Yes, folks believe it or not I have imperfections! We all do, physically, emotionally, spiritually and characteristically (google it, it's a word!!!!). Once we know and accept these things to be true, what we will do with that knowledge is the real conversation.
As far as physically goes, I'm pretty much like most folks in saying that there are a couple of pounds I would like to lose and definitely a few places I would like to tone up....however....I'm not the one motivated enough to get up every morning at 5am to work out. I still have the skin of a teenager, and not in a good way. Maybe in my 30's the acne will subside? And don't get me started on my feet. I have extremely short toes....and if that isn't bad enough, my big toes are curved...yes, crooked! I got picked on endlessly growing up for it. Check it out (excuse my need for a pedicure)...
Talk about some weird looking toes!!!!
Emotionally, I hold too many things in instead of saying how I feel. I'm scared to be vulnerable. Spiritually, I am still very early in my journey and have so much to learn. I don't have all of the answers, but I know enough to know that part is OK. I'm not the one with all of the answers.
So I started thinking today about all of my "imperfections" and how they have shaped me. My crooked toes are unique to me. Aside from winning a marble picking up contest at field day in the 6th grade, they haven't served me much physical purpose, but they have opened up conversations with complete strangers. Now, I'm glad for my differences. Forget being like everyone else, I was uniquely made with a unique purpose unlike anyone elses.
I found myself tonight talking to my girls about this....asking them what they like about themselves that is different. Kyleigh has two webbed toes and chose them:
The webbed toes....
We love that Reece has an "outie" belly button and she proudly displays it:
Four year old full belly
I wonder how my girls are going to be growing up, if they will accept and love their differences as they grow or be upset or embarrassed by them. An awesome and huge job as parents is to instill them with the confidence in themselves that air brushed pictures in magazines or super skinny folks on tv will not make them feel any different in years to come. I want them to understand how beautiful and unique they are inside and out and leave our door everyday with the confidence in knowing that they are just as they are for a purpose and to feel good about that.
With that said, I realize my body with it's couple extra pounds and lack of toned muscle (and a few stretch marks if we are being completely honest here) has gone through that transformation for a purpose....and Kyleigh and Reece are that purpose. My body was not made to be a sex symbol (to anyone else but my husband) but to provide life to our girls. I sing all of the time in the car...and I'm not good. It's OK. My voice was not made to be heard on radio stations across the world...it was made to get my kids out of their bad mood by singing silly songs to them or trying to sing along to the Jonas Brothers on radio. My spiritual journey is for a purpose, to wait with open heart and mind to what is REALLY in store for my life, not necessarily what my idea of it was. My heart is continuing to be transformed through this adoption.
Will I ever be the "perfect" mom? Size 6 with dinner on the table by 6pm, house cleaned, well behaved kids with a constant smile on her face. Uh no. But you know what? How great is it to let go and not to be bound by that and constantly striving for someone else's idea of perfection? My husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my Lord loves me just as I am.
I welcome my "imperfections" and I am proud to be a mom and wife that is still aggravated with acne, cannot consistently exercise, eats out more than I should, cannot spell, let's people get away with too much and is more about reassuring others that everything will be OK, but wondering about my own life.
What is your "imperfection"? What makes you different and unique? What is being molded through you? Feel free to leave a comment to share.
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8 months ago