Wednesday, April 29, 2009


No folks, not the one where everybody knows your name (not in this post anyway), those bars that seem to block certain areas of your life. Come on, we all have them. Maybe it's emotional bars we are putting up ourselves, maybe financial bars, maybe communication bars. Seems like I have had several of these just flat out sawed down this past week and witnessed several for myself and I'm just now able to take a breath to take it all in and talk about just a few of them.

Bobby and I went baby free on Thursday to head to the Jimmy Buffett concert (I would have pictures to show, but I left my camera in the hotel room!!). I was so stressed out before leaving trying to get everything together, working late, cleaning up, etc. I don't think it was until we were outside the gates that I really let go and started to enjoy myself. We had 4th row, center stage tickets and it was probably the best show I have ever seen. Best of all, one of the first songs he played was "It's 5 o'clock somewhere", which was one of my dad's favorites. I cannot describe it exactly, but bars lifted. I cried for the first time in public over him. While everyone else was screaming and dancing, I was crying and it felt so good. It was the trip, the concert he always wanted to go to. It was tears of joy, like I completed something for him and for myself.

Financial bars were lifted for my very dear friend Meredith this weekend for her yard sale fundraiser for her adoption (to any of you reading that participated in any way, we cannot thank you enough!) What a wonderful thing that in this financial day people from all walks of life can come together and help a family give a new life and opportunity to a child that truly needs it.

Last night, I had the great pleasure of having dinner with a friend that unfortunately I don't get to spend as much time with as I would like. We literally shut the restaurant down! I think we both needed that release, just to sit and talk with someone about being a mom, work, what we wanted out of life and where we wanted to go. We talked about our childhood and the childhood we wanted for our kids, situations we had been in and the ones we are in now. We talked about parents and alcoholism and the horrible effects it can leave in a family and what a shame it all can be. Bobby was nice enough to watch the girls while I had some girl time of my own, and for that I am grateful. I think we both walked out of that restaurant a little bit clearer, I know I am.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Holding on

If you had been suffering through years of a disease and were frustrated and had enough, what would be worth holding onto to keep you going? Family? Friends? Sheer willpower? Jesus?

When I get on the phone with my mom, I'm not quite sure what to say. Trying to stand in her shoes, I understand her frustration and complete exhaustion with Diabetes. She has called it "the slow killer". Mom's had it and been living with it for years now. All these years of fighting uncontrollable blood sugar and the numerous medications are taking a toll on her body. Being a biology nut, I know the body can be a marvelous thing, but it can also wear down your mental health to the point where you just don't care what happens to it anymore. I feel like that is where she is now.

On the phone, she is very negative, bitter. Mad at the world almost for the cards she has been dealt. Instead of looking at the life she has been able to led and the life she still has left, she focuses on the "why me" part of things. It's hard to avoid and it's hard to find a response to it. I'm in no way pointing fingers or saying she doesn't have a right to feel that way. I'm just struggling to figure out how to deal with it and get around it. My dad was very different. He accepted it and moved on, but he only had to deal with it for a few months and this has followed my mom for years.

I am thinking of spending Easter in Goldsboro and staying the weekend with them. I'm just wondering if it's too late to turn her perspective around. I like to think it isn't. I know she has several challenges ahead of her and I'm just hoping that a weekend with the girls might remind her life is worth living and definitely worth fighting matter how that life ends up.

Friday, April 3, 2009

A much needed day off and escape

So, sometimes when all hope is gone and you are just in a "funk", what you need is a night out with a friend. I took yesterday off to relax a bit and then headed to Wilmington to check out the David Cook concert my dear friend Meredith so graciously invited me too.

I don't know about you, but I love to drive (with the exception of driving in the never ending rain yesterday). It just clears my mind and I am able to clear things out. When I got to Wilmington, I got to see her girl Abby. Boy is she growing up fast! It's so sweet to hear her talk and watch her waddle around :-)

We decided to treat ourselves to a dinner we wouldn't normally take our kids to since it was "Mommy's night out", Port City Chophouse. That was the first dinner in a long time that I have been able to take my time and breathe and just enjoy a meal without wondering how much longer I had until the girls were done! A nice steak, a glass of wine and some great conversation. That alone was worth the trip.

We had hospitality passes before the concert, so we ended up doing some pretty serious people watching in there. I'm pretty sure we were entertaining the couple sitting beside us :-)

After that, we went down for the concert. 7th row center stage floor, not to shabby I might say! The opening act was good and I thought David did a great job. We were sitting right behind the "queens and their court", so most of my pictures have crowns in them unfortunately. Don't even get me started on the guys these girls were with, that's a whole other post!

Anyway, thought I would share a few pictures. If you ever get the chance to catch him in concert, go check it out. He was very funny, personable, talkative and just seemed like a genuine nice guy.