Reece made me think about a bigger bed

So I've had sleep a lot on my mind in anticipation of Asher coming. I'm mentally trying to prepare myself for the nights without sleep again...and my husband, who doesn't seem to be worried about it so much. Maybe because you could put a blow horn to his head at night and he won't move. Let's see how a screaming 1 year old works :-)

Kyleigh has always been pretty good about sleep. She slept through the night pretty early as a baby and we never really had any issues until she was 3. She had a bad dream one night and we let her in our bed...which turned into two nights, 3....you get the drift. It took months to get her to sleep back in her own bed alone. She would go to bed and then sneak in our bed in the middle of the night. I am a very light sleeper, so I would usually wake up, but she got very sneaky and more times than not I would wake with her in my back. Luckily now she is awesome about bedtime and goes right to bed promptly at 8:30.

Reece on the other hand has never been a sleeper. Like ever. She gave up naps at 2. Yeah. All those moms that would talk about the stuff they would get done during 3 hour nap times I never had that wonderful notion. She still doesn't sleep. She fights bedtime every night still. We *start* at 8/8:30. Starting earlier doesn't work any better I will add first. We tried earlier and it just means fighting for longer periods of time. It's usually a 40 minute ordeal before she finally gives up and stays in her room. We hear every excuse...I'm hot, I'm thirsty, I'm not tired, I cannot hear my radio, etc. etc. etc. And she's up in the middle of the night too. Yup, sneaks in our bedroom just like Kyleigh did. On average 3 nights out of the week I wake up next to her. She is vocal about not liking sleep. She asked me this weekend if God had to go to sleep and I told her God wasn't like us and really didn't have a bedtime. "well, when I grow up I want to be God then so I don't have to sleep". Yes folks, this is our Reece a roni :-)

So, I know Asher's sleep transition is going to take some time. I'm trying to decide how to tackle things to have a game plan, but I also know it depends greatly on Asher's grieving and also what he is used to. I'm sure we will co-sleep for a while...but I bought a crib with purpose, so I'm hoping in a few months we will be able to transition him over. I think everyone does better when they get a good night's sleep in their *own* bed!!

Any sleep advice or tips to share?

Fun at Marbles Museum!!

You know, we've been here for 6 months and we hadn't checked out the children's museum, so we decided last weekend as a girl's day out we were going to go! We were there for 6 hours and they had a blast! I'm seriously thinking of getting a family membership, especially to have somewhere to go this summer and with Asher as well to play indoors on rainy days. Here are some pictures from all of our fun :-)

Kyleigh wouldn't come out to perform on stage, but you know Reece will put on a show!

Here I am behind the camera holding my heart watching them set up water play with a sweet

Korean cutie

Reece delivering the pizza she made :-)

Got to love that smile!

Reece working hard cutting her wood

Showing off the mannequins they turned into models

This is what I am supposed to be doing

Oooo...touchy subject today.

So, if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I just left my job this past April. I was not one of those moms that always knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I thought to be a stay at home mom you had to have the following traits...

*Patience never ending
*A craft closet constantly full
*Home baked cookies ALWAYS made and ready
*The cleanest house, ever, no matter what
*The knowledge to handle any kid situation

Phew. That seemed like quite a tall order and I don't know about you, but as hard as I might try I fail miserably at trying to be super woman. So anyway, I worked. I enjoyed working and our kids were in a great daycare. Then we moved. Had to change departments to keep my job and let's just say our daycare was not anything to be excited about. The longer and longer my hours got, the more and more time I missed from my family, the more I started to feel like this just wasn't me. I wasn't happy at all. I felt like I was failing at my job because I couldn't work 20 hours a day and failing as a mom because I couldn't be with them 24 hours a day. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I just started thinking more and more about being a stay at home mom (SAHM). I reached out to a few I knew and asked them tons of questions. These were women I had know for years...how the heck did they do it? Did they have perfectly decorated and cleaned houses, picture perfect kids, dinner on the table by 6 every night with a smile on their faces?

Uh, not exactly. I learned that being a SAHM is not at all what I thought I was like. I thought I had long hours with my job! I thought on it some more and finally brought it up to my husband. Much to his (and mine) delight, he was completely on board! We would make the change once our little man came home. As you can guess, we jumped the gun.

Months before we had a referral, we changed our plan and I put in my notice. I was scared to death. How would this work out financially? How will our kids react? What will I do all day (yes, I really thought this for awhile)? Will I miss the challenge of my job? Will I miss seeing grown folks?

Well, I'm not going to lie and say the first couple of months were gravy. They were hard. We learned a lot about some things that we just failed at as parents and certainly had "parenting bootcamp" with mommy home 24-7. I won't go into details, but I wore out every parenting book I owed and even bought more. Every week seemed to get better....we were finally settling in.

Looking back over the last few months, I can honestly say I feel for the first time in my life I'm doing what I should be doing. I went from a career obsessed mom to family centered mom. Our faith and our family have never been stronger. Of course there are still tough days and certainly will be to come, but it's so nice to finally find where I belong.

Being on both sides (working and staying at home), I have to say that being a mom in general is one of the most hard and rewarding things you can do. I always hate to read about folks that hear that one side is "better" than the other or get questioned for their choices. No matter where you are in life, I say that if you are loving your children with all you have and providing for them a loving home and support, you are being a great parent!!!

I can't be the only one without a Halloween post

Ok, everyone else has the cutest pictures of their kids posted everywhere with the last week's crazy events, so I thought I would share some of ours!

Halloween was a little different this year in the big city. First of all, I was actually able to help out with Halloween events in the classroom, which was so cool! We did an apple theme and had 5 different stations for the kids to explore.

Kyleigh also got an award for RESPECT. Yup, respect. Seems we are not doing such a bad job after all! Now anytime she talks back to me and I want to pull my hair out, I've strategically posted it on our fridge to remind myself that she is getting it, just having a rough day :-)

Here she is after getting her award:

All week we had been working on the "Parade of Pumpkins". Each class designs a pumpkin for the contest. In Reece's class, we went with "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom". For those of you that have read the book (numerous times!) you will really appreciate it! We had some other great parent volunteers that really pulled it all together, and were much more creative than I was!

Bobby and another parent volunteer are using power tools to suspend the "coconut pumpkins" from the tree.

Check out the finished product!

Here is Kyleigh's class...the burger is actually a pumpkin!

We were not sure about trick or treating in our new neighborhood because we haven't seen a lot of kids, but we decided to give it a shot anyway! Here is Kyleigh. You would think having a birthday on Halloween would make you want to dress up and have a ball with it, but she's really funny about costumes, so we don't force her. Her shirt is the extent of what she will wear!

And Reece as the leopard. For every bit Kyleigh doesn't like to dress up, Reece LOVES it!

My girls

There were not a lot of houses giving away candy, but we did discover two other adoptive families in our neighborhood! One was gone to pick up their son in fact! So, mom and dad made some new friends and the girls got way more candy than they really needed from the houses that were giving it away. Halloween success!

Kyleigh's Birthday

I cannot believe tomorrow is Kyleigh's 8th birthday. These 8 years have flown by so quickly, I just could have never imagined how fast.

Kyleigh is a very type A, organized child that is only interested in the facts please. She has been very stubborn and headstrong from day one. I know everyone says that about their kid at some point or another, but really, she has. I appreciate this about her though. She has always been able to form her own opinion completely separate from everyone else's. She asks a thousand questions a day...she has to know everything about everything, but that is good. She is incredibly helpful. She is a planner, she likes to be involved in everything we do....knowing all the facts. We always say she's going to make a great CEO or nagging wife one day! It's been interesting for sure to watch her through this adoption process and all of the questions she has asked. She is really looking forward to meeting him and being a big sister again and talks everyday still about him.

She is a lover too. She loves her family, her friends, God and her pets. She is sensitive to her needs and others, most of the time. Of course she has her moments like any other kid!

We just love her so much and are so proud of her and proud to be her parents! I would have never guessed 8 years ago, scared in that delivery room and not knowing what was going on or going to happen it would all be this great. We love you so much our precious Halloween baby Kyleigh bear!!!!

Looking up, moving on

So, lately I think my adoption posts have just been all over the place. I think it's like anything else where I go through this emotional roller coaster...some days I'm OK with everything, others I'm completely upset about it.

There hasn't been any more movement and when I spoke to our agency, they really don't expect anything for us until at least January. At the earliest. I have to admit, for a moment I was sad. I'm not mad anymore, just sad. Not anxious, just sad. I wonder about it. We are far along enough now where we know he's at least been born...and I just wonder about him all of the time now.

But, I made a promise to myself to keep moving on and not to let it get me down anymore. It's completely out of my hands...and probably for a good reason. If it was up to me, this would have happened a long time ago and I cannot imagine with everything that has happened to us in the past year throwing in an adoption along with it. I truly believe it's God's timing.

So, I continue to wait. Luckily, it's the busiest time of the year for us and I'm thinking that before we all know it, these next few months are going to fly by. Kyleigh has her 8th birthday on Halloween (we had her party this weekend) and we have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up too. Not to mention if this last month is any indication how busy I'm going to be volunteering at their school, I'm not going to have much time for sitting around and feeling sorry for myself! I guess I've also been very thoughtful lately with myself...thinking of the past, both recent and many many years ago. I'm still dealing with a few things that always seem to creep up this time of year, so I'm sure that's been part of my emotional craziness too.

Hope everyone has a great Halloween and here are a few pictures from our last few crazy weeks.

Reece had to sit on every tractor at the county fair

Riding the Tilt-a-Whirl

Reece, her BFF "A" and myself at her school's fundraiser

Sisters at the state fair

Showing some family love before Kyleigh's party

Happy 8th Birthday Kyleigh!!

Where has the time gone?

So, today is me and Bobby's 9th wedding anniversary....9 years! Where has the time gone? I am incredibly blessed to be married to my soul mate, as cheesy as it sounds, it's true.

He has been my rock, my sanity so many times without even knowing it. He knows what I am thinking without having to say a word. He knows how to make me feel better without even saying anything. I cannot imagine my life without him. We are one of those couples that likes to be together all of the time. He works long hours, so the time our family gets with him is so precious. It doesn't matter if we are out doing something or simply just sitting on the couch watching Grey's (yes, this man is awesome and likes it as much as I do!), just having that time together is so important. We've actually been together since I was 18...that's over 12 years.....and yes, I am giving away my age here :-) I can safely say it hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies, there have been struggles like any marriage has, especially when you meet and marry young and pretty much grow up together. Finances, careers, kids and the general stresses of life add to it. We feel so fortunate we have been able to enter ourselves around what is truly important...and our marriage has actually gotten stronger and better for it!

He has been unbelievable through this adoption. While a little reluctant at first, he has blown me away with how it has transformed him too. In this area, he is truly my rock. I am here sometimes sad, discouraged at how long things are taking and at the lack of movement for anything and he is so calm and certain and at peace with everything....reminding me that things are moving, I'm just not seeing it behind the scenes...and we will have our baby in our arms soon...in OUR perfect timing and not someone else's or just because I'm being impatient and want it now. Huh? Me impatient? Yup, he has to deal with this everyday people :-)

So to the most wonderful man, husband and father I know....I love you more than you can ever know and today I am so blessed and proud to celebrate this day with you!

Getting into the groove

So, it's been a while since I've done a post, but it's been incredibly busy!

The girls started school this past week. Under the circumstances of such a quick move, they did awesome! Kyleigh has already made some friends and seems to really enjoy her class. And Reece, I just cannot believe my baby started kindergarten. I did ok dropping her off that morning, but when I went to pick them up, seeing both of them standing there together with their book bags just tore me up! I am class parent for both of their classes and between that, the school volunteering and girl scouts, I think I'm going to have quite a busy year. I've been so busy these last few days, it's been ok to be home, but I'm sure next week I will be missing them terribly. Reece was so funny this morning...she found out Bobby was off and her face lit up "Mommy, now you don't have to be by yourself, you have someone!" It was so sweet :-)

Another thing I need to start on is making connections in the Raleigh/Durham area for stuffed animal collections/donations. I've actually been able to personally meet a couple of folks that have donated and I've collected enough in the past couple of months to do a sizable donation. I'm excited to be in a new area with such an opportunity to make a difference!

On another note, in the past few weeks I've had a friend I used to work with go through some pretty traumatic weeks. Details aside, she was pregnant with twins boys and had a pretty severe complication. She was rushed to the ER, almost died herself, and then the boys were air lifted to Duke. Sadly, one little man didn't make it. It's just heartbreaking to imagine. The other twin is doing better and has been transferred back to their hometown NICU. He is still being monitored due to the lack of oxygen because of the complication, but otherwise is doing well. This is just one of those times where it is so easy to be overwhelmed and let your mind wonder..."where is God" "why would He let something like this happen". I just ask all of you that are reading to please pray for Shannon and Jaren. She needs prayers for understanding, for healing physically and emotionally and Jaren needs prayers for healing. This family needs to feel an uplifting spirit and not to be overwhelmed by all of the "what ifs" that are out there!

Hope you all are having a good September so far and looking forward to the cooler weather! We get our weekly email for the adoption updates tomorrow, so I'm really hoping for any movement at all!!!!

Cleaning up and cleaning out!

I am exhausted! I have cleaned out every cabinet in this house. I have scrubbed almost every baseboard. I have pulled out unknown numbers of trash bags of McDonald's toys and other stuff I really couldn't believe we had held onto these last few years! I have just Reece's room and the garage to go....and Reece's room is a post in itself. This child is the most stubborn (but lovable) child on the planet. We have done everything we can think of possible to get her to clean this room...positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, taking privileges away for the lack of listening and helping...heck, even bribing at this point! I mean, the movers will be here in less than a week, we have to have this done!

Sigh. I am mentally exhausted from it. This has been going on since Sunday night....every minute of my waking since Sunday has been consumed with trying to get this child to clean. If it was just a few things, fine, but she has TRASHED this room. I mean, you cannot even see the floor for all of the toys and clothes on it. I don't think I'm in the wrong to expect her to clean up her mess....especially when I've been doing the ENTIRE rest of the house! I'm trying not to give in....and forgive my rant here :-)

We have our last swim lesson today. I did not let her attend on Tuesday (because of the disobedience around the room) and oh boy...we were definitely the circus side show there. She cried, she screamed, she begged, she tried to go in the pool in her clothes. I don't think it's fair to punish Kyleigh since she cleaned her room like I asked, so I have to go. It's 8:30...we leave in an hour and the room is not even close to being done. She sits in there all day saying she's cleaning and then it's actually worse than what it was earlier! I guess everyone at the aquatic center this morning will get another show. Maybe she will be a famous actress one day with all of this drama. At least one grandma befriended me on Tuesday and patted me on the back for standing my ground and not just giving into my kids all of the time. I really needed that :-)

This holding your ground stuff is tough tough....especially since the girls are SO different. Kyleigh would have given in and just listened within the first hour.....and we are on day 4 with Reece!!!! Lord please give me patience and strength!

You will be moving August 6th......

That was the email I received today from the moving company. They are coming next Wednesday to pack us up, loading it up on Thursday and moving it to the new house in Cary on Friday. Phew.

While I am **extremely** happy to have a quicker move time than the 4 weeks they initially quoted us, I am looking at the calendar and realizing just how quick that is. I don't have much time at all.

Outside of all of the scheduling with last minute appointments, coordinating real estate agents and everything at the new place, something hit me today. The importance of this house. The memories of this house.

I remember crying pulling out of the driveway at our Wilmington house moving here....that was the house we brought our babies home to...in fact, it happens to be the house pretty much all of the major events of our lives at that time had happened in. But this house, while it holds memories of my kids as well, has a special place in my heart for my dad.

My back porch is the last place I sat with him and just talked...he told me all about my grandfather, who he had never really spoken to me about before. My kitchen table was the last meal I had with him. My driveway was the last place I stood and hugged his neck. My road was the last place I saw him drive away. For these reasons, this move has all of a sudden hit home in a very bittersweet way.

I became a very different person in this house. In the quiet times of working from home away from the noise of the office, I was able to hear God for the first time. I still ran for a while, but being pulled away...this move...was one of the best things to ever happen to me. For the first time in my life, I felt safe with my life in His hands. And that is a wonderful thing.

I know I will cry pulling out of this driveway too, but I am so happy to also remember all of the great times that were spent here. Our family has never been stronger or closer and I cannot wait to see what this adventure has in store for us. Hopefully this next house will also be filled with memories of our Korean cutie soon!

Coastal Carolina no more!

Well, we've given it a little over two great years here in the North Myrtle Beach area, but Bobby got the call last Monday to move to Cary, NC....so here we go again!!

We were lucky enough to find a house to rent really close to the store.....now we just have to push that pesky moving company to get us moving! They are telling us the move is at least 3-4 weeks out! Don't they know school starts in 3 weeks!!!! At least we have somewhere to go. If we have to sleep on air mattresses in the new house in Cary until the rest of our stuff is able to be moved so the girls can start school there, I guess it will be an adventure! I'm just thankful we were able to find a place so quickly.

I will miss this area though. I take for granted that that ocean is 10 minutes away. I know I will miss it incredibly when we move, although there are so many more opportunities for our kids in the city. So much for Kyleigh and Reece and so much more support for adoptive families for sure!

So, this week has been crazy. We just finished celebrating Reece's 5th birthday and actually got the call while we had family down for her birthday. Now it's a rush to get the house ready to sell. We are so thankful to work for a company that will help us with all of this, but it is still stressful. To add to it, Bobby has to start there on Monday...as in day after tomorrow! So, us girls are left behind to get all of this stuff done and daddy is not really happy about having to live out of a hotel either! But, we know it's all temporary and we will all be back together soon.

As for adoption news, we did confirm we have moved up to #10! Woo hoo! These teen numbers have been so incredibly slow. We REALLY hope and pray the single digits come soon and FAST! It was so awesome to hear my husband looking at houses and speaking to folks making sure that there was a room for our little one :-) He even tried to get him counted as an additional person as part of our move, explaining to the lady helping us coordinate this whole thing that it should be treated just like a pregnancy. Oh this man of mine!

Anyway, sorry for the lack of posting and craziness of this post, but as you can see July has been quite crazy for us and August I think will prove to be even crazier!!!

I'm getting excited....

I know, everyone probably thought some great adoption news would follow the title of that post, but unfortunately things are slow again. I'm really hoping things pick up again soon. Next Sunday will be a year since we sent our application off. I cannot believe it's been a year already. It's kind of bittersweet to think of it. I hope this year is filled with more baby and less waiting for baby!!

Bobby and I don't really go on dates that often, so we really try to have a mini vacation just for the two of us every year. This year we are going to CMA Fest in Nashville! Not much of a vacation as we will be going to non-stop concerts, events and autograph signings, but we are really excited. I've always wanted to go to Nashville and what better time then during the biggest party of the year?

I have a TON of stuff to do to get ready...and yes we are leaving in less than 48 hours. As usual, I have waited until the last minute :-) Kyleigh's last day of school is Thursday along with the last girl scouts meeting and they both start camp next week and we have Nick at Night going on at church. My poor mother in law is going to get her fill in this next week! She certainly will not be bored!

In general things have been pretty busy and crazy around here. I asked Bobby yesterday if I did all of this when I worked too, but we quickly realized that I didn't. I didn't have a chance to volunteer to help with Sunday School or Habitat lunches or play dates. And I'm certainly happy that I do now. It's a completely different type of busy.

We will be back late Sunday night, so maybe I will be able to post some pictures then. We've never been before, so I have no idea what to expect. You never know what can happen on a road trip and 4 days of concerts! Hope everyone has a great week!

Understanding Mother's Day in a new way

I was filled with all sorts of feelings yesterday. My girls were so sweet and my kitchen table had hand written cards and treats on it whenever I got up. They were so excited, especially Kyleigh who is horrible at keeping secrets and had managed to hide my present the entire weekend. She was so proud of herself I think!

Instead of being focused on the Mother's Day I was having with my kids, my thoughts quickly wondered to other moms and how they felt on that day. Those moms that have lost children in the past year, those moms that are still struggling with infertility, those moms like myself in the waiting process, foster moms who know they will be handing over those babies they have taken such good care of and grown to love and those birth moms...who have made the selfless decision for their babies to initiate an adoption plan.

The referral dry spell was broken this past week and four referrals were announced! That puts us at #12 I'm thinking. That means that we are still on track to get our referral in the next 6 months or so....that means that our baby's birth mom has either already made her tough decision or will be making it soon. She was on my mind strong all day yesterday....wondering what things might be like for her....hoping she knew that in her decision to pursue an adoption plan that her baby has a family half way around the world that is eagerly waiting for them and loving them so much already. There seems to be quite a bit of activity again, so I am hoping still to have our baby home and in our arms by this time next year.

We also dedicated our girls during our church service yesterday, which was a real honor. I am so happy to have found such a great church family that supports us. I wasn't sure how the girls would do about getting up on the stage, but they did well. Kyleigh couldn't believe how bright it was up there and was squinting and trying to look out the entire time. Gives you a different perspective for the worship team!

I am SO incredibly thankful and blessed to be a mommy and I hope all mommy's out there had a wonderful day yesterday!

Pressures of the modern day woman/parent

I think it's hard being a woman (of course I'm one sided and bias here), but especially today and especiallly being a parent.

In a time when Destiny's child can have hits with a song like "Bills, bills, bills" about having a man to pay their bills and then turn around and release "Independent Woman" some years later about being completely independent from that same notion. I grew up wanting to be completely independent. I didn't want to depend on anyone for anything....all too many times there were strings attached. If I worked hard, I could control it all....I could do it all.

I felt pressure to have my own career and be a successful figure, to own a certain type of home, to have 2.5 kids...which of course I would manage without blinking an eye, be completely supportive of my husband and have dinner on the table for all of them at promptly 6pm after working all day. At night, I would be able to get all of the cleaning and laundry done and start my next day in a perfectly clean and organized home. That commercial with Kelly Ripa for those washers and dryer where "she can be even more perfect" drives me up the wall.

Seriously ladies, it's tough out there! I always held tight to that advice or those conversations I would have with folks that I knew would be real with me.....your laundry will pile up to 5 or more loads and it's OK, your dishes will fill the sink and you will be too tire to wash them sometimes and it's OK, you will not always have Mary Poppins patience with your kids and it's OK. I love and cherish these stories of families just being real because I just couldn't keep up with the notion (and stress) of doing everything perfectly all of the time!

So, I thought I would share some real stories with you guys. Some of you are just now starting families, some of you have babies or many more kids than I do, but I thought it would be fun to share some. I know I'm not alone in saying that worry seriously takes over sometimes...I worry a lot about the parent I am and the effect I'm having on my kids and I think that's a normal thing for any mom to do, but life happens and sometimes you just have to run with it!

~Life Lesson #1: Lock away your art supplies. Don't just put them away in drawers.
We were getting our house ready to sell and we had just spent two days painting and preparing. I was in the bathroom and came downstairs to a lovely painting of green all the way down my stairwell...my carpet...my living room walls...my entertainment center...and even the poor unsuspecting dog. Another two days of painting......

~Life Lesson #2: Always ask your child questions about what they talked about with their friends that day.
Kyleigh was 4 and was discussing with me a video a friend was telling her about at school that she wanted us to buy for her. Honestly, I was half listening, thinking she was going to ask again for another Barbie movie, but I asked the name of it. "Well (child's name) said she stays up late and sees it advertised. She told us it's called Girls Gone Wild". After a freak out of follow up questions about what exactly the other child said about the video, we found out that Kyleigh just thought it was a dancing video and really didn't know anything about it's true content! Seriously would have never thought this would be a conversation occuring at 4!

~Life Lesson #3: Go to Rooms to Go right now and splurge on a mattress protector.
Not only do they save your mattress during potty training at night (which is an adventure in itself), but when your 4 year old decides to sneak in the gallon of strawberries you just picked into her room and stains EVERYTHING her favorite color pink, your mattress will survive yet again!

~Life Lesson #4: Time outs are for mommies too
Oh we love these kiddos so very much, but something very serious happened with my girls at 2 and most notably age 4. Some stubborn, loud, knowing it all, nagging demon possessed them. Luckily, it goes away (I'm sure to rear it's lovely head again in the teenage years), but during this time it's a test like no other. They are figuring out limits and independence...and testing your limits at the same time. It's OK to get frustrated, but know that I'm pretty sure they all go through this...and we've all survived and are even looking forward to having more! I never wanted to be that mom screaming at her kids or hitting them out of shear frustration. We've learned when we have situations like this, both mom and child have a time out for the same reasons....it gives us both time to calm down and not react emotionally. We come back together and can clearly talk it through. This has worked much better in our house than anything else we've tried. And a night out with your best girl friends are so important. Plan that lunch or dinner date with them and keep it!

Oh there are so many more (and more to come I know!), but I thought this would be a fun post!

Sideways,

backwards, forwards, up, down...any way you look at it, it had to happen.

I've been doing some wrestling and struggling lately, well, for months really. Wresting with God, with what I think my life goals should be, what I should be doing with my life. I cannot describe in words what it is like to have everything you thought you wanted all of a sudden vanish as if it was never important after all. It's all been a huge April Fool's joke....and God has slowly been opening my eyes to it. I bought into the notion that I needed to do whatever I could to move up in my job...whatever the cost, working late, taking in the stress, doing what they asked me to. It was important to make the money to give my kids every opportunity....but what if the opportunities they wanted and needed were different than what I thought?

What if they just wanted the opportunity to have 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with me after a long day of school to just color or talk? What if they wanted the opportunity to come home to a mom that wasn't already stressed out from her day? Or the opportunity to watch their mom live by example....instead of just voicing to them what is important. These things I feel are so much more important than being able to buy them the latest clothes or go on trips every year. My career was becoming a shadow of what my real job should be....a mom and wife.

A support to my husband who I love more than anything in this world. Being there to get Reece ready for Kindergarten, to challenge Kyleigh and to welcome our son home. Having the time to cook and bake like I want to for my family. Having time to LIVE what I believe, instead of just preaching to my kids about it.

So, you may have guessed it by now, but as of April 21st, I will be no longer working 50+ hour weeks, stressing over deadlines that are completely out of my control, wishing I could take a break and enjoy the day...but staying chained to my computer. April 22nd will begin a new journey for our family.

This is a COMPLETE leap of faith, but I've felt this for a long time. It has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done to let this job go. It wasn't a decision made lightly. I have agonized over it for months, praying and going over our finances again and again. My amazing husband though? Absolutely no hesitation....he just wants me to be happy. Tell me again how lucky I am? I have thrown my entire life up to see where God takes it....and I'm excited to see where it goes! I am really looking forward to having Reece home with me and being with the girls this summer. I have so many things I want to do to get them ready for the next school year! And I hope to be more involved in scouts, school and pretty much anything they get into...as well as being home with our son!!!

I will be looking for something I can do very part time from home just to supplement a bit, but I know it will all work out. I've already found a few options, I just need to make a decision :-)

Anyway, that's been the big deal around here lately! Huge life changes for us again this year!

I've wanted to write...

but I've been incredibly busy this past month! March feels like a complete whirlwind, but lots of great things have happened! I wish I had some great adoption news to share, but there haven't been any referrals since the beginning/middle of February. Now they are possibly quoting up to 30 months waiting for healthy infant girls! We've seen such a change in the length of the waiting period since we began last June, but we continue to pray for patience and know that the child that is meant to be ours, will be. We are still hoping to get our referral for a boy sometime in October/November.

I have made my friends laugh by telling them my house looks like an episode of hoarders...no, really. February and March I was blessed and overwhelmed by an outpouring of stuffed animal donations...and they continue to come in strong. I'm estimating over a thousand in my house right now! I'm really hoping things slow down a bit so I can do an animal marathon and get them cleaned up and shipped out to Haiti where they are truly needed!

At the beginning of the month, Bobby went to the National Lowes Convention. He was completely blown away to learn he received the store manager of the year award for his region....what an honor! He was really humbled by it all, especially since he truly loves what he does. Anyway, he gets to have a party and everything at his store next month, how fun!

My job has been crazy. Been working a lot of extra hours, which equals extra frustration to me. Lots of stuff going on in the background on this one...that's a post for another day!

The girls are doing great. Kyleigh got glasses this month and looks so cute! Of course Reece felt left out because she didn't have glasses, so the wonderful lady at the doctor gave us a display pair for her...she wears them proudly...even with the wording on the "lenses" ;-)

Kyleigh has really been doing well in school, so well in fact that I am concerned she is not being challenged enough. I have heard from two or three separate folks in the school the same concern with her. She is consistently reading at 2 or 3 grade levels above 1st grade. They have reading groups split up among the grades and I asked what happens when she is at or above 5th grade in her school....no response. I just don't want her to get bored and start getting in trouble or lose her passion for school in general. I've also been told she has been given a "buddy" to watch over. There is another child in her class with ADHD and Kyleigh is responsible for helping him with his work...get him started...helping him along and also helping the teachers. While I appreciate the fact that she is learning to help others and being a great help to her teachers, I don't want that kind of pressure on her. She takes responsibility very seriously...if he doesn't do well, she will take it personal. Phew, I'll be glad when this school year is over!

Bobby has been doing his autocross and having a great time. They've done two races so far. I just think it's a great opportunity for him and his brother to have that time together. I'm sure our son will enjoy it one day too..or heck, even Reece would love to be out there!

Anyway, there have been some long, serious conversations going on in our house over some changes that need to be made. We are close to working out the final tweaks and I will be so happy to report the good news once I am able too!

Hope everyone is well!

Just another parental path done

Yup, so I'm trying to work today with both girls home. Aside from a few bickering fights, it's been pretty good....until Kyleigh walks in the room and says "uh, mom. I found some hair in the bathroom".

The following is a journey in pictures of my 4 year old's attempt at what I have to guess is a female mullet. Join me will you...

The tool

Some of the carnage....

Where did 4 inches of her hair go in the front???

This is just wrong....

Evidently Kyleigh thought she did a better job of hiding things like scissors and glue from Reece than we do and hid a pair of her own we didn't know she had. Well, sneaky Reece found them and decided while I was on a call she would give herself a stylish new do. Lord help me! It could have been worse I suppose. I remember when I gave myself a hair cut and only left about 1/2 of bangs! That was a good look!

So now Reece looks like she is growing out a mullet and it's only Monday! Sigh :-)

Busy as a bee this week!

So this week started with my first full week back to work..ugh! I'm sure you guys understand that feeling too. So hard to get back into the groove of things. It also started with some interesting reorganization changes, so I think it will continue to be an interesting month...new boss, new structure. Sometimes change is good right?!


I've been overwhelmed with anticipation and emotion for my friend Meredith as she left Wednesday for Ethiopia. She has told us they have made it safely there, praise God! She gets to meet Aaron today and hopefully through the sketchy Internet access we will get to see pictures too. Please continue to pray for them! She also sent a wonderful snack attack basket to me filled with all kinds of chocolate to let me know she was thinking of me this weekend on the anniversary of my Dad's passing. I cannot even begin to describe what that meant to me...completely out of the blue for that to arrive at the door (I even waited to answer the door because it's usually stuffed animal shipments!). Thank you Meredith! People like you make this world better everyday.


Also a busy week because cookie selling for Girl Scouts starts today (if you live in NC and would like cookies, Kyleigh set her goal for 500 boxes....this girl is CRAZY!) Anyway, we would love to help you with your need for sugar, just let me know :-)


And in big news, Bobby bought a car. He has been back and forth looking at cars for months trying to make a decision. He has worked very very hard this year and it has paid off. For the first time, he could really look at ALL of the cars and decide. I stepped completely out of this process because I wanted it to be his decision. Our lives have changed drastically these last couple of years and Bobby's final decision certainly showed this. Instead of buying a brand new...very expensive...car, he instead decided to do some much needed work to the car he already had. And, yes, he did buy another car. Bobby has always been a car fanatic. He reads car magazines for hours, he can rattle off car parts that sound like a foreign language to me, he can name all of those cars on that crazy auction that always comes on TV (you ladies married to other car guys know the one I'm talking about!). His brother does auto cross and Bobby got to go to a couple last year and even got to drive in one...and he loved it! What more can you like? Cars..family...friends..comradery? Anyway, in a twist of fate the very car he had so much fun auto crossing in last year was up for sale. Bobby ended up with a BMW after all....and for a tenth of the price of the other ones :-) Introducing the "purple turtle" below:

I cannot even describe the love and respect I have for this man. Of all of the different scenarios he could have moved forward with, he did the one that was honoring and respectful to the way we want to lead our lives and raise our kids. What a way to show with actions! Of course this is lost in a sea of happy faces and talks of auto crossing schedules this year, but I am so very proud of him.

And in even happier news, we received our letter from USCIS that we can get our fingerprinting done next week! Yeah! Forgive me for being eager, but you know we have already made plans to go first thing on Monday morning! The office is 4.5 hours from our house, so we are going to go to Goldsboro on Sunday night to stay and leave for Durham that morning. Not sure what is involved in federal fingerprinting, but just one more thing to mark off our list to get us closer to our son!

Wow! It's been a busy week! Hope you all are doing well and that 2010 is being good to you so far!

2010 here we come!!!

And I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions (usually because sadly I break them within the first month!), but this year I'm posting changes, hopes and dreams I hope to come true for myself and our family this year. Maybe if I put it on paper, I will be more likely to stick with them! So in completely random order.....

~ Volunteering/Supporting other people/families more.
We do participate in Relay for Life, Habitat for Humanity, support our local and national food bank and well as a local Christian radio station, however I feel like there is so much more we can do. I want to get more hands on and really open my girls eyes to how blessed they are. I want to help more in our church, community, state, country and world. I really pray we get even more opportunity this year to help in ways we could never imagine.

~ Stop worrying about the adoption.
I totally believe God's hand is in our adoption every step of the way. He has a plan, He knows exactly what is going to happen, He is watching over all of this. While we followed where God is leading us, I also need to let my emotions follow as well.

~ Be concerned with the NOW only
No more battling the past, no more worrying about the future. I want to enjoy everyday for the gift it is. I feel like I miss out on so much because my mind is not where it should be.

~ Work with the girls more on bickering and tattletelling
I'm sure all of you that already have children may be snickering at this one...I can dream can't I? :-)

~ Get in a comfortable place in my career
Not sure yet what this means.

~ Get our referral (and even better have our son home!)
Wouldn't that be awesome?!

~ Get Reece ready for Kindergarten by working on her reading.
Great on her letters and picking up her sounds nicely...now getting her to sit still to work on it longer than 5 minutes is another issue....

~ Have at least one romantic getaway with my husband
I don't care if it's down the road or far away, just one weekend...please!

I feel like this is quite a to do list, but doable at the same time (except for the referral--kind of out of my hands!)

Any big ones for you on this New Year's Eve?

I've been trying to post.....

but we have been incredibly busy this past month! December is typically the busiest month for my job and this one proved no different. I cannot remember a crazier time than I've ever had this past month! So glad I decided to take a week off at Christmas because I sure needed it!

This past week off has been like no other. We went to our hometown last Thursday and stayed through Sunday. Luckily our parents live only 5 minutes from each other, so it makes those home visits very easy. The girls had a blast seeing their family and it warms my heart how excited they get over their grandparents. We are still working on the gratitude part of Christmas, much better than last year, but still slow strides as far as I'm concerned. I'm having a hard time finding the middle ground between them being young and enjoying the magic of Christmas, but also understanding that presents cost money and the time, thought and sacrifice behind them. It's a work in progress I guess!

It was just the girls and I for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I spent most of these days enjoying them, cleaning up, laundry and breaking up those squabbles that happen when you have spent WAY too much time with your sister a week straight! But, I have to say how wonderful it was to sit down every night and just relax. I honestly cannot remember the last time I really did that....not thinking about what was due the next day or how in the world I was going to get everything done. I just enjoyed my family one day at a time.

Bobby was off on Christmas eve and we decided to do a big family day of fun. We went to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks (which was something. I haven't taken them to a movie together in over a year) and then we played putt putt. It got a little cold there at the end, but it was so much fun! I usually am horrible at putt putt, but ended up with 3 holes in one and each of the girls got one too (sorry daddy!). We got some ice cream and then headed off to the Christmas eve service at our church, which was absolutely great. We got home and left our food for santa and his reindeer and actually all went to bed without any problems! (last year Reece hid under the table in the living room...blankets and all!).

This morning was a flurry of wrapping paper and excited smiles. We didn't go crazy like we did in years past, lots of smaller things. Their big present was a radio/karoye machine...which much to our ears dismay has already had much play today :-)

Pugsley thought Christmas started much too early in the morning


Excited Reece


The vet Barbie Kyleigh wanted


Daddy showing Reece how to crush cars with her new monster truck!


I told myself all day to focus on the happiness of the day. It's so hard not to look back at last Christmas....and there are a lot of sad memories. This time last year I was putting out a missing persons warrant for my dad because no one could find him. Tomorrow he would go into the hospital and never come back out except to be moved to hospice only a week later because the cancer would spread so quickly. Today would begin 3 weeks of heartache and even harder decisions.

But, with all of that, I also have to focus on what was going on behind all of that. It's no secret my dad and I had a jaded past and had just reunited our relationships a few years past. So many feelings had resulted from our recent move and I was clinging to anything I could to make it through. Just two weeks before Christmas I wrote letters to my parents...my dad, my mom and my step dad. Very personal letters, letters of open forgiveness and sharing feelings I never had before. I was moved to do it. I let it all go. When everything started happening with my dad, I almost ripped them all up, thinking the time wasn't right. But it was. God starting moving in my life in a most awesome way last December (he's always being moving in my life, I had just been too blind to see it!) I gave my parents those letters and spent my last night with my dad....reading his letter to him, his eyes closed shut and tears coming out. I kissed him and told him how much I loved him, how much I would miss him, how thankful I was that God had brought us back together after all of those years. He wasn't able to talk or even open his eyes at that point, but I know he heard me. He squeezed my hand and I sat there with him and just cried.

After all of the presents were open this morning, we started calling everyone so the girls could tell them what they got for Christmas. I cannot lie I had to choke back a tear going past my dad's name in my phone (I just don't have the heart to delete it..as silly as that sounds). But, this Christmas, I don't have to worry and wonder where he is. He is in the safest place any of us could ever imagine, right in God's arms.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas and remember the most precious gift we have all received this very night....Jesus was born to save us. All we have to do is receive His gift. Won't you receive it tonight if you haven't before?