Holding on

If you had been suffering through years of a disease and were frustrated and had enough, what would be worth holding onto to keep you going? Family? Friends? Sheer willpower? Jesus?

When I get on the phone with my mom, I'm not quite sure what to say. Trying to stand in her shoes, I understand her frustration and complete exhaustion with Diabetes. She has called it "the slow killer". Mom's had it and been living with it for years now. All these years of fighting uncontrollable blood sugar and the numerous medications are taking a toll on her body. Being a biology nut, I know the body can be a marvelous thing, but it can also wear down your mental health to the point where you just don't care what happens to it anymore. I feel like that is where she is now.

On the phone, she is very negative, bitter. Mad at the world almost for the cards she has been dealt. Instead of looking at the life she has been able to led and the life she still has left, she focuses on the "why me" part of things. It's hard to avoid and it's hard to find a response to it. I'm in no way pointing fingers or saying she doesn't have a right to feel that way. I'm just struggling to figure out how to deal with it and get around it. My dad was very different. He accepted it and moved on, but he only had to deal with it for a few months and this has followed my mom for years.

I am thinking of spending Easter in Goldsboro and staying the weekend with them. I'm just wondering if it's too late to turn her perspective around. I like to think it isn't. I know she has several challenges ahead of her and I'm just hoping that a weekend with the girls might remind her life is worth living and definitely worth fighting for...no matter how that life ends up.