It's Tuesday and the normal hum drum on my mind right now is quieted by my fears for this week. For those of you that have been keeping up with my dad's progress, tomorrow starts his 3rd cycle of chemo. He was diagnosed with "extensive stage small cell lung cancer" just 3 months ago. Lucky for us, his doctor is one of the best. Dr. Adkins treated my mom for Stage 4 intestinal cancer when I was 9...and she's still here to talk about it. I love to hear about him. In a world where health care can be so political and full of red tape, so segregated between the "layman" and "educated", this man walks the halls without his tokin white "I'm an important doctor" lab jacket...in cowboys boots and always carrying a down to earth sense about him. He tells you what you need to hear in terms that you understand. I admire this as I listened to the tape he made for my dad when he told him of his diagnosis. He does this not only for the patient, but also the family by letting him take it home and share with others.
It's bittersweet for me. I did not grow up with my dad. I have no warm memories of him as a child. I only remember having to go to weekly visits at the halfway house as was court ordered and his roommate would teach me how to build card houses while he looked away as if I didn't exist. It took me many years to get over my anger....and myself. My dad was sick. I know now that he wanted to be there, he just couldn't. Alcoholism stole that time from both of us, but with the birth of Kyleigh came a birth of a new relationship with my dad, and we have been growing stronger ever since. All those years I lived without him, and now I cannot imagine life without him.
You know, I've been asked so many times why we choose to start our family so young (I was barely 23 when I had Kyleigh, a time when most of my friends were still out having fun and being young). I do not believe in accidents. I believe it happened because we needed something major to get us to move on from our pride and pain. Funny, learning where my pridefulness comes from :-)
My dad will have a scan this week to see how the treatments have been working. I cannot do anything but hope for the best. He has continued to be positive through everything and I know he must be scared too, but that Price pride will never let it show.
We talk a lot about the future. He has always wanted to the Caribbean. It is a dream of his to retire to a beach house where he could just do nothing but sit on the beach and not have to worry about a thing (his favorite channel is the Margarita ville channel on his Sirius radio :)
Even though I don't get to see him everyday, I do listen to Kenny Chesney's "Old Blue Chair" CD and it makes me think of him. That CD encompasses everything about him to me.
Sorry for the long post, but if you could say a special prayer or just keep my dad in your thoughts this week, I hope to share good news in my next post!
4 comments:
Aw Brandi I'm sorry to hear about your Dad...I know its very hard to watch someone you love(especially in this case with having had time lost already) go through such a hard and painful time. But I will keep you and your family in my prayers! I hope everything goes well this week.
And thanks for your comments, I'm just having some adjustment issues right now but I think I will be fine, once at get some dresses or something to cover up the belly area..pants are my enemy right now.
i'm praying. i'm praying for healing and a complete restoration of your dad's lungs. i sat here reading your blog feeling like i was reading my life. your dad is precious. just keep loving on him. annoy him with how much you love him. ;) i remember one night dad telling me that he wanted to go and visit a friend of his in WY and then his plans for traveling, etc. ...i hung up and told a friend that either God was calling him through the need for fellowship, or dad was dying. he was dying. and in hindsight, i smile. i know that God finally broke me of my pride and showed me how to love dad, tenderly. and in ways that i never would have if i kept blaming him for all of his mistakes. i'm proud of you for loving your dad right where he is. you're showing him love that only God gives - it's selfless. it's despite yourself. and it marks the heart deeper than anything else. so i'm praying for your sweet daddy - maybe you ought to make a trip to see him and dance a little to jimmy buffett with him. ;)it might make his year (that kind of music was my dad's favorite, too).
xoxo
I will definitely keep him and your whole family in my prayers
Hi Brandi - I've been praying for your dad and your family - hope you have good news soon!
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