in boxes for about a week or two (depending upon how crazy my life is at that point) in the corner of my bedroom. I'm actually looking at 2 boxes and 2 trash bags full right now to go through :-) Once I'm ready , I look through each of them for cleanliness and wear and tear and then cut the tags off. This was a SMALL PART of my December stash!

For Christmas, the rebates on washers and dryers were so great, Bobby and I decided to get a new set, complete with the steam option. In just 15 minutes, I can pop my animals in my dryer and they will be steamed, sanitized and ready to go!

Then they go to their temporary home in our garage, which my hard working husband and father in law cleaned out and organized just for this purpose

Of course you know I have a nice, neat Excel spreadsheet for all of this! I am currently contacting organizations and agencies across 3 counties to donate too. Anything from the county DSS to foster homes, homeless shelters, highway patrol, etc. Hopefully I can finalize a few drop offs this week so I have room for the next boxes that are waiting my touch!

If you know anyone (or if you) have stuffed animals you do not need or use anymore, please consider donating to SAFE (the website is on the left side of my page). If you are close to me, I'm happy to pick them up :-) Also, if you know of an organization that could use them, please let me know! I'm hoping to extend my reach with this, but I'm taking it one week at a time!

Quick trip to Goldsboro

2010-01-12T11:00:00.004-05:00

Let's see how crazy we can make things in a 48 hour span shall we?

Sunday morning: church. Great service, great message....God must have known I would need to hear that particular one to prepare me for the next day ahead? Drove back home from church, ate very quickly, and then headed out to Goldsboro for the 2.5-3 hr ride there. Ride was actually pretty good. It's always hard to tell family that we are only going to be there for a very short amount of time. We did not have a lot of time to visit everyone for any extended period....we were on a mission to get this fingerprinting done! There was some irritation around that point, but what can you do. I have given up on trying to please everyone.

Actually, it was nice to have so much going on because it really kept my mind off the day. It was a year since my dad passed away. Exactly a year ago on Sunday, I was spending the night at my mother in laws...laying in that exact same spot...feeling and thinking the exact same things. That I have to admit was a little strange. I miss my dad so much, but I know he is in a better place and not feeling an ounce of pain right now.

On Monday, we left about 8am to head to USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Services), which was another 1.5 hr drive. Our Garmin has been working pretty much when it wants to, so we got really lucky that morning that it decided to turn on and work for a change! Neither Bobby nor myself do well in traffic like that trying to find our way around. We only got stuck in traffic once and made pretty good time getting there. We had to go through security to get to the main waiting room. This was where the fun began.

I can count on one hand how many times I have had to do the security thing. I've flown twice in my entire life. I know, sad right? Anyway, I get nervous! I had to show the guy my additional paperwork because my license had expired and they hadn't come in the mail yet, then I emptied out everything I thought would set the security off. BEEP BEEP. Searching again...BEEP BEEP. By this time I can feel the ever increasing line of people behind me getting irritated and nervous..like I was playing dumb about what I had and was trying to blow up the place or something! Finally Bobby had to take my entire purse back out to the car to stop the holdup in line. The culprit you ask? My dad was a big smoker and I have been carrying around the lighter that was in his pocket when he went into the hospital in my purse since then. I completely forgot about this. I'm sure my dad got a great laugh out of that one!

Anyway, the actual fingerprinting took no time at all...probably moved right along in 5 minutes and were out the door. It's a bittersweet thing. So glad to have it done, but it is the last thing left to do until we get our referral. Now it really is just the waiting. At least we felt like we were accomplishing something by seeing our paperwork pile decrease or marking off our to do list.

We ate lunch and then headed back to Goldsboro and then back home. I was so tired last night and it was such a whirlwind of a trip! Hope everyone is having a good week!

Busy as a bee this week!

2010-01-09T08:33:00.008-05:00

So this week started with my first full week back to work..ugh! I'm sure you guys understand that feeling too. So hard to get back into the groove of things. It also started with some interesting reorganization changes, so I think it will continue to be an interesting month...new boss, new structure. Sometimes change is good right?!

I've been overwhelmed with anticipation and emotion for my friend Meredith as she left Wednesday for Ethiopia. She has told us they have made it safely there, praise God! She gets to meet Aaron today and hopefully through the sketchy Internet access we will get to see pictures too. Please continue to pray for them! She also sent a wonderful snack attack basket to me filled with all kinds of chocolate to let me know she was thinking of me this weekend on the anniversary of my Dad's passing. I cannot even begin to describe what that meant to me...completely out of the blue for that to arrive at the door (I even waited to answer the door because it's usually stuffed animal shipments!). Thank you Meredith! People like you make this world better everyday.

Also a busy week because cookie selling for Girl Scouts starts today (if you live in NC and would like cookies, Kyleigh set her goal for 500 boxes....this girl is CRAZY!) Anyway, we would love to help you with your need for sugar, just let me know :-)

And in big news, Bobby bought a car. He has been back and forth looking at cars for months trying to make a decision. He has worked very very hard this year and it has paid off. For the first time, he could really look at ALL of the cars and decide. I stepped completely out of this process because I wanted it to be his decision. Our lives have changed drastically these last couple of years and Bobby's final decision certainly showed this. Instead of buying a brand new...very expensive...car, he instead decided to do some much needed work to the car he already had. And, yes, he did buy another car. Bobby has always been a car fanatic. He reads car magazines for hours, he can rattle off car parts that sound like a foreign language to me, he can name all of those cars on that crazy auction that always comes on TV (you ladies married to other car guys know the one I'm talking about!). His brother does auto cross and Bobby got to go to a couple last year and even got to drive in one...and he loved it! What more can you like? Cars..family...friends..comradery? Anyway, in a twist of fate the very car he had so much fun auto crossing in last year was up for sale. Bobby ended up with a BMW after all....and for a tenth of the price of the other ones :-) Introducing the "purple turtle" below:

I cannot even describe the love and respect I have for this man. Of all of the different scenarios he could have moved forward with, he did the one that was honoring and respectful to the way we want to lead our lives and raise our kids. What a way to show with actions! Of course this is lost in a sea of happy faces and talks of auto crossing schedules this year, but I am so very proud of him.

And in even happier news, we received our letter from USCIS that we can get our fingerprinting done next week! Yeah! Forgive me for being eager, but you know we have already made plans to go first thing on Monday morning! The office is 4.5 hours from our house, so we are going to go to Goldsboro on Sunday night to stay and leave for Durham that morning. Not sure what is involved in federal fingerprinting, but just one more thing to mark off our list to get us closer to our son!

Wow! It's been a busy week! Hope you all are doing well and that 2010 is being good to you so far!

Lots of driving yesterday!

2010-01-04T11:05:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was an incredibly busy day, but such a joyful day! We got up and went to church, which is about 40 minutes from our house. It's always worth the drive and we always leave with a great message. After church, we ate lunch and then headed home to finalize my next outing to Wilmington that afternoon. For those of you that do not know, my best friend Meredith is leaving for Ethiopia on Wednesday to go get baby Aaron and bring him back to his forever home. Like I have said before, being with someone from the beginning of their adoption process to finally being united with their child is an overwhelming mix of emotions....can you imagine how Shane and Meredith are feeling right now??!!

So, I cooked about 2 or 3 batches of my homemade spaghetti sauce on Saturday and had it all ready to go. We had also gotten a few outfits, a couple of bags of the girl's clothes and some cans of formula to donate to the orphanage. When I got to Meredith's house, there was already so many bags of clothing and formula people had donated. What a blessing to that orphanage! We worked to go through a few of the bags and toys and then planned to head out to Wal-mart to get some containers to put them all in. They will be traveling with these containers full and then leaving them all at the orphanage. I just cannot describe the love felt. People reaching out all over from their church, friends and community to help these kids. It's an unbelievable thing.

Abby (their 2 year old daughter) woke up and was NOT impressed that I was there without my girls! (not that my girls were impressed with the fact I left them home!). She wouldn't even talk to me for a good while...so funny seeing that personality come through! I promised the next time I would bring them, so hopefully we have made up!

After the Wal-mart trip, we went and ate and J. Micheal's Philly Deli, which was one of my most favorite places to eat when I lived there. Oh, it was delicious! And the company made it even better. Just to be able to sit and talk about anything and everything was great I think for the both of us.

They leave out on Wednesday and I'm just asking for any of you that read my blog to please keep them in your prayers for safe travels. If you would like to follow their journey, their blog is on my blog roll (From Ethiopia to Wilmington, NC).

Merry Christmas

2009-12-31T12:42:00.003-05:00

Wanted to share this with all of my adopting friends out there. This song was written by the drummer of Third Day a couple of years ago. They adopted a little girl from China. Please listen to the words as I know they will touch your hearts like they have mine. Hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy8RW6aHXWQ

2010 here we come!!!

2009-12-31T09:36:00.004-05:00

And I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions (usually because sadly I break them within the first month!), but this year I'm posting changes, hopes and dreams I hope to come true for myself and our family this year. Maybe if I put it on paper, I will be more likely to stick with them! So in completely random order.....

~ Volunteering/Supporting other people/families more.
We do participate in Relay for Life, Habitat for Humanity, support our local and national food bank and well as a local Christian radio station, however I feel like there is so much more we can do. I want to get more hands on and really open my girls eyes to how blessed they are. I want to help more in our church, community, state, country and world. I really pray we get even more opportunity this year to help in ways we could never imagine.

~ Stop worrying about the adoption.
I totally believe God's hand is in our adoption every step of the way. He has a plan, He knows exactly what is going to happen, He is watching over all of this. While we followed where God is leading us, I also need to let my emotions follow as well.

~ Be concerned with the NOW only
No more battling the past, no more worrying about the future. I want to enjoy everyday for the gift it is. I feel like I miss out on so much because my mind is not where it should be.

~ Work with the girls more on bickering and tattletelling
I'm sure all of you that already have children may be snickering at this one...I can dream can't I? :-)

~ Get in a comfortable place in my career
Not sure yet what this means.

~ Get our referral (and even better have our son home!)
Wouldn't that be awesome?!

~ Get Reece ready for Kindergarten by working on her reading.
Great on her letters and picking up her sounds nicely...now getting her to sit still to work on it longer than 5 minutes is another issue....

~ Have at least one romantic getaway with my husband
I don't care if it's down the road or far away, just one weekend...please!

I feel like this is quite a to do list, but doable at the same time (except for the referral--kind of out of my hands!)

Any big ones for you on this New Year's Eve?

Son

2009-12-29T21:06:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I do really well trying not to think about the adoption when I am so busy on a day to day basis (a slight white lie here, but I'm trying!)...but these last fews weeks it's been harder and harder.

On Christmas, I was thinking about him...wondering what his birth mom was doing, if they were safe, warm, cared for. Yes, I know this is absolutley crazy to let your mind wonder about someone you have never even met and don't even know when you are going to meet, but I cannot help it. I'm guessing according to the timeline right now that his birth mom is pregnant with him. I cannot imagine the weight of the decisions she is making right now. She could have easily aborted him, but she didn't...and I know we both want to give him everything life can offer. The opportunity to grow strong and be loved and learn and become his own person.

I think about my very dear friend Meredith who is leaving next week for Ethopia to meet her son...all of the emotions, wonder, fear and love she must be feeling at the same time. To be with someone from beginning to end of an adoption journey has been absolutely amazing and inspiring...I cannot wait to get my hands on him and kiss him myself!

And it's not just me. Many many times out of the blue Kyleigh and Reece will talk about him. If we go out to eat somewhere, they will point out we will be a party of 5 when baby brother gets here...how much longer mommy...I want to save these stuffed animals for him...how big will he be...soon you will have 3 to clean up for mommy! (that one has been my recent favorite comment!).

For now, we sit and we all absolutely love and adore this precious child whom we have never met...who is on the other side of the world right now...who may be facing struggles and heartache we will never understand...and we wait....for our son to come home.

I've been trying to post.....

2009-12-25T18:04:00.008-05:00

but we have been incredibly busy this past month! December is typically the busiest month for my job and this one proved no different. I cannot remember a crazier time than I've ever had this past month! So glad I decided to take a week off at Christmas because I sure needed it!

This past week off has been like no other. We went to our hometown last Thursday and stayed through Sunday. Luckily our parents live only 5 minutes from each other, so it makes those home visits very easy. The girls had a blast seeing their family and it warms my heart how excited they get over their grandparents. We are still working on the gratitude part of Christmas, much better than last year, but still slow strides as far as I'm concerned. I'm having a hard time finding the middle ground between them being young and enjoying the magic of Christmas, but also understanding that presents cost money and the time, thought and sacrifice behind them. It's a work in progress I guess!

It was just the girls and I for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I spent most of these days enjoying them, cleaning up, laundry and breaking up those squabbles that happen when you have spent WAY too much time with your sister a week straight! But, I have to say how wonderful it was to sit down every night and just relax. I honestly cannot remember the last time I really did that....not thinking about what was due the next day or how in the world I was going to get everything done. I just enjoyed my family one day at a time.

Bobby was off on Christmas eve and we decided to do a big family day of fun. We went to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks (which was something. I haven't taken them to a movie together in over a year) and then we played putt putt. It got a little cold there at the end, but it was so much fun! I usually am horrible at putt putt, but ended up with 3 holes in one and each of the girls got one too (sorry daddy!). We got some ice cream and then headed off to the Christmas eve service at our church, which was absolutely great. We got home and left our food for santa and his reindeer and actually all went to bed without any problems! (last year Reece hid under the table in the living room...blankets and all!).

This morning was a flurry of wrapping paper and excited smiles. We didn't go crazy like we did in years past, lots of smaller things. Their big present was a radio/karoye machine...which much to our ears dismay has already had much play today :-)

Pugsley thought Christmas started much too early in the morning

Excited Reece

The vet Barbie Kyleigh wanted

Daddy showing Reece how to crush cars with her new monster truck!

I told myself all day to focus on the happiness of the day. It's so hard not to look back at last Christmas....and there are a lot of sad memories. This time last year I was putting out a missing persons warrant for my dad because no one could find him. Tomorrow he would go into the hospital and never come back out except to be moved to hospice only a week later because the cancer would spread so quickly. Today would begin 3 weeks of heartache and even harder decisions.

But, with all of that, I also have to focus on what was going on behind all of that. It's no secret my dad and I had a jaded past and had just reunited our relationships a few years past. So many feelings had resulted from our recent move and I was clinging to anything I could to make it through. Just two weeks before Christmas I wrote letters to my parents...my dad, my mom and my step dad. Very personal letters, letters of open forgiveness and sharing feelings I never had before. I was moved to do it. I let it all go. When everything started happening with my dad, I almost ripped them all up, thinking the time wasn't right. But it was. God starting moving in my life in a most awesome way last December (he's always being moving in my life, I had just been too blind to see it!) I gave my parents those letters and spent my last night with my dad....reading his letter to him, his eyes closed shut and tears coming out. I kissed him and told him how much I loved him, how much I would miss him, how thankful I was that God had brought us back together after all of those years. He wasn't able to talk or even open his eyes at that point, but I know he heard me. He squeezed my hand and I sat there with him and just cried.

After all of the presents were open this morning, we started calling everyone so the girls could tell them what they got for Christmas. I cannot lie I had to choke back a tear going past my dad's name in my phone (I just don't have the heart to delete it..as silly as that sounds). But, this Christmas, I don't have to worry and wonder where he is. He is in the safest place any of us could ever imagine, right in God's arms.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas and remember the most precious gift we have all received this very night....Jesus was born to save us. All we have to do is receive His gift. Won't you receive it tonight if you haven't before?

Sickness

2009-12-01T11:02:00.006-05:00

Not sure what kind of funk is going around here, but it has hit our house. Last night, my lower back felt like I had been beaten with several baseball bats, I didn't even want a massage :-( After Alieve, hot shower, and snuggling in bed, I finally got comfortable enough to fall asleep. I'm so happy to be feeling a little better today. Poor Reece has had the runny nose for days now with no end in sight (and the red-raw nose and snot covered shirt sleeves that go along with it...how to you break them from using their sleeves instead of tissues that are right there anyway!!!!). Oh how I love winter! Hope you all are doing alright and missing out on this stuff!

And then I discovered what was REALLY wrong with the printer

2009-11-30T18:15:00.005-05:00

So, come along a ride with me won't you? Crazy day back to work, workload tripled in a matter of 3 hours and now I had to do some sort of update to my computer and I am completely computer illiterate (those computers for dummies books were written for me!).

I'm trying to print out the IT translation of what I am supposed to do and my printer will not work. Again I try...again...again. Just that same annoying beep. Needs paper. I see paper there. Why won't it just take a piece and print?

Here's why.....

Need a closer look?

Yes folks, that would be my Reece's matchbox cars. Evidently my printer made the perfect garage :-)

Thanksgiving for all of the right reasons

2009-11-27T11:30:00.004-05:00

You know, I'm as guilty as anyone in getting sucked up into the world's notion of what holidays should look like. Tree up by Thanksgiving, perfect looking food on our beautifully decorated table, everyone going around and giving thanks like we are reading out of individual Hallmark cards, sitting around watching football and getting ready for the next day's sales.

While our Thanksgiving was not straight out of the latest holiday movie, it was perfect. We had 11 people all together for Thanksgiving yesterday. While I could have gotten stressed out about the sheer number to feed or about the fact that there was one less since my dad was not here with us this year (Thanksgiving last year was the last time he would be able to visit us, the last time I would ever stand and hug him), I didn't. I was so grateful to have everyone come together from both families (Bobby's mom - "Grandma" and dad - "Big Papa", my mom - "Nannie" and step dad - "Papa", Bobby's brother - "Uncle John" and my two nephews came - "Bryson and Bryon").

I don't know how, but we got it all cooked and on the table only 30 minutes past when I hoped we would. The kids were a little crazy, but just excited to see each other I guess. Lots of running and screaming going on for sure! Bobby, his dad and brother were outside working on his car. A dad and his sons working together. Something to be said about those simple things no matter how frustrating the car was! It made me smile thinking about Bobby saying earlier that week that he wanted to put a car together with our son. I hope by next Thanksgiving we at least have our referral!!

The dinner went great, and while we didn't go around and verbalize everything we were grateful for, we didn't need to. If you looked around, you saw it. There was Kyleigh giving my mom (Nannie) a hand made birthday card and giving her a hug, my step dad (Papa) walking with all of the kids so they could get out and ride bikes and scooters around the neighborhood, Bobby's mom (Grandma) helping the girls with crafts or playing games with the boys, John under Bobby's car helping him, Big Papa getting attacked by my girls even though he had a hurt knee and the kids just so excited to see each other. Those little things are what mean so much. And this Thanksgiving I'm so thankful for each of them.

Uncertainty

2009-11-23T09:22:00.004-05:00

Everyone who reads this blog should know by now I don't do well with uncertainty. I think it's a hard concept for any of us to grab onto...not sure what is going to happen from one day to the next, especially if you have your heart set on one big event or happening. It's something I've been trying to get better at.

I have a lot of friends right now going through some uncertain times. Some are having biological babies, some are adopting babies, some are needing financial questions answered, some are questioning careers, some are trying to sell their homes and some are just trying to start a new life and not knowing where to begin. The uncertainty of each of their situations is hard.

I just wanted to share a few words of encouragement for you today. This blog post is not about me or my family or my uncertainties, but providing hope and encouragement for yours. I pray you will comforted and the answers will come in perfect timing for each of you. My love and prayers with you always.

Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid." - Hebrews 13:5,6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. - Proverbs 3:5,6

Anything God asks us to do he supplies us with the energy and grace to do.

My job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Running out of room!

2009-11-16T13:09:00.006-05:00

I am defeated. My house has won. We haven't even been in it two years and the "stuff" has won out. I don't even want to open my closet at this point or walk into the garage. I like organization projects, but I just haven't had the time to take these on. Between the ever going adoption talk between Bobby and I and the new SAFE project I am now heading up (see link on the left side of my blog now for more information)...we are going to run out of room even quicker. We have a play room upstairs, which will become Kyleigh's room once the baby is here, and while we are A LONG WAY AWAY from that reality, I still find myself wondering what in the world I'm going to do with all of the stuff up there? And the garage. We cleaned out half of it after my dad passed to give his mustang a good home, but prompted shoved everything else to the other side....in all intentions of going through it soon too. That was January.

I am SO thankful to already be getting such a great response to the SAFE website and will have donations coming in from all over the state soon. I am still working with donation sites in Horry County, SC and hope to move calls to Brunswick county sometime this week. That said, we will need to store numerous amounts of stuffed animals. I need time to sort through them...to clean them before I can donate them. While my loving husband is supportive and loving about my new endeavor the question came "And where are we going to keep all of these in the process?"

So time to wipe some sweat off our brows to get it done. He's called his dad, who will be coming down this Wednesday to help get the garage cleaned out. Then we will be buying shelving for the garage and hopefully have it organized by next week. A tall order! Of course that leaves our closet and the play room, which I'm hoping I can put off for a little bit longer! Sounds like a good Christmas break project I can do!

Blog Award

2009-11-13T15:49:00.007-05:00

So my blogger friend at http://aheritagefromthelord.blogspot.com/ has given me a blog award describing my site as "honest". Thanks Jenny! I really enjoy reading your blog and wish you guys the best of luck!

So now I get to pass the love to someone else..
Here's the rules:

Thank the person who nominated you.
Copy and paste the logo on your blog.
Link the person who nominated you.
Nominate no more than 17 people (why 17?) who you love or think could use some love.
Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.
You cannot nominate someone who's already been nominated - the love has to spread to all.
Post links to the blogs you've nominated.
Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/ :Inspiring
http://ethiopiatowilmington.blogspot.com/ :Positive
http://inhishands-ouradoptionjourney.blogspot.com/ :Adorable
http://huntforrachel.blogspot.com/ :Sweet
http://lifeglimpsedthedenglers.blogspot.com/ :Strong
http://babystjohn.blogspot.com/ :Honest
http://createdtocare.blogspot.com/ :Heart-changing
http://thebosofamily.blogspot.com/ :Anticipation!

That's it! For those of you that read my blog, feel free to check these out!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Blessings

2009-11-13T09:56:00.007-05:00

As Thanksgiving is approaching, I am just overwhelmed by all my blessings. I just took a moment to really think about it. So many times I spend wishing and praying for things to happen, but what if we spent time thinking about what our lives would be like without everything we have?

Kyleigh Bear

I am so blessed to have Kyleigh. Although we were only 4 months into our marriage, Bobby and I were so excited to be pregnant! That was probably the craziest year I remember....getting married, pregnant for the first time, graduating college, working full time, buying a house, getting in debt! All at 22! And it was the best year. Kyleigh brought my dad back into my life. She made me remember what it was like to hope, be thankful. She continues to bless us everyday with her sweet tender heart. Stubborn, talkative, tender, sweet, competitive, not tough at all. Oh, how thankful we are for her!

Reece a roni

I am so blessed to have Reece. You are never sure how pregnancy is going to go and with this little girl, we were kept guessing until the very end. I was diagnosed with a heart condition during my 5th month and my doctors had not seen this with pregnancy before and did not know how to treat it. I took medication that was not approved for pregnancy because I had no choice. I was told to take it or have a heart attack and both of us could die. I spent the last 4 months of my pregnant hoping, praying that we would be ok. I have never been more scared in my entire life. I was put into the hospital about a month before her due date and she graced us with her presence a week later...and everyone else in the surgical ICU! It was so peaceful. Even with all of the drama going on, she didn't cry...we just gazed into each other's eyes...meeting for the first time. What a blessing that Reece was completely fine and I ended up being fine as well! She is tough, a tomboy, gives the best hugs, loves everyone, so sweet and caring, very outgoing. We are so thankful for her!

Bobby

Every single moment we have had together in these last 11+ years has been filled with love. Even the stressful, crazy ones. I knew in the very beginning I wanted to be with Bobby for the rest of my life...and I still feel that way today, even stronger. He is a wonderful husband, always there for me, always understanding and loves me so much. He is a wonderful dad, he would do anything in the world for our girls and they completely adore him. He amazes me everyday. He is kind, thoughtful, caring, giving and my best friend. I'm so thankful for him!!!

And all of our friends and family. I wouldn't be me without you guys. So many times you have leant your support and kind words. You have been there. Your support these last few years has made a world of difference in my life. Thank you so much to each and every one of you!!

Old Christmas gone....welcome new Christmas!

2009-11-11T09:32:00.005-05:00

So, Bobby and I have been thinking a lot about Christmas this year...and decided definite changes need to be made. Normally, we would be caught up in the whirl wind of Christmas lists, last minute shopping, making sure we have an even amount of gifts for the girls and I would even sell back my personal time to try and finance it all.

What exactly are we doing? We are stressing over making sure our girls have what they want because they've "earned" it by being good all year? I am selling back personal time for $$ instead of taking that precious time with my family? We are stressing over the "perfect gift" for everyone?

This year, it just doesn't seem right. I always take such pleasure every year in seeing my kids faces when they open those gifts that they wanted. They are so excited and happy! And where is that wonderful gift in a week? In a pile with the others or taken away because of the fighting over it. What are we teaching our girls? Happiness comes from possessions...all you have to do is make a list and you get what you want...a man "magically" brings gifts every year...mommy thinks it's more important to have money then time off..and you can probably complete the list.

We have already started a couple of months ago looking into volunteer opportunities as a family. It's hard to find something all of us can do together because of the girl's ages, but we have managed to find a few and are still setting some up. I want to set the foundation for my girls to understand....REALLY understand how blessed we are. I've found it's not enough to tell them at their age, they need to SEE it.

Although we are not able to help build, we have started cooking and providing lunches to our local Habitat for Humanity two Saturdays out of the month. This was a great opportunity for the girls to help and actually meet the people that do this. They even gave them a tour of the house, which they thought was so much fun! Not sure how much Reece understood, but from conversations with Kyleigh, she got it. To stand on that porch and physically have a life lesson to show them, and continue to show them, is priceless.

We are also participating in Samaritan's purse. Each of them picked out gifts for a girl their age to put in their shoebox and send off. I posted some pictures of this and the website at the bottom of this post if you would like to help too. I wanted them to understand not only can we help people that are right here in our community, but all over the world.

And I am most excited about the chapter I just started for SAFE. SAFE stands for Stuffed Animals For Emergencies. I will be the representative for North Carolina (and parts of South Carolina since I'm so close) for this organization. We will be holding stuffed animal drives to donate to local police, fire, homeless shelters, children's homes and children's services programs. These stuffed animals will be cleaned, sanitized and given to these groups to give to children to help ease their fears during a traumatic time. I am currently working with Horry county, SC to compile my list of donation sites and will be moving onto Brunswick and New Hanover hopefully next week. Then setting up a drive hopefully the beginning of December.

This is so personal and very close to my heart. For years I have been wanting to give back and help and just not sure how. When I was 8, I was involved in a traumatic abusive situation and was given a bear, which I still have. I have never forgotten that police officer or his kindness and what that bear meant to me at that moment. To be able to give a child that comfort is unspeakable to me. I will post more information on drives I will be doing, so if you are reading this and live in my area, please let me know if you would like to donate any stuffed animals!

My bear "MD"

So basically, this Christmas will not be filled with presents overflowing from the tree (although yes we will still do presents). It will not be filled with Christmas lists or a stressed mama and daddy. It will be filled with understanding of what Christmas is really about. It will be about giving back and realizing how incredibly blessed we are!

Reece's box

Kyleigh's box

http://www.samaritan.org/

And I wait....

2009-11-09T10:37:00.006-05:00

For those of you that really know me, you know that I'm always the best at waiting....who are we kidding, I really suck at it! I'm not sure if it's just my nature, if I'm accustomed to this fast paced world, or if I'm just spoiled. Probably a combo of all of that. It's so hard to wait. You feel like you should be doing SOMETHING...ANYTHING. I mean, what are you doing when you wait? Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Human is all I am. I wish that I could some how transform myself into this patient person that wants for nothing, but I've tried and miserably failed. Anyone else have a "get better at waiting" New Year's Resolution?

I found myself this weekend wondering why I am like this and I discovered that while I'm not physically doing anything while I wait, God is. He sees the big picture. It's easy to get caught up in the circumstances of what is in front of you...why do adoptions take so long? How much more of this job can I take? When are changes going to finally happen? When will I know the right thing to do? (Insert your own question you are wondering right now). While I am pondering these questions (and so much more), God hears, He knows, He is working...but in HIS time and in HIS way.

Sometimes when I am in these "funks", I remember what my life might be like if I got everything I THOUGHT was right for me back through the years. Everything in my life would be fundamentally different....and I would be heart broken. I love my husband with everything I have, my kids are my entire world, I have a good job and I am so blessed. So blessed. I have wonderful friends and family and great support. Seriously, I really stink at putting this whole life thing together because I cannot imagine a better one....and it wouldn't be this way if I would have had control so many times.

I don't expect waiting to get any easier and I probably will not ever get much better at it, but at least I understand the purpose behind it. I am being molded and so much is going on behind the scenes...and I probably wouldn't believe it now even if God himself told me today it was going to happen.

Isn't that a wonderful feeling? To know that even though you may feel like you are in the dark or unsure, you never are.

At this point, I am choosing to change my outlook on waiting. I want to look with anticipation and hope instead of fear and instability. To know that everything that is in store for me and my family is being worked out right now as I write this. All I have to do is have faith and wait for it.

Cute story to share thanks to Reece

2009-11-04T11:46:00.005-05:00

So, I thought this was too cute and funny not to share. We were at Walmart on Sunday letting Kyleigh cash in her gift cards she got for her birthday. It broke my heart because Reece wanted something too and was having to watch Kyleigh put things in the cart, so I broke down and let her pick out one thing. What was her choice? Rock star barbie.

Reece has loved music ever since I can remember. She sings in the car, everyday. She makes up her own songs...and chorography. And she likes it all...country, christian, classic rock and of course radio Disney. She has a guitar, drum set, microphone, etc.

So we were stuck in the check out line waiting for a price check on an item when the check out lady was handing Reece her rock star barbie and telling her what a pretty barbie she was. Cue Reece's conversation below:

Reece: Yeah, and I'm a rock star too. I have my own band.

CO lady: Oh yeah? (At this point I fill her in on Reece's "band" which consists of friends from school)

Reece: Yup, Shane plays guitar, Brooklyn plays the drums and flute (yes, they have a flute in their band) and I play microphone.

CO lady: Wow! That's a pretty big band!

Reece: Yeah, and we are thinking of letting Travare in...cause he's our friend.

After the CO lady and people behind us stopped laughing at Reece's seriousness in the conversation, we moved on out. Who knows, she may be the next rock star out there :-) Dream big Reece a roni.

Happy Birthday Kyleigh!

2009-10-27T16:18:00.010-04:00

This past Saturday we planned to have Kyleigh's 7th birthday party at the park. We were getting very nervous because they were calling for rain all week, but it ended up being an absolutely beautiful day!

You would not believe how excited Kyleigh was. Not only was her party this weekend, but her cousin Bryon also stayed the weekend with us. This kid was in heaven!

We are so greatful for all of her friends and family that came. Here are some picture highlights from her pumpkin decorating party at the park!

Tree of Life

2009-10-27T12:43:00.005-04:00

30...that's right, I'm 30 today. I've been thinking a lot about what that means. My 20's were such a wonderful experience....I got married, graduated college, had kids, grew in a career, and lived a pretty sweet life. The "American Dream" in fact. Job, husband, kids, cars, house, bills, etc. I started thinking about what my 30's might look like.

I thought Kyleigh was strange at best for wanting to be a tree for Halloween this year, but she may be onto something. I'm thinking I want to be a tree too, but everyday, not just on Halloween. Here's why....

Trees have roots
They have a support system that keeps them standing strong throughout any storm life may bring. They get their nutrients to grow from their roots. My roots are in God and I hope to continue to spread them even further in my 30's. This past Sunday, I was baptized and I cannot even put into words what that means to me.

Last in line

Trees continue to grow

Trees don't reach a certain age and just stop for the most part, they continue to grow. They expand, reach out. I would like to grow even more these next few years...grow more as a parent, as a follower of Christ, as a wife, as a friend...and understand what all of these mean.

Trees have simple needs

Sunlight, water, love. Seems pretty basic right? Trees don't need to have fancy colors on their leaves all year or even be covered in leaves all of the time. They don't need bright decorations or to be in the best location to grow and flourish. I need to take a step back at my needs for life and re-evaluate what is a need or a wordly want.

Trees reach out

They reach up and out. Exactly what my arms should be doing. Reaching up in thanksgiving and prayer and reaching out to others.

Trees do not worry

Trees don't worry when the next rain is going to fall to provide for them. They stand in faith and just know it will. They don't pull out their calculators and factor things out. This is a big one for me. I need to walk by faith and not sight.

Trees offer protection and shelter

I want to continue to provide for my family, in whatever form that takes. To protect them, teach them, be there for them.

I never believed when I sat down and started thinking about how to make a tree costume it would be the light bulb moment I needed. I know it may seem kind of corny and symbolic, but maybe it's symbolic to follow a dream for my life that just isn't relevant anymore.

Here's to my 30's. Looks like you have a lot to live up too!

Only one person can fill my shoes...

2009-10-22T13:45:00.005-04:00

So, I've come to the realization that I cannot do everything. Shock! I am completely overwhelmed and in over my head right now. Yes, it's probably the busiest time of the year for us...yes I have a problem saying no...yes I always take on more than I can chew.

Why do I think I am the only one that can do something? So this week, I have been working early/thru lunch/late everyday. I've also been trying to keep up with all of the house work because I know this weekend is going to be crazy and I don't like to spend my weekends cleaning...that's my time with my girls because lately it seems like all I do it work! Fall festival for girl scouts is tonight (yes, I signed up to run a booth and I am now just painting signs in between answering emails)-no clue yet how I am going to fit in getting off work in time, dinner and getting Kyleigh to scouts by 6. This has been a miserable fail the past 3 weeks!

Oh, and Kyleigh's birthday is this Saturday. I have to buy paper products and bake a cake...actually, 2 cakes and about 24 cupcakes and I haven't bought the stuff yet. And I need to get stuff together for the pumpkin decorating. And I want my weekend free because we have one of my nephews staying with us all weekend. And I have 3 high priority projects that have to be done in the next week at work.

Stressed yet? I am!

So, my wonderful husband seeing my stress level on his lunch break today offers to pick up the groceries I need for the cake tonight. All I have to do is leave him a list. Is he capable? Yes. Does he mind? No.

So here I am blogging about my inability to let things go instead of writing his shopping list. AH! Something has got to give. I need to give up my superwoman cape or my job or just the simple thought that I can be everything to everyone and give 110% to every little thing in my life.

Anyone else in my sinking boat???

Oh how I miss you Wilmington

2009-10-19T16:33:00.005-04:00

So, I headed down to Wilmington Saturday afternoon for a wedding. OH how I missed you Wilmington! I even rolled down my windows going over the "big bridge" to take you in....the smell, the memories.

The wedding was well, beautiful. Aside from my own of course, it was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to, although not for reasons you would normally think. Although it was decorated very pretty, that wasn't it. You could feel the love there, it radiated from every person. It was the kind to make you laugh and cry at the same time. New, fresh, sincere. I was truly honored to be a guest there. I have been missing my Wilmington friends for a long time and this was the outting I had been praying for. I saw a couple of friends I hadn't seen for months...which is especially significant because they are pregnant and I've missed in sharing that with them. They looked so good and their babies are growing wonderfully and everyone is healthy, which is something to celebrate in itself. Of course we always say we are going to get together more often, but it's so crazy with everyone's schedules. I treasure the times I get to spend with any/all of my Wilmington friends.

I have to admit I was sad driving home that Saturday night, but I know we were moved for a reason and that is what I am concentrating on now. I'm still searching for that light at the end of the tunnel that will light the trail I'm supposed to be following. I'm sure it's a flashlight banging me in the head right now, but somehow I'm missing it. Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm waiting for courage. Maybe I'm ignoring it because I'm scared. Oh how I'm praying for strength and courage right now!

Weather Forecasts

2009-10-15T08:42:00.006-04:00

Yesterday...61 degrees...chilly...wet...rainy...gloomy.

Forecast for January 13, 2009....41 degrees...cold...wet....rainy...gloomy

Take me back 10 months to sitting outside in the cold, wet, rainy, gloomy weather. Numb from the cold, numb from watching them pray over my Dad's casket. I'm masking it pretty well at this point. I've had my own private breakdown. I've got on my "it's all going to be ok" face. I'm the strong one right? While everyone else is crying or scemeing, I've got to be the one keeping it together.

Well, I'm still trying to tape my broken heart together. My heart hurt so badly yesterday. I'm sure we have had rainy cold days since January, but for some reason yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks. I miss my dad so much. There is so much going on in my life right now...so much to decide and talk about. I would love to be able to call him and see what he thinks. He was great about giving a no nonsense answer...whether it was what you wanted to hear or not. Everything seems to be in rollercoaster mode right now. Life is moving so fast. I just wanted to stop yesterday and remember him.

What a beautiful ending...

2009-10-13T16:53:00.004-04:00

So, a very close friend of mine sent this link to me this afternoon (thanks for the tears Meredith!)

I wanted to share this. Everyone we have shared our adoption with always asks "why?". Why Korea, why now, why for your family, why not chance another pregnancy? I can only say that with our life changes that happened last September until now, we had a new awakening. Once the thought of adoption started in my mind, no matter what I did I wouldn't go away. We had completed our family..I mean "really completed" our family...but somehow we were not....someone was missing. I truly think my medical issues occurred with my last pregnancy because we were meant to adopt and we are so blessed to one day welcome our child home!

Watch this video and listen with open heart. Maybe it's speaking to you too?

I love weekends like this...

2009-10-13T11:12:00.010-04:00

So, it's been a pretty stressful few months at work. I needed desperately to re-charge this weekend...to figure out what exactly it is I'm doing and supposed to be doing.

On Saturday, the girls had a play date with a new friend we made at girl scouts. They had a ball, especially Reece since this little girl had a little brother equal to the energy she has! And the best part? I made a friend too! It was nice to just sit down for a few hours and talk to someone face to face.

Well, when we got back home I guess Bobby was in the playing mode too and instigated a favorite game in our house...hide and go seek. You just have to love this guy. He is right there in the thick of it....putting aside any stressful day at work, putting aside anything on his mind and is right there playing with them. And having just as much fun I might add! Here are some pictures of the fun...

Is he in my room?

All laughs when Daddy pops out of the laundry room!

Reece deciding if she should get on the bed and help bring Daddy down...

And who was the winner you ask?

I'm so blessed I have a great husband and I look up to him so much!

Quiet Celebration

2009-10-01T14:31:00.004-04:00

Last year, we removed ourselves from the stress of our everyday lives and celebrated our wedding anniversary at a log cabin in the mountains. This year..well, there is just too much going on to take a trip right now. These last few weeks seem like there is just not enough hours in the day!

That being said, I do feel bad because I think everyone no matter how busy should take the time to spend time with and enjoy their loved ones. I'm hoping we will be able to get away soon, even if it's just for the weekend together.

On a personal note, I am astounded at how fast these last 8 years have flown by and how our lives have come together around it. We have had babies, started an adoption process, changed jobs, moved, beat cancer, faced death, worried about money and everything else under the sun...and most importantly we have made it through all of it stronger and closer to each other than ever before.

I started dating Bobby right after my high school graduation. People do a tremendous amount of changing between 18 and (almost) 30. I am incredibly thankful to have found my soul mate and to be living in happiness despite what the outside world may bring upon us.

Happy aniversary baby! Here is to many more!