Let it go

Do you believe in signs? I beginning to think i cannot deny them anymore.
I have been beat over the head this past month or so with the same message in many forms over and over again...."Let it go".

I'm stubborn by nature (as most of you who read this already know) and I don't really trust people or ideas very easily. I do not let my guard down for anyone, I've been hurt too many times and learned over the years that it is easier to please the world than it is to please myself (a lyric from the new Leann Rimes song. Even if you are not a country fan, check out "what I cannot change". Great stuff.). This goes for anything...family, religion, friends. I just have a hard time taking that leap of faith. More and more lately my argument for this way of life is vanishing and I think I know why.

I have always had a spiritual belief in the world, but never could quite put my hands on any of it. I had a hard time trusting people who claimed to be Christians, because these were the people in my life that have hurt me the most and I guess I grouped it all together. I felt that if those people were representative of what I was supposed to be, I wanted no part of it. It's taken me a long time to let go of that prejudice and for me to understand it's not my place to judge.

I cannot shake the feeling I have had. I know now I was wrong. I was so hung up in my own hurt, my own career, my own agenda to not see the big picture. How selfish was I not to see it right before my eyes, and thankfully there is someone just as stubborn as me who would not give up on me.

I cannot believe how much it took to open my eyes: years of abuse, hopes that didn't come true, illnesses and odds that I couldn't conceive. All the while I am thinking "Why me? What did I ever do?" It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.

I didn't let it go.

I held it inside instead of reaching out in prayer. I guarded my heart instead of letting it go freely. I convinced myself I knew what was best when I didn't have a clue in the world what I was doing.

Now comes the hard part, applying this to my life. I'm in for some big changes, but good ones. Here I go, taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and letting it go............

Imagination Games

So, along with all of the great gifts Kyleigh got for her birthday, her Grandma gave her a book called "The Daring Book for Girls". It's filled with fun stuff that every girl needs to know, back when it was OK to play out in the neighborhood and everyone wasn't completely addicted to video games. Personally, my house is a no video game zone, we don't own any, but I'm not one of those moms that is obsessive about it. I just think my girls can figure out better ways to have fun, play and spend their time than in front of a TV all day. Oh trust me, they get their TV fix, but it is cut off at a certain time, or it's just music playing.

I thought I would share some of the fun games my girls have come up with. All of these were played just this afternoon together!

Blue Barrel Rodeo - See picture below. You take out all of the stuffed animals from the blue bucket that stores them and have one girl get inside (she powers the barrel). The other sister jumps on top and tries to stay on as the "power" is rolling her back and forth. Hours of fun.



Stacking towers - This also requires toy storage materials. Get those colored bins that hold all of the toys and dump them out on the floor. See who can stack the remaining bins the highest. Of course, the funnest part of this is who can make the most dramatic fall!

Mom and baby - A definite stand in my house. Reece is baby, Kyleigh is mommy. Helps her deal with control issues :-)

Chase - around the coffee table just fast enough to make mom have a heart attack and think she will be going to the emergency room any minute for a cracked skull

Dance off - Self explanatory. Have mom turn the TV to the dance channel. Boogie down.

Concert - Grab the microphone and stand (guitar optional) and just make up the words as you go. Have the 3 year old be a crazed fan.

Of course when all is finished, a game of toy basketball to get everything back in the buckets/bins is in order.

Remember what we played when we were little and too busy for TV? I know I loved the field across from my house right after they had cropped it dry. There were always nice dirt balls perfect for belting my neighbor with ( I was a vicious tomboy!)

How about you?

Kyleigh

One of my favorites!

At 12:16pm on October 31, 2002, my life was forever changed.

Kyleigh Nicole Byers was announced to a room full of family screaming "it's a girl!" (yes, I'm old fashioned and didn't want to know the sex :-)

Our life was pretty crazy back then. I had just graduated college that May and was still working at good ol' TGI Friday's (because no one wants to hire the pregnant chick) and of course, Bobby was working at Lowes. We had just bought a house and had no money and no idea really what we were doing or what we were up against. What we did know was that we loved each other more than anything and we now were the proud parents of a beautiful little baby girl.

Yeah, you've all heard the stories about how kids change your lives forever, to some, this is enough to make them run the other direction screaming, but it's all about perception I was just telling someone this week. For me, it could have been scary not ever having been around babies before and not having a clue what I was doing, having just bought a house and not having a job, having a husband that has to work a lot with his job.....but it wasn't that way. It brought me a sense of peace and freedom. The adult freedoms I lost were nothing compared to the mental freedom I gained. Kyleigh's life is the turning point in mine. She brought me and my dad back together, she opened up old wounds that needed to be healed between my mother (still working on that), she showed me a side of my husband I would have never seen otherwise. She made all of the bitterness I carried with me until that day...weighing me down, controlling every move I made, burn away. I am amazed at how much she did in that one day, without a word said.

I simply cannot explain the love I have for her in words.

Kyleigh is her own personality....always asking questions and will not be satisfied until she gets a good one (because I said so does NOT work with this child!). She's shy and introverted. She contemplates everything, she is always looking at things from different angles. Kyleigh is stubborn, and not just because she is 6. She's always been this way, wanting to have her own adventure and learn things for herself. Kyleigh is very loving, but doesn't always show it as freely as others. In the most unexpected moments it happens (in the car the other day she told me she liked watching the clouds. I thought it was sweet and asked her why. Her response, "because my Granny lives up there and I wanted to see her". Uh, tear.)

I hope that I will be able to give back to her everything she has given to me and I hope that I can live my life the way she has taught me to: give unconditional love, forgive because accidents happen, contemplate how things work and why, always be good to nature, make mistakes because that is how we learn and be stubborn and stand your ground...sometimes we are right!

Dressing up as High School Musical's biggest fan

Big Sister! (yes, Reece picked out her own costume this year :-)