Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Updates from our crazy life

hey guys, thought I would post some updates since it's been such a crazy week!

Dad was granted Mercy last Wednesday by finding out some positive news about his CAT scan. The cancer in his lymph nodes is no longer detectable and there are just a couple of spots now that are still showing up in his liver and lungs. It was so great to hear that positivity in his voice! He was talking a lot about how fortunate he was to not have as many severe effects from the chemo as most others do, I was selfishly thinking how fortunate I was to have more time with him. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers and I hope that you will keep them coming! He will do one more cycle in November and then another CAT scan to decide what they want to do from there.

Kyleigh's 6th birthday party went great on Sunday! We had about 10 kids come and join us for a party at the movie theatre to take in the new High School Musical 3. A special thanks to my wonderful husband for sitting through a 2 hour musical just for the love of his daughter :-)
I cannot believe how fast these past 6 years have happened. I will be writing a post just about her in honor of her birthday this Friday.

And yes, I turned 29 on Monday. who hoo! I like to reflect on every birthday and be thankful (kind of like folks do during Thanksgiving). I'd like to give thanks for another year of unexpected events and unanswered prayers. After 29 years I find I am still learning that I don't always know everything! Thanks for keeping me guessing. And thanks to my husband for dealing with my craziness these past few months. This move hasn't always been easy for me, but his strength has helped me realize what a good move it was. Thanks to all of my friends for just listening this past year. I have cried to you, laughed with you and missed you all terribly. Thanks to my family for your support and understanding. I hope that 29 is filled with as much excitement, joy and reflection as 28 has been.

I'd also like to leave this post in memory of Bobby's grandmother, Nora, who passed away this year. She was known for always remembering everyone's birthday and sending a card. This birthday was not the same without a card from granny Nora.

The Wilmington BFF gang: Alix, Jordan, Betsy and Kyleigh

In front of her favorite, Sharpay!

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Kite Runner

So, I bought this book along with several others a few months ago and have saved this one as the last, mostly because it was considerably longer than the others and I usually cannot find time to read more than 3 or so pages at a time!
I started it last week and finished it yesterday and I have to say it is one of the best books I have ever read. It is the story of a boy's childhood in Kabal, a country near Afghanistan, and it follows him and his experiences throughout his life well into his 30's. I could not put it down! There were so many twists and turns and shocking moments, I ended up taking the time to read over 100 pages in one sitting, which because I am such a book dork was a big treat for me. Most importantly, it taught the lesson that is it never too late to do the right thing no matter what has happened in your life.
I do not want to give away anything that happens, but if you enjoy a great story like I do, make the time to pick this one up. You will not be disappointed!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Little white lies

Omissions. No, not the ones coming out of your car stinking up the environment, those little omissions you conveniently leave out. Little white lies. Most folks would say a lie is a lie no matter what. But what if it is to protect someone? How about lying to yourself?

I know I have been guilty of both of these.

I found myself being lied to this weekend by my dad. I know it well, the lie to protect by omission. It's the first time I have seen him in two chemo cycles and he was tired. Usually he is tearing the phone up calling to see when he is able to come over to see the girls, but on Saturday the whole day went by and no word from him. Finally at 4:30 I called out of worry and he said he was just giving my mom time with the girls.....a lie to protect. It was almost like he was avoiding it, not that he didn't want to see us and spend time with us, but he knew what I would know when I saw him. I still think it's funny how we have not been close until the last 6 years and I can almost read his mind and know what he is thinking when I see him. I am so thankful for our ability to be "in sync" with each other. But, he did come for a little bit and we got to eat lunch and spend some time together today as well, which was definitely a treat.

And lies to ourselves....this is a major one for me. Lying to myself telling me I can hold it all together, lying to myself telling me I can forget things in the past...that they don't affect me today. These are easy to catch in other people as well, when they do noble and thoughtful things, but for the glory of it for themselves and not for the true meaning behind them. Lying to themselves that they are paving the way to Heaven by doing good deeds, but choosing to create their own glory for themselves on earth instead of earning it in Heaven.

Forgive me for getting religious for those of you that read and are listening to me rant, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Lies hurt. No matter the reason, no matter the situation. There is no good reason not to be completely honest with people, and more importantly with yourself. If you are sick and hurting, why not let go of that pride and reach out? Emotionally or physically, we all need to let go of ourselves and our pride and be honest. Are we really protecting the people we love when it is tearing us apart?

This is a "new years resolution" I am not waiting for. It's going to be a slow process, but one I think will be worth it. I hope you will all join me in letting a little more honesty in your life and seeing where it leads you.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Shine on

So, I've been working at home for almost a month now and really starting to get into my groove. I have to admit, it wasn't as smooth as I thought it was going to be. This week, I have realized something profound about myself.

Last week on vacation as Bobby and I were enjoying the hot tub, we found ourselves talking about the future, and about our careers. When I was growing up, I could never decide what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to impact people, I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to do something important. As I started talking about the new path I have taken this year, I began to hear a tone in my voice I have not heard in a while....restlessness. Now, don't get me wrong, I am PLENTY busy, but with my previous position I was in constant motion and pulled in a thousand different directions. That is where I felt I would shine, put me in a difficult situation, while others would complain, I secretly loved it. What I didn't realize was I was allowing it to validate who I was.

Without that constant "in your face office" everyday, I had come to feel like less of a person. I was almost depressed. How could I have let a job symbolize who I was?

I once had a person that worked for me tell me in a conversation about our company that she felt the priorities were all wrong, that we were putting our jobs/careers over everything and that she only answered to God. As a manager, that put me in a difficult situation and I know now I really missed the point she was trying to make. In her own way, I think she saw it in me even then and was trying to reach out (if you are reading this, sorry it took me so long to come around!).

I am very blessed to be working for a company that works everyday to save lives. Our CEO is generous and kind, something that seems to be few and far between these days. I have been given an opportunity that has allowed me to stay and continue to grow with them. For that, I am forever grateful.

Just a word to the wise to all of those career junkies, it is important, but don't let it validate who you are or who you want to be. Find that thing that makes you get up with the sun every morning. Find your own way to shine, don't depend on someone else to give you that "artificial light". It causes cancer you know.