Out of the millions of orphans

Asher, God chose YOU to be our son. Sometimes I get caught up in this wait, how long it's been, how far my patience and faith have been stretched. But I am forgetting the most important thing of all.....God is in control. Not me.

As January comes to an end soon, I have to admit it's been the toughest month yet. There have been incredible highs, and lows. I've cried, I've laughed, been mad, happy, thankful and angry all at the same time. I've prayed for understanding, for patience, for peace. The more I pray for these things, the more and more my eyes are opened to certain scriptures that He lays on my heart:

Psalms 68:6: "God sets the lonely in families"

Psalms 27:14: "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage; and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord"

Psalms 68:5: "A father to the fatherless, and a defender of the widows, is God in his holy habitation"

Philippians 4:6: "In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God"

2 Samuel 22:33: "God is my strong fortress. He makes my way perfect."

John 16:33: "I have told you these things, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have oppression; but cheer up! I have overcome the world."

Psalms 146:9: "The Lord takes care of those who are in a strange land; he gives help to the widow and the child who has no father"

I've found that I'll say several of these many many times a day. The moment I start to wonder or get upset because we've not heard anything. The moment I feel sad because we will miss his first birthday. The moment I feel so disheartened and out of control. I say these words of truth. These are things that are clearly spoken to us. I do not have to worry about when Asher will be home, because God sets the lonely in families and He is in control. Everyday I wait my faith is straighten in the Lord. God is a father to the fatherless and wants nothing more than Asher to be forever with us. God is on our side. He is working even when we feel like nothing is happening. Even while we sleep. Even while we go about our everyday lives, God is working out Asher's wonderful journey. I do not have to worry. I will continue to pray knowing He hears my prayers. He knows my heart. He sees the end when I cannot. He is watching over Asher. I may not be able to do anything to get him home, but God can, and will. With Him anything is possible. I trust His will. I trust His timing.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes again to the bigger picture. This wonderful journey we've all been on. Thank you for giving us the boldness to live it out. Thank you for making us wait so that we would have Asher as our son. Thank you for all of the preparations you are working through now. We wait in peace and rejoice in everyday, with news or not, because it brings us closer to our son.

Just a rough week, that's all

I am now able to blog about this past week. boy it was a rough one. Two words...travel call. Well, lack there of.

I know, I know...we haven't been waiting as long as some families have for their travel call. Before I even begin this post, I want to say that no matter how long we wait, I am incredibly grateful and thankful for this entire adoption process. I am in no way bitter towards anyone or anything. Just sad really.

So, when speaking to our agency back in December concerning EP's (if you remember from my earlier posts, Korea ran out of EP's-permits that our kiddos need to leave the country and come home-and everyone was *patiently* waiting for January 1st so they could start submitting them again), she told us that Holt prioritizes waiting children (Asher is from Rainbow kids) and she said we should be in that first batch. Our agency doesn't get notification of when or what families are submitted for EP, but I've been following the Holt boards to watch this information. A batch was submitted on the 4th and 11th. I was so excited! There has been 4 or 5 other friends I've made along the way and we were all in the same boat in this waiting process.

So on Tuesday, there was action all over the boards and fac*book of folks getting EP approvals and travel calls! I was so excited! This little boy I've prayed for and love so much would be coming home!! I thought for sure that we were in that group going by what our agency said, so I was literally waiting by my phone. Ready to make that call to our family and friends. Ready to feel that completion after almost 2 years of waiting. Ready to know that we were finally bringing our son home!!!!

Well, as you can guess, no call came. I finally called our agency. To sum it up, they don't really have any information to give. She was pretty sure we were not submitted, and did not give any idea of when we would be. Nothing at all hopeful to go on. At all. When I asked about the first batch situation, she clarified that was "an assumption". Would have been nice to have that clarification as soon as she said it in December since I had been holding onto that conversation this entire time. So, we were not getting a travel call that day, this week, this month, probably not even next month. It's looking more and more like March....or worst April or later.

I'm not going to lie, I cried. A lot. I'm just so emotionally exhausted from all of this. I want him home so badly it physically hurts. Tuesday and Wednesday were very bad days with lots of puffy eyes! But, my crying didn't do anything to change the situation. In reality, we are with Holt and their travel takes much longer than SWS, which is who most of my friends are with. It's not a surprise they got their travel call at all. I decided that instead of having a pity party for myself, I was going to be positive about this...as much as I can!

It sucks that we will not be there by his birthday. I mean, it just does. It sucks for every family to have to wait like this, it doesn't matter how long they have waited or what their situation is. I've said it before, adoption is not for the faint at heart and boy I've learned that lesson over and over again this week. So, I'm just going to be thankful that Asher is with an amazing foster family who is taking great care of him. Thankful he had a good January check up. Thankful in knowing that this wait Does have an end. We Will be in Korea soon. So for now I'm still trying to keep busy and February is turning out to be action packed..and the shortest month of the year thank goodness...so maybe it will fly by. We still have to get his room straighten up and now I have time to learn some Korean phases (I love you, thank you, etc.) that I really wanted to learn before we traveled.

Thanks everyone for your support this past week and kind words. It's really meant a lot to have such great friends!!!!

Some travel advice?

Nope, they haven't told us we can travel yet (though a girl can wish!!), but in this time of *patient* waiting for our travel call, I'm trying to go ahead and get things together because I know how crazy things will be then!

So, I'm looking for travel advice. I've never booked a flight in my life, so we definitely think it's worth the extra money to get a travel agent for this, but I'm looking for advice for the flight. What is something you suggest for a flight for us and also for Asher? Keep in mind the flight from Korea to Chicago will be 14 hours...yup. Not for the faint at heart! How the heck will I keep him occupied for 14 hours in a seat?? 5 hour energy will be my friend I suspect :-) At least Chicago to Raleigh is only 2 1/2 hrs!

If you've been to Korea, we would love to know must see places. We've gotten a couple of books and read them, but it's always great to hear about other experiences! I figure if I do a little bit each week of packing and planning, then not only will it hopefully keep me occupied, but I will be prepared when the call comes in. Last week I got all of Asher's laundry done (and crib set up and made!) and I have to admit you couldn't wipe the smile off my face folding those sweet little clothes. Ask me again in a few months when I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry for 5 people if I'm smiling while folding!!!

So, we are waiting without really knowing anything right now. Everything on US side is done and all of the final approvals and documents were sent to the Embassy in Seoul last Friday. Now they will sit waiting until the EP (Emigration Permit) is approved. This is where the mystery is. There was such a backlog from last year (all agencies ran out before the year was over because Korea has been decreasing the amount of EP's every year) and I'm sure everyone sent in EP's from all over. We are still praying Asher was submitted last week, but our agency cannot find any of that out to tell us. They said they will only know when it's approved. If it was indeed submitted last week, we could have approval by the end of the month! Travel call usually comes a week or two after that, so we would be there in February by his birthday! If it was not submitted in January, it would be submitted in February and we would be praying to travel in March. I just feel like we will be there by his birthday. I even bought him a birthday shirt to celebrate with him. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but at the same time I pray everyday and know that what is impossible with man, is certainly possible with God.

The next few weeks will be nail biting! If we don't hear anything by the first week of February, we know we should be in the next batch for EP's. Please pray with us that he has already been submitted and please please feel free to leave any travel advice with kids you have!!!

Dreaming of my baby today

And I cannot seem to think of anything else!

I have a great group of adoptive moms in my area and asked if any of them knew how long it takes to get EP approval once you have submitted. I am hearing back around 4 weeks...6 at the most. Really?? Awesome! That means we actually may have a chance of getting Asher by his birthday (Feb 21st)! Of course I know that every situation is different, but this just made me so excited today! Plus getting the official I-600 approval in the mail today made it even better :-)

I feel like I have so much to do. I am sitting down tomorrow and putting together a to do list to keep me accountable and make me feel better about all of it. I need to go back through some of the places to see and do in Korea, figure out what we need to pack and look at some of the hotels and figure out around what our airfare may be if we travel in February. We have his crib up, but everything else is just laying on the floor. Clothes to wash, baby carriers to figure out, his special bag to pack...my head is spinning!

Dancing that I-600 approval dance!!!

Oh buddy...we are moving as quickly as we can to get to you!!

So, we had submitted our I-600 on Dec 10th. I followed up the next week just to see if they had received it and was so bummed to hear we were not even in their system. I was so worried something had happened. Of course, I go out to the mailbox and what is there? Notice of action! What was I so anxious for? They had received it! Not sure what happened with that, but I was just so thankful they got it! I emailed the next week to follow up and see if it had been assigned with an officer yet. I knew the holidays would slow us up quite a bit, but I could hope right? So the same lady emailed back saying that indeed the holidays would slow us up and it would be at least another week before it would be assigned to be reviewed. I was sad, but figured that would happened. I continued to pray however. I've been praying the entire time for an approval before December. Even when our agency told us it wouldn't happen.

So, we went out of town for Christmas and got back on Thursday. I started going through my emails and had received one from the same lady I had spoken to before. Curious I opened it and guess what?? She processed it for us! Wow! Unbelievable! So our I-600 should be received in Korea Embassy next week! What a wonderful way to end 2010! And what a blessing! I tried, but I just could not put in words how grateful I was to this officer. She didn't have to do that and we are forever grateful to her!

So now, we wait to see what happens with the EP situation. For those not in the middle of this right now, Asher needs his Emigration Permit to be able to travel. All adoption agencies in Korea ran out of these before 2010 was up. Some ran out as early as April, so there are folks that have had their referrals and just been waiting since April. I cannot imagine the heartache they must feel. Our agency ran out in the middle of November, so I am waiting to hear back on how this will affect us. Pretty much there is a very large waiting line of families that received their referrals in 2010 and all they need are these EP's. Can you imagine how crazy Monday is going to be in the Korean Embassy?!

So our agency feels good that Asher will be submitted in the first batch since he is a special needs child, but we don't have a clear idea of how long these take to get approval. Our agency still feels we are looking at March at best, but I am praying for before March (if you are reading and have any insight on how long EP approvals take for Korea, please! leave me a comment~). So right now, we have done everything we can. We seriously just sit and wait for our travel call. We have 10 business days to leave for Korea after that to go get him.

There is just so much to do! I feel like even though they are telling me possibly March, that I need to be getting ready. We switched all of the rooms this week and put the crib up. I still need to wash everything and there are several things I still need to get in preparation for our trip....we did buy our luggage tonight though!

So, we humbly ask that you keep us in your prayers. Please pray that we are able to bring Asher home before March. He has been sick and in the hospital already this winter with lung issues, so we are certainly eager to get him here. We've seen the power of prayer in action this last month and are praying to have him home by his birthday (Feb 21st)!

Hope you all have a wonderful New Year and cannot wait to follow along and hear how awesome 2011 treats you!!!

This is what I am supposed to be doing

Oooo...touchy subject today.

So, if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I just left my job this past April. I was not one of those moms that always knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I thought to be a stay at home mom you had to have the following traits...

*Patience never ending
*A craft closet constantly full
*Home baked cookies ALWAYS made and ready
*The cleanest house, ever, no matter what
*The knowledge to handle any kid situation

Phew. That seemed like quite a tall order and I don't know about you, but as hard as I might try I fail miserably at trying to be super woman. So anyway, I worked. I enjoyed working and our kids were in a great daycare. Then we moved. Had to change departments to keep my job and let's just say our daycare was not anything to be excited about. The longer and longer my hours got, the more and more time I missed from my family, the more I started to feel like this just wasn't me. I wasn't happy at all. I felt like I was failing at my job because I couldn't work 20 hours a day and failing as a mom because I couldn't be with them 24 hours a day. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I just started thinking more and more about being a stay at home mom (SAHM). I reached out to a few I knew and asked them tons of questions. These were women I had know for years...how the heck did they do it? Did they have perfectly decorated and cleaned houses, picture perfect kids, dinner on the table by 6 every night with a smile on their faces?

Uh, not exactly. I learned that being a SAHM is not at all what I thought I was like. I thought I had long hours with my job! I thought on it some more and finally brought it up to my husband. Much to his (and mine) delight, he was completely on board! We would make the change once our little man came home. As you can guess, we jumped the gun.

Months before we had a referral, we changed our plan and I put in my notice. I was scared to death. How would this work out financially? How will our kids react? What will I do all day (yes, I really thought this for awhile)? Will I miss the challenge of my job? Will I miss seeing grown folks?

Well, I'm not going to lie and say the first couple of months were gravy. They were hard. We learned a lot about some things that we just failed at as parents and certainly had "parenting bootcamp" with mommy home 24-7. I won't go into details, but I wore out every parenting book I owed and even bought more. Every week seemed to get better....we were finally settling in.

Looking back over the last few months, I can honestly say I feel for the first time in my life I'm doing what I should be doing. I went from a career obsessed mom to family centered mom. Our faith and our family have never been stronger. Of course there are still tough days and certainly will be to come, but it's so nice to finally find where I belong.

Being on both sides (working and staying at home), I have to say that being a mom in general is one of the most hard and rewarding things you can do. I always hate to read about folks that hear that one side is "better" than the other or get questioned for their choices. No matter where you are in life, I say that if you are loving your children with all you have and providing for them a loving home and support, you are being a great parent!!!

When I meet you

When the day comes I've been praying for....when I finally meet you.......

All this worry will fade

All this anxiety will be forgotten

I will have you in my arms. Forever.

I will be the one getting up at night (hopefully you will be gracious to this mama!)

Bathing you. Feeding you. Changing you.

Watching you and learning all about you.

I will always wonder and pray for your birth mom and foster family.

I pray blessing for them.

But for now, I dream of you. I wait for you. I pray for you to come home soon.