Thursday, December 31, 2009

Merry Christmas

Wanted to share this with all of my adopting friends out there. This song was written by the drummer of Third Day a couple of years ago. They adopted a little girl from China. Please listen to the words as I know they will touch your hearts like they have mine. Hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

2010 here we come!!!

And I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions (usually because sadly I break them within the first month!), but this year I'm posting changes, hopes and dreams I hope to come true for myself and our family this year. Maybe if I put it on paper, I will be more likely to stick with them! So in completely random order.....

~ Volunteering/Supporting other people/families more.
We do participate in Relay for Life, Habitat for Humanity, support our local and national food bank and well as a local Christian radio station, however I feel like there is so much more we can do. I want to get more hands on and really open my girls eyes to how blessed they are. I want to help more in our church, community, state, country and world. I really pray we get even more opportunity this year to help in ways we could never imagine.

~ Stop worrying about the adoption.
I totally believe God's hand is in our adoption every step of the way. He has a plan, He knows exactly what is going to happen, He is watching over all of this. While we followed where God is leading us, I also need to let my emotions follow as well.

~ Be concerned with the NOW only
No more battling the past, no more worrying about the future. I want to enjoy everyday for the gift it is. I feel like I miss out on so much because my mind is not where it should be.

~ Work with the girls more on bickering and tattletelling
I'm sure all of you that already have children may be snickering at this one...I can dream can't I? :-)

~ Get in a comfortable place in my career
Not sure yet what this means.

~ Get our referral (and even better have our son home!)
Wouldn't that be awesome?!

~ Get Reece ready for Kindergarten by working on her reading.
Great on her letters and picking up her sounds getting her to sit still to work on it longer than 5 minutes is another issue....

~ Have at least one romantic getaway with my husband
I don't care if it's down the road or far away, just one weekend...please!

I feel like this is quite a to do list, but doable at the same time (except for the referral--kind of out of my hands!)

Any big ones for you on this New Year's Eve?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Ok, so I do really well trying not to think about the adoption when I am so busy on a day to day basis (a slight white lie here, but I'm trying!)...but these last fews weeks it's been harder and harder.

On Christmas, I was thinking about him...wondering what his birth mom was doing, if they were safe, warm, cared for. Yes, I know this is absolutley crazy to let your mind wonder about someone you have never even met and don't even know when you are going to meet, but I cannot help it. I'm guessing according to the timeline right now that his birth mom is pregnant with him. I cannot imagine the weight of the decisions she is making right now. She could have easily aborted him, but she didn't...and I know we both want to give him everything life can offer. The opportunity to grow strong and be loved and learn and become his own person.

I think about my very dear friend Meredith who is leaving next week for Ethopia to meet her son...all of the emotions, wonder, fear and love she must be feeling at the same time. To be with someone from beginning to end of an adoption journey has been absolutely amazing and inspiring...I cannot wait to get my hands on him and kiss him myself!

And it's not just me. Many many times out of the blue Kyleigh and Reece will talk about him. If we go out to eat somewhere, they will point out we will be a party of 5 when baby brother gets much longer mommy...I want to save these stuffed animals for big will he be...soon you will have 3 to clean up for mommy! (that one has been my recent favorite comment!).

For now, we sit and we all absolutely love and adore this precious child whom we have never met...who is on the other side of the world right now...who may be facing struggles and heartache we will never understand...and we wait....for our son to come home.

Friday, December 25, 2009

I've been trying to post.....

but we have been incredibly busy this past month! December is typically the busiest month for my job and this one proved no different. I cannot remember a crazier time than I've ever had this past month! So glad I decided to take a week off at Christmas because I sure needed it!

This past week off has been like no other. We went to our hometown last Thursday and stayed through Sunday. Luckily our parents live only 5 minutes from each other, so it makes those home visits very easy. The girls had a blast seeing their family and it warms my heart how excited they get over their grandparents. We are still working on the gratitude part of Christmas, much better than last year, but still slow strides as far as I'm concerned. I'm having a hard time finding the middle ground between them being young and enjoying the magic of Christmas, but also understanding that presents cost money and the time, thought and sacrifice behind them. It's a work in progress I guess!

It was just the girls and I for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I spent most of these days enjoying them, cleaning up, laundry and breaking up those squabbles that happen when you have spent WAY too much time with your sister a week straight! But, I have to say how wonderful it was to sit down every night and just relax. I honestly cannot remember the last time I really did that....not thinking about what was due the next day or how in the world I was going to get everything done. I just enjoyed my family one day at a time.

Bobby was off on Christmas eve and we decided to do a big family day of fun. We went to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks (which was something. I haven't taken them to a movie together in over a year) and then we played putt putt. It got a little cold there at the end, but it was so much fun! I usually am horrible at putt putt, but ended up with 3 holes in one and each of the girls got one too (sorry daddy!). We got some ice cream and then headed off to the Christmas eve service at our church, which was absolutely great. We got home and left our food for santa and his reindeer and actually all went to bed without any problems! (last year Reece hid under the table in the living room...blankets and all!).

This morning was a flurry of wrapping paper and excited smiles. We didn't go crazy like we did in years past, lots of smaller things. Their big present was a radio/karoye machine...which much to our ears dismay has already had much play today :-)

Pugsley thought Christmas started much too early in the morning

Excited Reece

The vet Barbie Kyleigh wanted

Daddy showing Reece how to crush cars with her new monster truck!

I told myself all day to focus on the happiness of the day. It's so hard not to look back at last Christmas....and there are a lot of sad memories. This time last year I was putting out a missing persons warrant for my dad because no one could find him. Tomorrow he would go into the hospital and never come back out except to be moved to hospice only a week later because the cancer would spread so quickly. Today would begin 3 weeks of heartache and even harder decisions.

But, with all of that, I also have to focus on what was going on behind all of that. It's no secret my dad and I had a jaded past and had just reunited our relationships a few years past. So many feelings had resulted from our recent move and I was clinging to anything I could to make it through. Just two weeks before Christmas I wrote letters to my dad, my mom and my step dad. Very personal letters, letters of open forgiveness and sharing feelings I never had before. I was moved to do it. I let it all go. When everything started happening with my dad, I almost ripped them all up, thinking the time wasn't right. But it was. God starting moving in my life in a most awesome way last December (he's always being moving in my life, I had just been too blind to see it!) I gave my parents those letters and spent my last night with my dad....reading his letter to him, his eyes closed shut and tears coming out. I kissed him and told him how much I loved him, how much I would miss him, how thankful I was that God had brought us back together after all of those years. He wasn't able to talk or even open his eyes at that point, but I know he heard me. He squeezed my hand and I sat there with him and just cried.

After all of the presents were open this morning, we started calling everyone so the girls could tell them what they got for Christmas. I cannot lie I had to choke back a tear going past my dad's name in my phone (I just don't have the heart to delete silly as that sounds). But, this Christmas, I don't have to worry and wonder where he is. He is in the safest place any of us could ever imagine, right in God's arms.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas and remember the most precious gift we have all received this very night....Jesus was born to save us. All we have to do is receive His gift. Won't you receive it tonight if you haven't before?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Not sure what kind of funk is going around here, but it has hit our house. Last night, my lower back felt like I had been beaten with several baseball bats, I didn't even want a massage :-( After Alieve, hot shower, and snuggling in bed, I finally got comfortable enough to fall asleep. I'm so happy to be feeling a little better today. Poor Reece has had the runny nose for days now with no end in sight (and the red-raw nose and snot covered shirt sleeves that go along with to you break them from using their sleeves instead of tissues that are right there anyway!!!!). Oh how I love winter! Hope you all are doing alright and missing out on this stuff!