In my own little world

OK, so I am taking a quick break from my adoption overview posts to reflect on these last 3 weeks. I'm not sure what is going on, but it seems every bump we can possibly hit along the way, we've hit it.

We contacted our agency to move forward with Asher on the 10th of November. Our agency said they would send the referral paperwork. A week went by and we didn't get anything. I followed up and she said she changed her mind because she didn't know if she could send them because we were in the middle of updating our homestudy (started this back in October because of the move and also had to make changes specific to Asher since he was a waiting child). So, then they said they would send it out again. Again nothing. An assistant didn't send when she was supposed to. We tried again. This time it was lost in the Seattle snowstorm. That following Monday our social worker contacted us and told us she got the clearances in, but the state left off the last page of my husband's, which of course is the most important page. She contacted them again and asked to send it ASAP. They have yet to contact her back or send anything in the mail. Our agency sent our paperwork again after we repeated emailed and called saying we never received the other one and they mailed it to the wrong address.

We finally got our paperwork at our home yesterday. We had to contact the agency to re-do some of the documents because they still had our old address on several of them, but we got it worked out. We just finished up notarizing everything today. I made copies of it all. It's ready to go. I called our social worker to see if they had heard anything else about that page from the clearances and our social worker's mother has passed away, which is why she wasn't answering emails. Her assistance says they still haven't received anything and there is nothing to do but wait. They are closed tomorrow, so the earliest anything can go out is next week. Next week marks a full month since we notified to move with Asher and have yet to be able to "officially" accept the referral.

So, that's the back story to this post. If you have been on Facebook with me, I'm sure you are sick of hearing about it. To say these last 3 weeks have tested my patience and faith is an understatement. I KNOW God is in this. I know this is part of His timing. I've been trying to get past the discouragement and found myself doing nothing but venting in the process. Yuck. A nasty negative mess. Are we not supposed to be thankful and rejoice in the Lord even when times are tough? I'm pretty in the bible it doesn't point us to Facebook to rant and rave.

I've been spending some extra time in my mornings in prayer....just praying for patience and understanding and peace. Everyday I pray that things will all come together and we can finally get this moving. I'm trying not to feel like we've lost an entire month. I know that there is much preparation with Asher and his foster family too. It's not all about me, but I sure have forgotten that. It's been poor pitiful Brandi these last few weeks. And my poor husband. Let's just say that man has the patience of Job to have dealt with me. I have been incredibly emotional and he has been my rock. I do not know how I would have faced this without him.

So, in my own little world there has been the party of the year going on...bigger than anything P. Diddy or whatever he is called now could even put together. It's been a pity party that has done nothing but completely leave me exhausted, bitter and sad. I do not want to feel defeated anymore, because the truth is, I'm not. Outside of my world in my head, there is nothing to be sad about at all.

Even though I cannot share his picture publicly, there is a completely adorable baby boy just waiting for us. That is a blessing. He has made it through so many adversities already that do not even compare to my last 3 weeks. That is a blessing. There is a wonderful foster family taking care of him for us right now. That is a blessing. Next year, I will get to celebrate almost all of the holidays as a family of 5. That is a blessing. This adoption has brought me even closer to my husband. That is a blessing. This adoption has taught my children to care for orphans. That is a blessing. I have made a wonderful group of friends through adoption groups and blogs. That is a blessing. I mean come on, Asher's name means BLESSING!

So, I humbly apologize to any and all who have had to listen to me these last 3 weeks mumble and moan...cry and pout. I'm not sending anything out this week like I had hoped and prayed but I am concentrating on the glorious moment when I do get to. I will appreciate it. I will be humbled by it. Because that means my baby boy is coming home sooner...and that is the biggest blessing of all.