Sideways,

backwards, forwards, up, down...any way you look at it, it had to happen.

I've been doing some wrestling and struggling lately, well, for months really. Wresting with God, with what I think my life goals should be, what I should be doing with my life. I cannot describe in words what it is like to have everything you thought you wanted all of a sudden vanish as if it was never important after all. It's all been a huge April Fool's joke....and God has slowly been opening my eyes to it. I bought into the notion that I needed to do whatever I could to move up in my job...whatever the cost, working late, taking in the stress, doing what they asked me to. It was important to make the money to give my kids every opportunity....but what if the opportunities they wanted and needed were different than what I thought?

What if they just wanted the opportunity to have 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with me after a long day of school to just color or talk? What if they wanted the opportunity to come home to a mom that wasn't already stressed out from her day? Or the opportunity to watch their mom live by example....instead of just voicing to them what is important. These things I feel are so much more important than being able to buy them the latest clothes or go on trips every year. My career was becoming a shadow of what my real job should be....a mom and wife.

A support to my husband who I love more than anything in this world. Being there to get Reece ready for Kindergarten, to challenge Kyleigh and to welcome our son home. Having the time to cook and bake like I want to for my family. Having time to LIVE what I believe, instead of just preaching to my kids about it.

So, you may have guessed it by now, but as of April 21st, I will be no longer working 50+ hour weeks, stressing over deadlines that are completely out of my control, wishing I could take a break and enjoy the day...but staying chained to my computer. April 22nd will begin a new journey for our family.

This is a COMPLETE leap of faith, but I've felt this for a long time. It has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done to let this job go. It wasn't a decision made lightly. I have agonized over it for months, praying and going over our finances again and again. My amazing husband though? Absolutely no hesitation....he just wants me to be happy. Tell me again how lucky I am? I have thrown my entire life up to see where God takes it....and I'm excited to see where it goes! I am really looking forward to having Reece home with me and being with the girls this summer. I have so many things I want to do to get them ready for the next school year! And I hope to be more involved in scouts, school and pretty much anything they get into...as well as being home with our son!!!

I will be looking for something I can do very part time from home just to supplement a bit, but I know it will all work out. I've already found a few options, I just need to make a decision :-)

Anyway, that's been the big deal around here lately! Huge life changes for us again this year!

I've wanted to write...

but I've been incredibly busy this past month! March feels like a complete whirlwind, but lots of great things have happened! I wish I had some great adoption news to share, but there haven't been any referrals since the beginning/middle of February. Now they are possibly quoting up to 30 months waiting for healthy infant girls! We've seen such a change in the length of the waiting period since we began last June, but we continue to pray for patience and know that the child that is meant to be ours, will be. We are still hoping to get our referral for a boy sometime in October/November.

I have made my friends laugh by telling them my house looks like an episode of hoarders...no, really. February and March I was blessed and overwhelmed by an outpouring of stuffed animal donations...and they continue to come in strong. I'm estimating over a thousand in my house right now! I'm really hoping things slow down a bit so I can do an animal marathon and get them cleaned up and shipped out to Haiti where they are truly needed!

At the beginning of the month, Bobby went to the National Lowes Convention. He was completely blown away to learn he received the store manager of the year award for his region....what an honor! He was really humbled by it all, especially since he truly loves what he does. Anyway, he gets to have a party and everything at his store next month, how fun!

My job has been crazy. Been working a lot of extra hours, which equals extra frustration to me. Lots of stuff going on in the background on this one...that's a post for another day!

The girls are doing great. Kyleigh got glasses this month and looks so cute! Of course Reece felt left out because she didn't have glasses, so the wonderful lady at the doctor gave us a display pair for her...she wears them proudly...even with the wording on the "lenses" ;-)

Kyleigh has really been doing well in school, so well in fact that I am concerned she is not being challenged enough. I have heard from two or three separate folks in the school the same concern with her. She is consistently reading at 2 or 3 grade levels above 1st grade. They have reading groups split up among the grades and I asked what happens when she is at or above 5th grade in her school....no response. I just don't want her to get bored and start getting in trouble or lose her passion for school in general. I've also been told she has been given a "buddy" to watch over. There is another child in her class with ADHD and Kyleigh is responsible for helping him with his work...get him started...helping him along and also helping the teachers. While I appreciate the fact that she is learning to help others and being a great help to her teachers, I don't want that kind of pressure on her. She takes responsibility very seriously...if he doesn't do well, she will take it personal. Phew, I'll be glad when this school year is over!

Bobby has been doing his autocross and having a great time. They've done two races so far. I just think it's a great opportunity for him and his brother to have that time together. I'm sure our son will enjoy it one day too..or heck, even Reece would love to be out there!

Anyway, there have been some long, serious conversations going on in our house over some changes that need to be made. We are close to working out the final tweaks and I will be so happy to report the good news once I am able too!

Hope everyone is well!

It doesn't matter how bad my day is....

So, I've taken a few days away from blogging. I've been doing a lot thinking and praying about a lot of different things. You know when you feel that changes need to be made, but you are not sure what kind of changes or how to even do it? Wouldn't it be nice to get a mission statement from God along with clear instructions?

When you are a new person in God, you leave your past behind...you are literally a brand new being in His eyes. It seems a lot of the time that God has an easier time letting go of that than we do. Oh, we do really well for a while, and then those old thoughts and feelings start trying to make their way in....and it's hard not to just slip back into that same old same old. So, needless to say I have done some wrestling with myself these last few weeks, but I have come out renewed, and I think that is the important part.

I've had some really tough days at work lately...well, the last year actually and today is no different. Just when I have had it, just when I am ready to blow my top...I know I need to take a break. Kyleigh had a teacher workday today, so she is home with me and I go to hang out with her and clear my mind a bit. I LOVE God's perfect timing.

What has Kyleigh been working on while I've been fighting back anger and tears from this job you ask? A song. She has pulled out her guitar and pen and pencil and was writing her very first song.

It really reached a special place in my heart and I thought I would share it with everyone today. Just what I needed and hopefully what you need as well. Original words (and spelling!) by Kyleigh.......

I know God from my hart.

I know Jeases from hevan and you can know them to if you sing this song.

You might migt know more abawt them in your hart.

You can sing this song in your hart.

I know Jeases and God and you will too if you sing this song.

It's doesn't matter how bad my day is. It doesn't matter that I have no clue what to do right now. Kyleigh tells me all that matters is knowing God in my heart.