backwards, forwards, up, down...any way you look at it, it had to happen.
I've been doing some wrestling and struggling lately, well, for months really. Wresting with God, with what I think my life goals should be, what I should be doing with my life. I cannot describe in words what it is like to have everything you thought you wanted all of a sudden vanish as if it was never important after all. It's all been a huge April Fool's joke....and God has slowly been opening my eyes to it. I bought into the notion that I needed to do whatever I could to move up in my job...whatever the cost, working late, taking in the stress, doing what they asked me to. It was important to make the money to give my kids every opportunity....but what if the opportunities they wanted and needed were different than what I thought?
What if they just wanted the opportunity to have 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with me after a long day of school to just color or talk? What if they wanted the opportunity to come home to a mom that wasn't already stressed out from her day? Or the opportunity to watch their mom live by example....instead of just voicing to them what is important. These things I feel are so much more important than being able to buy them the latest clothes or go on trips every year. My career was becoming a shadow of what my real job should be....a mom and wife.
A support to my husband who I love more than anything in this world. Being there to get Reece ready for Kindergarten, to challenge Kyleigh and to welcome our son home. Having the time to cook and bake like I want to for my family. Having time to LIVE what I believe, instead of just preaching to my kids about it.
So, you may have guessed it by now, but as of April 21st, I will be no longer working 50+ hour weeks, stressing over deadlines that are completely out of my control, wishing I could take a break and enjoy the day...but staying chained to my computer. April 22nd will begin a new journey for our family.
This is a COMPLETE leap of faith, but I've felt this for a long time. It has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done to let this job go. It wasn't a decision made lightly. I have agonized over it for months, praying and going over our finances again and again. My amazing husband though? Absolutely no hesitation....he just wants me to be happy. Tell me again how lucky I am? I have thrown my entire life up to see where God takes it....and I'm excited to see where it goes! I am really looking forward to having Reece home with me and being with the girls this summer. I have so many things I want to do to get them ready for the next school year! And I hope to be more involved in scouts, school and pretty much anything they get into...as well as being home with our son!!!
I will be looking for something I can do very part time from home just to supplement a bit, but I know it will all work out. I've already found a few options, I just need to make a decision :-)
Anyway, that's been the big deal around here lately! Huge life changes for us again this year!
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