Through the looking glass

We all have our very own views...why and how we feel about everything. Most of the time, these are created through what we have witnessed with our own eyes, experiences we've had, things we have been told to be true.

Growing up, most of my perspectives were a result of things I had experienced or what my peers were telling me. Like any other kid, we all thought we knew everything didn't we?! But where did following these worldly views send me....hopelessly nowhere. I believed I could be it all, have it all, money was the key to living a happy life and my happy future was dependent upon building up my 401K. I bought the scam and believed the lies.

Sitting in church this morning, I was thrilled that our new series was about Jonah....boy can I relate to this one. I started this blog a month or so after we moved here, at a time when my life was starting to be turned upside down. I am amazed at what has happened 100 posts later and I am incredibly happy about it.

My mind and focus was set on my worldly view of things, how I thought my life should be and how I perceived it should all go down. Truth be told, I was very bitter about the move. This was certainly NOT in my plans! For those of you who personally know me, or have picked it up from my writings, I am pretty stubborn. In this case, it was not a happy virtue to have. In one phone call from my husband's boss, my world view was completely changed. In one phone call from my dad a couple of months later, my world view was changed again. And it was devastating....because my view was based on something that is ever changing and not on anything consistent and true. I was absolutely lost...and mentally I ran. I ran from facing what was going on with my dad, I ran from accepting our move and being happy about it, I ran from figuring out what I wanted to do with my career instead of settling....I ran from the feeling that something bigger was going on here.

I didn't want to show weakness. I didn't want to give up control...what I wasn't getting was the fact that I never had it in the first place! I truly believe by tearing me down, God built me back up. I was so stubborn and so ingrained with my thinking, it took this much. Looking back now, He had sent Godly people into my life (Ashley, Meredith and Diana, you know who you are), to help me, He had made health changes, He had shown me so many things...and I knew it, and I still ran. I didn't want any part in it because it didn't fit with my plans...and we all know how much better my ideas are :-)

Anyway, thank goodness He loved me enough to not leave me there. Even though I was loving the world and not Him, He never gave up on me. It was unconditional...with nothing back He gave it all for me. I never want to stay in that complacency again because I know I'm meant for something more than this world told me I was!

This Sunday I give praise to my redeemer, my rescuer, my Heavenly Father who loved me even when I slammed the door in His face so many times. This step of turning my back on the world and living by faith and not by sight is one that I would have laughed at two years ago and now I wouldn't go back to spend a day there for all of the money in the world.