Merry Christmas everyone. Today started like any other Christmas in a house with kids, wrapping paper everywhere, lots of noise, pictures and cleaning. It really was a great Christmas for the girls, but in the mist of everything, I couldn't shake a feeling I had since yesterday.
I talked to my Dad yesterday at lunch. It was by far the most strange conversation we have had. He was determined about getting out and getting presents for the girls, even though I repeated to him, every 2 minutes it seemed, that I had already done his Christmas shopping for him. Then he said he hoped he didn't get into a wreck, that his feet had not been working. Puzzled by this, I asked him what he meant. "Well, they just don't listen to me anymore. I tell them to go one way and they just go the other". This upset me for two reasons...1- my dad usually doesn't talk like my 3 year old and 2- lack of coordination along with the short term memory loss that was obviously affecting him at the time are neurological symptoms. We said our I love you's and I asked him one more time not to get out.
That was the last any of us have heard from him.
I waited to call about 9 this morning to give him time to sleep in to wish him a Merry Christmas, shocked that he hadn't already called to talk to the girls. No answer. I called again at 11. No answer. I continued to call pretty much every hour on the hour after that. I got pretty worried by late afternoon and called my grandmother. He was supposed to be at her house for Christmas lunch/dinner. He never showed and had not answered the phone for her either. My father in law was nice enough to go out to his home to check on him, but his car was gone and no one answered the door. Still no answer on his phone. By 6 tonight, I was calling the police to file a missing person's report. The deputy was extremely nice and went out with a crew to his house to check things out. He is usually in bed exhausted by 8.....it's 8:03 now. Still no word. They have put out a report with all departments state wide and a "silver alert" which is equivalent to the amber alert.
Where could he be? I couldn't shake this feeling all day and now I just worry that the worst has happened. Is he alone? Did he get into an accident? There are no reports for him at the hospitals. No one has seen him for days and yesterday, I was the last one to talk to him. I have been praying that God is with him, where ever he is, looking over him keeping him safe and not fearful.
Everyone out there who reads this, even if it's only two of you, please pray for my Dad. Please pray that we find him soon. Please pray that he is safe.
I don't want that to be the last I love you I say to him.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Nature's Cure
"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea."
Thought I would share one of my most favorite quotes because it rings true no matter the situation.
How good have you felt after putting a little "sweat equity" into something? Maybe it's that healthy body you want (where mine is coming from now) or that house project you have been wanting to finish. Nothing is better than wiping that sweat after a workout and having a completely clear mind.
Or how about those tears? Our body's physical result of our emotions. I was feeling pretty down earlier this week...missing just seeing people. Missing the excitement of my day which has fallen into predictable monotony. It was still weighting heavy on my mind at dinner when Reece was sitting and playing with her roll instead of eating it. She finally spoke up and told us she was making a face, but she couldn't make the "smell holes" (aka nose). Ah, tears of joy at her innocence...almost instantly healing that hurt.
And the sea. The sea represents my reconciliation with my dad. Just the smell of it brings a calm and smile to my face.
What a simply natural, wonderful thing salt water is in all it's forms...and it's one of those things we take for granted everyday.
Thought I would share one of my most favorite quotes because it rings true no matter the situation.
How good have you felt after putting a little "sweat equity" into something? Maybe it's that healthy body you want (where mine is coming from now) or that house project you have been wanting to finish. Nothing is better than wiping that sweat after a workout and having a completely clear mind.
Or how about those tears? Our body's physical result of our emotions. I was feeling pretty down earlier this week...missing just seeing people. Missing the excitement of my day which has fallen into predictable monotony. It was still weighting heavy on my mind at dinner when Reece was sitting and playing with her roll instead of eating it. She finally spoke up and told us she was making a face, but she couldn't make the "smell holes" (aka nose). Ah, tears of joy at her innocence...almost instantly healing that hurt.
And the sea. The sea represents my reconciliation with my dad. Just the smell of it brings a calm and smile to my face.
What a simply natural, wonderful thing salt water is in all it's forms...and it's one of those things we take for granted everyday.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
A New State of Mind
So, it's been awhile since I have blogged. From my last entry, I have been trying to really shake up my previous state of mind. I was wrapped up in myself, my work, my calendar, my family and my life situation. It's a pity and shame everything I have missed devoting my entire life to the past or worrying about the future. I have missed out on the greatest gift....the present. Why worry with the past? By continuing to let it affect me, I have continued to let those same situations and people hurt me, even when it's all over. And, I have discovered I play the "victim" role pretty well. I am amazed at how much of my life was connected to that, my own self pity and doubts and what an impact it made on my family. And the future, I cannot tell you how many times I have lied awake worrying about money or my kids or my job or my family. Why? Did my worry-filled nights change anything but my ability to function the next day? No, because the future is not in my hands, I have to let it go and trust that God's plan is the best possible future I could ever have. It is something to look forward too, not lose sleep over.
I cannot even begin to describe how my world has been changing these last few weeks. I am still struggling with not making my work a symbol of myself, to not need that to validate who I am, but no one said this would be easy. My biggest gain has been my clear state of mind. Thanksgiving with all of the family in my house and me doing all of the cooking while entertaining would have drove me to shots of alcohol last year (only slightly kidding here), but this year it was the best Thanksgiving I have ever had. I just enjoyed the "now". I didn't worry about all of the things that had happened before with my parents, I didn't worry about if this would be the last Thanksgiving I would spend with my dad, I just enjoyed it as it was. I am really noticing my kids and my husband, those little things that might have been lost in the everyday shuffle of trying to get everything done. I am looking them in the eye when they speak to me instead of doing something else at the same time and only half way listening. I am talking with Kyleigh about the journey I am going through. We are doing this together, as I fear I have taught her selfish ways just by watching me. It's funny, of all of the questions to ask about God, she wanted to know what kind of clothes he wears :-) It just brought a smile to my face that she didn't question any of the things most of us did, there was no need because she already knew all of it to be true.
We went this weekend and bought toys at Walmart to drop off at the local toys for tots campaign in Shallotte. At first, Kyleigh was very turned off by the fact that we were buying brand new toys for other kids she didn't even know and she wasn't getting anything. I was so frustrated. I really wanted her to understand the important of giving back without getting anything in return. So, we were finally checking out and Reece looked at the cashier and said "Look at all the toys we bought!". The cashier asked if they were all for her and her sister and Reece replied "No, we are getting them for other little girls and boys who might not get anything for Christmas, because it's just nice to share". bye bye frustration and hello tears! I cannot tell you how proud they were to put those toys in that box and how proud I was that our family is moving in the right direction.
I cannot even begin to describe how my world has been changing these last few weeks. I am still struggling with not making my work a symbol of myself, to not need that to validate who I am, but no one said this would be easy. My biggest gain has been my clear state of mind. Thanksgiving with all of the family in my house and me doing all of the cooking while entertaining would have drove me to shots of alcohol last year (only slightly kidding here), but this year it was the best Thanksgiving I have ever had. I just enjoyed the "now". I didn't worry about all of the things that had happened before with my parents, I didn't worry about if this would be the last Thanksgiving I would spend with my dad, I just enjoyed it as it was. I am really noticing my kids and my husband, those little things that might have been lost in the everyday shuffle of trying to get everything done. I am looking them in the eye when they speak to me instead of doing something else at the same time and only half way listening. I am talking with Kyleigh about the journey I am going through. We are doing this together, as I fear I have taught her selfish ways just by watching me. It's funny, of all of the questions to ask about God, she wanted to know what kind of clothes he wears :-) It just brought a smile to my face that she didn't question any of the things most of us did, there was no need because she already knew all of it to be true.
We went this weekend and bought toys at Walmart to drop off at the local toys for tots campaign in Shallotte. At first, Kyleigh was very turned off by the fact that we were buying brand new toys for other kids she didn't even know and she wasn't getting anything. I was so frustrated. I really wanted her to understand the important of giving back without getting anything in return. So, we were finally checking out and Reece looked at the cashier and said "Look at all the toys we bought!". The cashier asked if they were all for her and her sister and Reece replied "No, we are getting them for other little girls and boys who might not get anything for Christmas, because it's just nice to share". bye bye frustration and hello tears! I cannot tell you how proud they were to put those toys in that box and how proud I was that our family is moving in the right direction.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Let it go
Do you believe in signs? I beginning to think i cannot deny them anymore.
I have been beat over the head this past month or so with the same message in many forms over and over again...."Let it go".
I'm stubborn by nature (as most of you who read this already know) and I don't really trust people or ideas very easily. I do not let my guard down for anyone, I've been hurt too many times and learned over the years that it is easier to please the world than it is to please myself (a lyric from the new Leann Rimes song. Even if you are not a country fan, check out "what I cannot change". Great stuff.). This goes for anything...family, religion, friends. I just have a hard time taking that leap of faith. More and more lately my argument for this way of life is vanishing and I think I know why.
I have always had a spiritual belief in the world, but never could quite put my hands on any of it. I had a hard time trusting people who claimed to be Christians, because these were the people in my life that have hurt me the most and I guess I grouped it all together. I felt that if those people were representative of what I was supposed to be, I wanted no part of it. It's taken me a long time to let go of that prejudice and for me to understand it's not my place to judge.
I cannot shake the feeling I have had. I know now I was wrong. I was so hung up in my own hurt, my own career, my own agenda to not see the big picture. How selfish was I not to see it right before my eyes, and thankfully there is someone just as stubborn as me who would not give up on me.
I cannot believe how much it took to open my eyes: years of abuse, hopes that didn't come true, illnesses and odds that I couldn't conceive. All the while I am thinking "Why me? What did I ever do?" It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.
I didn't let it go.
I held it inside instead of reaching out in prayer. I guarded my heart instead of letting it go freely. I convinced myself I knew what was best when I didn't have a clue in the world what I was doing.
Now comes the hard part, applying this to my life. I'm in for some big changes, but good ones. Here I go, taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and letting it go............
I have been beat over the head this past month or so with the same message in many forms over and over again...."Let it go".
I'm stubborn by nature (as most of you who read this already know) and I don't really trust people or ideas very easily. I do not let my guard down for anyone, I've been hurt too many times and learned over the years that it is easier to please the world than it is to please myself (a lyric from the new Leann Rimes song. Even if you are not a country fan, check out "what I cannot change". Great stuff.). This goes for anything...family, religion, friends. I just have a hard time taking that leap of faith. More and more lately my argument for this way of life is vanishing and I think I know why.
I have always had a spiritual belief in the world, but never could quite put my hands on any of it. I had a hard time trusting people who claimed to be Christians, because these were the people in my life that have hurt me the most and I guess I grouped it all together. I felt that if those people were representative of what I was supposed to be, I wanted no part of it. It's taken me a long time to let go of that prejudice and for me to understand it's not my place to judge.
I cannot shake the feeling I have had. I know now I was wrong. I was so hung up in my own hurt, my own career, my own agenda to not see the big picture. How selfish was I not to see it right before my eyes, and thankfully there is someone just as stubborn as me who would not give up on me.
I cannot believe how much it took to open my eyes: years of abuse, hopes that didn't come true, illnesses and odds that I couldn't conceive. All the while I am thinking "Why me? What did I ever do?" It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.
I didn't let it go.
I held it inside instead of reaching out in prayer. I guarded my heart instead of letting it go freely. I convinced myself I knew what was best when I didn't have a clue in the world what I was doing.
Now comes the hard part, applying this to my life. I'm in for some big changes, but good ones. Here I go, taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and letting it go............
Monday, November 3, 2008
Imagination Games
So, along with all of the great gifts Kyleigh got for her birthday, her Grandma gave her a book called "The Daring Book for Girls". It's filled with fun stuff that every girl needs to know, back when it was OK to play out in the neighborhood and everyone wasn't completely addicted to video games. Personally, my house is a no video game zone, we don't own any, but I'm not one of those moms that is obsessive about it. I just think my girls can figure out better ways to have fun, play and spend their time than in front of a TV all day. Oh trust me, they get their TV fix, but it is cut off at a certain time, or it's just music playing.
I thought I would share some of the fun games my girls have come up with. All of these were played just this afternoon together!
Blue Barrel Rodeo - See picture below. You take out all of the stuffed animals from the blue bucket that stores them and have one girl get inside (she powers the barrel). The other sister jumps on top and tries to stay on as the "power" is rolling her back and forth. Hours of fun.
Stacking towers - This also requires toy storage materials. Get those colored bins that hold all of the toys and dump them out on the floor. See who can stack the remaining bins the highest. Of course, the funnest part of this is who can make the most dramatic fall!
Mom and baby - A definite stand in my house. Reece is baby, Kyleigh is mommy. Helps her deal with control issues :-)
Chase - around the coffee table just fast enough to make mom have a heart attack and think she will be going to the emergency room any minute for a cracked skull
Dance off - Self explanatory. Have mom turn the TV to the dance channel. Boogie down.
Concert - Grab the microphone and stand (guitar optional) and just make up the words as you go. Have the 3 year old be a crazed fan.
Of course when all is finished, a game of toy basketball to get everything back in the buckets/bins is in order.
Remember what we played when we were little and too busy for TV? I know I loved the field across from my house right after they had cropped it dry. There were always nice dirt balls perfect for belting my neighbor with ( I was a vicious tomboy!)
How about you?
I thought I would share some of the fun games my girls have come up with. All of these were played just this afternoon together!
Blue Barrel Rodeo - See picture below. You take out all of the stuffed animals from the blue bucket that stores them and have one girl get inside (she powers the barrel). The other sister jumps on top and tries to stay on as the "power" is rolling her back and forth. Hours of fun.
Stacking towers - This also requires toy storage materials. Get those colored bins that hold all of the toys and dump them out on the floor. See who can stack the remaining bins the highest. Of course, the funnest part of this is who can make the most dramatic fall!
Mom and baby - A definite stand in my house. Reece is baby, Kyleigh is mommy. Helps her deal with control issues :-)
Chase - around the coffee table just fast enough to make mom have a heart attack and think she will be going to the emergency room any minute for a cracked skull
Dance off - Self explanatory. Have mom turn the TV to the dance channel. Boogie down.
Concert - Grab the microphone and stand (guitar optional) and just make up the words as you go. Have the 3 year old be a crazed fan.
Of course when all is finished, a game of toy basketball to get everything back in the buckets/bins is in order.
Remember what we played when we were little and too busy for TV? I know I loved the field across from my house right after they had cropped it dry. There were always nice dirt balls perfect for belting my neighbor with ( I was a vicious tomboy!)
How about you?
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Kyleigh
One of my favorites!
Big Sister! (yes, Reece picked out her own costume this year :-)
At 12:16pm on October 31, 2002, my life was forever changed.
Kyleigh Nicole Byers was announced to a room full of family screaming "it's a girl!" (yes, I'm old fashioned and didn't want to know the sex :-)
Our life was pretty crazy back then. I had just graduated college that May and was still working at good ol' TGI Friday's (because no one wants to hire the pregnant chick) and of course, Bobby was working at Lowes. We had just bought a house and had no money and no idea really what we were doing or what we were up against. What we did know was that we loved each other more than anything and we now were the proud parents of a beautiful little baby girl.
Yeah, you've all heard the stories about how kids change your lives forever, to some, this is enough to make them run the other direction screaming, but it's all about perception I was just telling someone this week. For me, it could have been scary not ever having been around babies before and not having a clue what I was doing, having just bought a house and not having a job, having a husband that has to work a lot with his job.....but it wasn't that way. It brought me a sense of peace and freedom. The adult freedoms I lost were nothing compared to the mental freedom I gained. Kyleigh's life is the turning point in mine. She brought me and my dad back together, she opened up old wounds that needed to be healed between my mother (still working on that), she showed me a side of my husband I would have never seen otherwise. She made all of the bitterness I carried with me until that day...weighing me down, controlling every move I made, burn away. I am amazed at how much she did in that one day, without a word said.
I simply cannot explain the love I have for her in words.
Kyleigh is her own personality....always asking questions and will not be satisfied until she gets a good one (because I said so does NOT work with this child!). She's shy and introverted. She contemplates everything, she is always looking at things from different angles. Kyleigh is stubborn, and not just because she is 6. She's always been this way, wanting to have her own adventure and learn things for herself. Kyleigh is very loving, but doesn't always show it as freely as others. In the most unexpected moments it happens (in the car the other day she told me she liked watching the clouds. I thought it was sweet and asked her why. Her response, "because my Granny lives up there and I wanted to see her". Uh, tear.)
I hope that I will be able to give back to her everything she has given to me and I hope that I can live my life the way she has taught me to: give unconditional love, forgive because accidents happen, contemplate how things work and why, always be good to nature, make mistakes because that is how we learn and be stubborn and stand your ground...sometimes we are right!
Dressing up as High School Musical's biggest fan
Big Sister! (yes, Reece picked out her own costume this year :-)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Updates from our crazy life
hey guys, thought I would post some updates since it's been such a crazy week!
Dad was granted Mercy last Wednesday by finding out some positive news about his CAT scan. The cancer in his lymph nodes is no longer detectable and there are just a couple of spots now that are still showing up in his liver and lungs. It was so great to hear that positivity in his voice! He was talking a lot about how fortunate he was to not have as many severe effects from the chemo as most others do, I was selfishly thinking how fortunate I was to have more time with him. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers and I hope that you will keep them coming! He will do one more cycle in November and then another CAT scan to decide what they want to do from there.
Kyleigh's 6th birthday party went great on Sunday! We had about 10 kids come and join us for a party at the movie theatre to take in the new High School Musical 3. A special thanks to my wonderful husband for sitting through a 2 hour musical just for the love of his daughter :-)
I cannot believe how fast these past 6 years have happened. I will be writing a post just about her in honor of her birthday this Friday.
And yes, I turned 29 on Monday. who hoo! I like to reflect on every birthday and be thankful (kind of like folks do during Thanksgiving). I'd like to give thanks for another year of unexpected events and unanswered prayers. After 29 years I find I am still learning that I don't always know everything! Thanks for keeping me guessing. And thanks to my husband for dealing with my craziness these past few months. This move hasn't always been easy for me, but his strength has helped me realize what a good move it was. Thanks to all of my friends for just listening this past year. I have cried to you, laughed with you and missed you all terribly. Thanks to my family for your support and understanding. I hope that 29 is filled with as much excitement, joy and reflection as 28 has been.
I'd also like to leave this post in memory of Bobby's grandmother, Nora, who passed away this year. She was known for always remembering everyone's birthday and sending a card. This birthday was not the same without a card from granny Nora.
Dad was granted Mercy last Wednesday by finding out some positive news about his CAT scan. The cancer in his lymph nodes is no longer detectable and there are just a couple of spots now that are still showing up in his liver and lungs. It was so great to hear that positivity in his voice! He was talking a lot about how fortunate he was to not have as many severe effects from the chemo as most others do, I was selfishly thinking how fortunate I was to have more time with him. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers and I hope that you will keep them coming! He will do one more cycle in November and then another CAT scan to decide what they want to do from there.
Kyleigh's 6th birthday party went great on Sunday! We had about 10 kids come and join us for a party at the movie theatre to take in the new High School Musical 3. A special thanks to my wonderful husband for sitting through a 2 hour musical just for the love of his daughter :-)
I cannot believe how fast these past 6 years have happened. I will be writing a post just about her in honor of her birthday this Friday.
And yes, I turned 29 on Monday. who hoo! I like to reflect on every birthday and be thankful (kind of like folks do during Thanksgiving). I'd like to give thanks for another year of unexpected events and unanswered prayers. After 29 years I find I am still learning that I don't always know everything! Thanks for keeping me guessing. And thanks to my husband for dealing with my craziness these past few months. This move hasn't always been easy for me, but his strength has helped me realize what a good move it was. Thanks to all of my friends for just listening this past year. I have cried to you, laughed with you and missed you all terribly. Thanks to my family for your support and understanding. I hope that 29 is filled with as much excitement, joy and reflection as 28 has been.
I'd also like to leave this post in memory of Bobby's grandmother, Nora, who passed away this year. She was known for always remembering everyone's birthday and sending a card. This birthday was not the same without a card from granny Nora.
The Wilmington BFF gang: Alix, Jordan, Betsy and Kyleigh
In front of her favorite, Sharpay!
Monday, October 20, 2008
The Kite Runner
So, I bought this book along with several others a few months ago and have saved this one as the last, mostly because it was considerably longer than the others and I usually cannot find time to read more than 3 or so pages at a time!
I started it last week and finished it yesterday and I have to say it is one of the best books I have ever read. It is the story of a boy's childhood in Kabal, a country near Afghanistan, and it follows him and his experiences throughout his life well into his 30's. I could not put it down! There were so many twists and turns and shocking moments, I ended up taking the time to read over 100 pages in one sitting, which because I am such a book dork was a big treat for me. Most importantly, it taught the lesson that is it never too late to do the right thing no matter what has happened in your life.
I do not want to give away anything that happens, but if you enjoy a great story like I do, make the time to pick this one up. You will not be disappointed!
I started it last week and finished it yesterday and I have to say it is one of the best books I have ever read. It is the story of a boy's childhood in Kabal, a country near Afghanistan, and it follows him and his experiences throughout his life well into his 30's. I could not put it down! There were so many twists and turns and shocking moments, I ended up taking the time to read over 100 pages in one sitting, which because I am such a book dork was a big treat for me. Most importantly, it taught the lesson that is it never too late to do the right thing no matter what has happened in your life.
I do not want to give away anything that happens, but if you enjoy a great story like I do, make the time to pick this one up. You will not be disappointed!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Little white lies
Omissions. No, not the ones coming out of your car stinking up the environment, those little omissions you conveniently leave out. Little white lies. Most folks would say a lie is a lie no matter what. But what if it is to protect someone? How about lying to yourself?
I know I have been guilty of both of these.
I found myself being lied to this weekend by my dad. I know it well, the lie to protect by omission. It's the first time I have seen him in two chemo cycles and he was tired. Usually he is tearing the phone up calling to see when he is able to come over to see the girls, but on Saturday the whole day went by and no word from him. Finally at 4:30 I called out of worry and he said he was just giving my mom time with the girls.....a lie to protect. It was almost like he was avoiding it, not that he didn't want to see us and spend time with us, but he knew what I would know when I saw him. I still think it's funny how we have not been close until the last 6 years and I can almost read his mind and know what he is thinking when I see him. I am so thankful for our ability to be "in sync" with each other. But, he did come for a little bit and we got to eat lunch and spend some time together today as well, which was definitely a treat.
And lies to ourselves....this is a major one for me. Lying to myself telling me I can hold it all together, lying to myself telling me I can forget things in the past...that they don't affect me today. These are easy to catch in other people as well, when they do noble and thoughtful things, but for the glory of it for themselves and not for the true meaning behind them. Lying to themselves that they are paving the way to Heaven by doing good deeds, but choosing to create their own glory for themselves on earth instead of earning it in Heaven.
Forgive me for getting religious for those of you that read and are listening to me rant, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Lies hurt. No matter the reason, no matter the situation. There is no good reason not to be completely honest with people, and more importantly with yourself. If you are sick and hurting, why not let go of that pride and reach out? Emotionally or physically, we all need to let go of ourselves and our pride and be honest. Are we really protecting the people we love when it is tearing us apart?
This is a "new years resolution" I am not waiting for. It's going to be a slow process, but one I think will be worth it. I hope you will all join me in letting a little more honesty in your life and seeing where it leads you.
I know I have been guilty of both of these.
I found myself being lied to this weekend by my dad. I know it well, the lie to protect by omission. It's the first time I have seen him in two chemo cycles and he was tired. Usually he is tearing the phone up calling to see when he is able to come over to see the girls, but on Saturday the whole day went by and no word from him. Finally at 4:30 I called out of worry and he said he was just giving my mom time with the girls.....a lie to protect. It was almost like he was avoiding it, not that he didn't want to see us and spend time with us, but he knew what I would know when I saw him. I still think it's funny how we have not been close until the last 6 years and I can almost read his mind and know what he is thinking when I see him. I am so thankful for our ability to be "in sync" with each other. But, he did come for a little bit and we got to eat lunch and spend some time together today as well, which was definitely a treat.
And lies to ourselves....this is a major one for me. Lying to myself telling me I can hold it all together, lying to myself telling me I can forget things in the past...that they don't affect me today. These are easy to catch in other people as well, when they do noble and thoughtful things, but for the glory of it for themselves and not for the true meaning behind them. Lying to themselves that they are paving the way to Heaven by doing good deeds, but choosing to create their own glory for themselves on earth instead of earning it in Heaven.
Forgive me for getting religious for those of you that read and are listening to me rant, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Lies hurt. No matter the reason, no matter the situation. There is no good reason not to be completely honest with people, and more importantly with yourself. If you are sick and hurting, why not let go of that pride and reach out? Emotionally or physically, we all need to let go of ourselves and our pride and be honest. Are we really protecting the people we love when it is tearing us apart?
This is a "new years resolution" I am not waiting for. It's going to be a slow process, but one I think will be worth it. I hope you will all join me in letting a little more honesty in your life and seeing where it leads you.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Shine on
So, I've been working at home for almost a month now and really starting to get into my groove. I have to admit, it wasn't as smooth as I thought it was going to be. This week, I have realized something profound about myself.
Last week on vacation as Bobby and I were enjoying the hot tub, we found ourselves talking about the future, and about our careers. When I was growing up, I could never decide what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to impact people, I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to do something important. As I started talking about the new path I have taken this year, I began to hear a tone in my voice I have not heard in a while....restlessness. Now, don't get me wrong, I am PLENTY busy, but with my previous position I was in constant motion and pulled in a thousand different directions. That is where I felt I would shine, put me in a difficult situation, while others would complain, I secretly loved it. What I didn't realize was I was allowing it to validate who I was.
Without that constant "in your face office" everyday, I had come to feel like less of a person. I was almost depressed. How could I have let a job symbolize who I was?
I once had a person that worked for me tell me in a conversation about our company that she felt the priorities were all wrong, that we were putting our jobs/careers over everything and that she only answered to God. As a manager, that put me in a difficult situation and I know now I really missed the point she was trying to make. In her own way, I think she saw it in me even then and was trying to reach out (if you are reading this, sorry it took me so long to come around!).
I am very blessed to be working for a company that works everyday to save lives. Our CEO is generous and kind, something that seems to be few and far between these days. I have been given an opportunity that has allowed me to stay and continue to grow with them. For that, I am forever grateful.
Just a word to the wise to all of those career junkies, it is important, but don't let it validate who you are or who you want to be. Find that thing that makes you get up with the sun every morning. Find your own way to shine, don't depend on someone else to give you that "artificial light". It causes cancer you know.
Last week on vacation as Bobby and I were enjoying the hot tub, we found ourselves talking about the future, and about our careers. When I was growing up, I could never decide what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to impact people, I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to do something important. As I started talking about the new path I have taken this year, I began to hear a tone in my voice I have not heard in a while....restlessness. Now, don't get me wrong, I am PLENTY busy, but with my previous position I was in constant motion and pulled in a thousand different directions. That is where I felt I would shine, put me in a difficult situation, while others would complain, I secretly loved it. What I didn't realize was I was allowing it to validate who I was.
Without that constant "in your face office" everyday, I had come to feel like less of a person. I was almost depressed. How could I have let a job symbolize who I was?
I once had a person that worked for me tell me in a conversation about our company that she felt the priorities were all wrong, that we were putting our jobs/careers over everything and that she only answered to God. As a manager, that put me in a difficult situation and I know now I really missed the point she was trying to make. In her own way, I think she saw it in me even then and was trying to reach out (if you are reading this, sorry it took me so long to come around!).
I am very blessed to be working for a company that works everyday to save lives. Our CEO is generous and kind, something that seems to be few and far between these days. I have been given an opportunity that has allowed me to stay and continue to grow with them. For that, I am forever grateful.
Just a word to the wise to all of those career junkies, it is important, but don't let it validate who you are or who you want to be. Find that thing that makes you get up with the sun every morning. Find your own way to shine, don't depend on someone else to give you that "artificial light". It causes cancer you know.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Updates
So, it's been a while since I posted and I know everyone has wanted updates on my dad and on myself since my "home office" has become official.
Dad didn't end up having his scan. His doctor is traveling to a conference and he decided he would rather wait until he returns back to have it done. So, on October 14th, he will have his scan. Please continue your thoughts and prayers that this scan will bring our family good news. He still seems to be in good spirits, but you can tell he is pretty tired. I have absolutely no idea how he continues to work full time and deal with all of the treatments.....I guess he feels if he stops, he admits defeat and that is something he just will not do.
As for me, this completes my first week working from home. It's been bittersweet. I have enjoyed the 5 minute v/s hour drive to work and it's nice to be able to walk Hayley on my lunch break, but I miss seeing everyone everyday. I cannot just walk downstairs and vent to Jen/Liz/Whitney/Tammy if I wanted to. I cannot just meet Meredith for lunch if I wanted to. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for my situation. There was a time when I cried almost every night wondering how all of this was going to work out, but things have worked out in a way I never dreamed they would have, and in turn, that has opened up a lot of opportunity for me to have a healthier work/family lifestyle. I just miss my peeps :-(
Reece had her 3 year check up this week as well and Dr. Forehand confirmed our suspicions that Reece is very stubborn and willful and will potty train when SHE is ready. So....we wait....patiently :-) Otherwise, she is growing beautifully and we are very thankful to have a healthy, happy and hard-headed Reece-a-roni!
Dad didn't end up having his scan. His doctor is traveling to a conference and he decided he would rather wait until he returns back to have it done. So, on October 14th, he will have his scan. Please continue your thoughts and prayers that this scan will bring our family good news. He still seems to be in good spirits, but you can tell he is pretty tired. I have absolutely no idea how he continues to work full time and deal with all of the treatments.....I guess he feels if he stops, he admits defeat and that is something he just will not do.
As for me, this completes my first week working from home. It's been bittersweet. I have enjoyed the 5 minute v/s hour drive to work and it's nice to be able to walk Hayley on my lunch break, but I miss seeing everyone everyday. I cannot just walk downstairs and vent to Jen/Liz/Whitney/Tammy if I wanted to. I cannot just meet Meredith for lunch if I wanted to. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for my situation. There was a time when I cried almost every night wondering how all of this was going to work out, but things have worked out in a way I never dreamed they would have, and in turn, that has opened up a lot of opportunity for me to have a healthier work/family lifestyle. I just miss my peeps :-(
Reece had her 3 year check up this week as well and Dr. Forehand confirmed our suspicions that Reece is very stubborn and willful and will potty train when SHE is ready. So....we wait....patiently :-) Otherwise, she is growing beautifully and we are very thankful to have a healthy, happy and hard-headed Reece-a-roni!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Road trip to Charleston
Today we ventured out to Charleston, SC to visit the SC aquarium as well as the sea turtle hospital that is also located there. What a great road trip! After about a 2.5 hour drive, we got there and laid witness to an absolutely breathtaking port. We went in and got some lunch and then explored the 1st floor for about 30 minutes (we could barely pull Kyleigh from the touch tank) and then waited for our hospital guide. I wondered how much our extra 30 bucks on top of admission would be worth it to see this, but we ended up getting so much more than we bargained for. Who knew below this aquarium busting with people were 8 sick sea turtles, most of them hit by boats, 2 of which were over 320 pounds! Being a proud biology nerd myself, I was completely in awe of being in the presence of these beautiful creatures. Our guide was great and took us turtle to turtle telling us their story and letting us take the time to spend with them. Reece, who we thought would love this most of all, was a little scared of these giants, but Kyleigh was ready to jump right in with them! I was so proud of her as I watched her listen and learn and take it all in as I was. I could tell it had the same impact on her as it did for me. We learned at the end that every penny of the tour money goes to help the turtles, which made me even more happy that we did it, although I have to say that the experience was priceless. The rest of the aquarium was great as well. Reece found some smaller turtles that she was very excited over and Kyleigh was thrilled to watch a live diving show where they feed the fish in what they boast is the largest tank in North America. Coming home with two very tired kids, I am humbled to have been in the presence of just a taste of what nature has to offer, and I find I have fallen in love with her all over again! Here are a few pictures from our fun day! 
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Safe sex, safer TV
Got your attention didn't I :-)
I am a firm believer in family meals. Dinnertime in my house means everyone sits down, turns the TV off and talks about what went on with their day. It's our time to come together and connect. Last night, Bobby and I connected with Kyleigh in a way we were not ready for and didn't see coming.
Reece was lining up Barbie's after finishing her meal and had Barbie and Ken on top of each other. I quietly pulled them apart, lining them all in a row for Reece. Nothing more was said or done. Then Kyleigh says "Did you pull them apart because you thought they were having sex?". From my 5 year old? I was so shocked at that point, I didn't push it. Tonight we sat down for a good old fashion girl talk.......
My normal afternoon consists of my 1 hour drive home, then cooking dinner, cleaning, baths and then bed. While I am cooking, we often let the girls watch Discovery Kids (mostly to keep them from being all over the kitchen or asking every 2 minutes when dinner is going to be ready!). For the record, I am not a big fan of the TV, I'm a radio girl myself, but at least the shows on this channel are educational. If it is not on this channel, I leave it on ABC Family, also "thinking" this was a "safe" channel to leave it on as I cook or give Reece a bath. I've always felt I was very selective in the TV I let them watch.
Evidently there is a new show on ABC Family these days called "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", where a 15 year old gets pregnant.....hence Kyleigh's new knowledge of the word sex. After a sigh of relief that my baby really didn't know what she was saying and that she had not been harmed, I am reflecting back on the education I just received. For those parents who do not want their children taught life lessons by the bright flashing box, just a reminder to stop and take a look at what is on and do not assume because it is on a family channel or geared towards kids that it is appropriate or in line with the values you what to represent in your family!
I am a firm believer in family meals. Dinnertime in my house means everyone sits down, turns the TV off and talks about what went on with their day. It's our time to come together and connect. Last night, Bobby and I connected with Kyleigh in a way we were not ready for and didn't see coming.
Reece was lining up Barbie's after finishing her meal and had Barbie and Ken on top of each other. I quietly pulled them apart, lining them all in a row for Reece. Nothing more was said or done. Then Kyleigh says "Did you pull them apart because you thought they were having sex?". From my 5 year old? I was so shocked at that point, I didn't push it. Tonight we sat down for a good old fashion girl talk.......
My normal afternoon consists of my 1 hour drive home, then cooking dinner, cleaning, baths and then bed. While I am cooking, we often let the girls watch Discovery Kids (mostly to keep them from being all over the kitchen or asking every 2 minutes when dinner is going to be ready!). For the record, I am not a big fan of the TV, I'm a radio girl myself, but at least the shows on this channel are educational. If it is not on this channel, I leave it on ABC Family, also "thinking" this was a "safe" channel to leave it on as I cook or give Reece a bath. I've always felt I was very selective in the TV I let them watch.
Evidently there is a new show on ABC Family these days called "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", where a 15 year old gets pregnant.....hence Kyleigh's new knowledge of the word sex. After a sigh of relief that my baby really didn't know what she was saying and that she had not been harmed, I am reflecting back on the education I just received. For those parents who do not want their children taught life lessons by the bright flashing box, just a reminder to stop and take a look at what is on and do not assume because it is on a family channel or geared towards kids that it is appropriate or in line with the values you what to represent in your family!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Needing everyone's thoughts....prayers
It's Tuesday and the normal hum drum on my mind right now is quieted by my fears for this week. For those of you that have been keeping up with my dad's progress, tomorrow starts his 3rd cycle of chemo. He was diagnosed with "extensive stage small cell lung cancer" just 3 months ago. Lucky for us, his doctor is one of the best. Dr. Adkins treated my mom for Stage 4 intestinal cancer when I was 9...and she's still here to talk about it. I love to hear about him. In a world where health care can be so political and full of red tape, so segregated between the "layman" and "educated", this man walks the halls without his tokin white "I'm an important doctor" lab jacket...in cowboys boots and always carrying a down to earth sense about him. He tells you what you need to hear in terms that you understand. I admire this as I listened to the tape he made for my dad when he told him of his diagnosis. He does this not only for the patient, but also the family by letting him take it home and share with others.
It's bittersweet for me. I did not grow up with my dad. I have no warm memories of him as a child. I only remember having to go to weekly visits at the halfway house as was court ordered and his roommate would teach me how to build card houses while he looked away as if I didn't exist. It took me many years to get over my anger....and myself. My dad was sick. I know now that he wanted to be there, he just couldn't. Alcoholism stole that time from both of us, but with the birth of Kyleigh came a birth of a new relationship with my dad, and we have been growing stronger ever since. All those years I lived without him, and now I cannot imagine life without him.
You know, I've been asked so many times why we choose to start our family so young (I was barely 23 when I had Kyleigh, a time when most of my friends were still out having fun and being young). I do not believe in accidents. I believe it happened because we needed something major to get us to move on from our pride and pain. Funny, learning where my pridefulness comes from :-)
My dad will have a scan this week to see how the treatments have been working. I cannot do anything but hope for the best. He has continued to be positive through everything and I know he must be scared too, but that Price pride will never let it show.
We talk a lot about the future. He has always wanted to the Caribbean. It is a dream of his to retire to a beach house where he could just do nothing but sit on the beach and not have to worry about a thing (his favorite channel is the Margarita ville channel on his Sirius radio :)
Even though I don't get to see him everyday, I do listen to Kenny Chesney's "Old Blue Chair" CD and it makes me think of him. That CD encompasses everything about him to me.
Sorry for the long post, but if you could say a special prayer or just keep my dad in your thoughts this week, I hope to share good news in my next post!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Experience
Experience. That's a word I have heard a lot on talk radio lately, especially since the elections have started heating up. I love to listen to both sides debate...Obama doesn't have enough experience and now neither does Palin. How important is it really? Let's see....can you imagine leaving your children (or dog for that matter) with someone who knew nothing about them? Would you hire someone for a very complex job with absolutely nothing on their resume but high school? Seems pretty important huh? But, I remember graduating college and being so frustrated because no one would give me a chance. I heard that word a lot then too. No one was interesting in listening to my new ideas, they just wanted to know what I had already done. I am amazed at how much people focus on the past and never think about what it would mean for the future. Yes, I hear some of you saying...past predicts future. Of course it does if that is the expectation we give it.
Experience is a great teacher and one we should not take lightly. I've been kicked in the butt by it several times, however, it's an ongoing struggle not to base your entire life on past experiences. I feel a lot of times I have missed out by "practicing my past"....selling others or my own self short because of this. Keep an open mind about experience and the kinds of new ones you want to have....and which kinds are important for our new leaders.
Experience is a great teacher and one we should not take lightly. I've been kicked in the butt by it several times, however, it's an ongoing struggle not to base your entire life on past experiences. I feel a lot of times I have missed out by "practicing my past"....selling others or my own self short because of this. Keep an open mind about experience and the kinds of new ones you want to have....and which kinds are important for our new leaders.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Einee minee mini moe......
Isn't it funny when you hear of other people's decisions and wonder to yourself "how the heck did they come up with that?". It's so easy to judge when it's not your burden to bear. For those of us that obsess over every little thing, it's easy to obsess just on the method to this "decision making"...are you a "pros and cons" list maker? Do you value other's opinions and base your final choice on them? Do you flip a coin? Wasn't it nice when you were little and it just took a flip of a coin to make the correct, fair choice for everyone? As we all grow older, the decisions tend to get more and more complex, and in consequence the method to our madness does as well. Why is this? Does it really need to be more?
We are all faced with hard choices, as a friend, family member, parent or even being an American citizen. Bottom line, you just need to be able to live with it. The joy of us all is the fact that we are different, what works for one is a completely insane thought for another. The best lessons and most valuable ones I have learned in life came from my ability (or inability) to make the correct decision. I hope one day I will be able to refrain from stepping in my girl's lives and let them handle most of them on their own (there are some of course that will be non-negotiable!).
Point is to be more open-minded in yourself and dealing with others. Think outside the box and try and new way to look at a problem the next time one comes around or really make the point to listen and understand when a friend tells you of their problem/solution the next time you are talking. You may open up a whole new you.
We are all faced with hard choices, as a friend, family member, parent or even being an American citizen. Bottom line, you just need to be able to live with it. The joy of us all is the fact that we are different, what works for one is a completely insane thought for another. The best lessons and most valuable ones I have learned in life came from my ability (or inability) to make the correct decision. I hope one day I will be able to refrain from stepping in my girl's lives and let them handle most of them on their own (there are some of course that will be non-negotiable!).
Point is to be more open-minded in yourself and dealing with others. Think outside the box and try and new way to look at a problem the next time one comes around or really make the point to listen and understand when a friend tells you of their problem/solution the next time you are talking. You may open up a whole new you.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
At a crossroads
Ok, so after a lot of coaxing by friends, family and co-workers, I am taking the time to start a blog for our family.
I've named it "byerscrossroads" as I've been thinking a lot about how many crossroads we face in our lives and the directions we choose to go in. Do we ignore the fact that we have other options to turn to and keep on the straight and narrow? Do we take a chance on a new road, not knowing where it leads or what is going to be around the bend? Have we even considered that we can tear down trees and make our own roads? 2008 has definitely presented it's share of crossroads to our family! While it's scary to think of getting off that beaten path that so many have gone down, I have found so much adventure in exploring new paths, although sometimes I do need a push from fate :)
These last few months for our family have been a blur between Bobby starting at a new store, moving to a new town, myself starting a new position and now Kyleigh starting school. For those of you close to me, I cannot thank you enough for your understanding of my craziness this summer...and sometimes continued craziness! While this crossroad is far in the distance, looking back I am glad we took the chance as a family to make our own way and step out of our comfort zone. I hope that you all will have the support of great family and friends as I do to take that chance and go down the road less traveled. And I hope you all enjoy our blog :)
I've named it "byerscrossroads" as I've been thinking a lot about how many crossroads we face in our lives and the directions we choose to go in. Do we ignore the fact that we have other options to turn to and keep on the straight and narrow? Do we take a chance on a new road, not knowing where it leads or what is going to be around the bend? Have we even considered that we can tear down trees and make our own roads? 2008 has definitely presented it's share of crossroads to our family! While it's scary to think of getting off that beaten path that so many have gone down, I have found so much adventure in exploring new paths, although sometimes I do need a push from fate :)
These last few months for our family have been a blur between Bobby starting at a new store, moving to a new town, myself starting a new position and now Kyleigh starting school. For those of you close to me, I cannot thank you enough for your understanding of my craziness this summer...and sometimes continued craziness! While this crossroad is far in the distance, looking back I am glad we took the chance as a family to make our own way and step out of our comfort zone. I hope that you all will have the support of great family and friends as I do to take that chance and go down the road less traveled. And I hope you all enjoy our blog :)
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