Patience

I get on my girls a lot for not being patient, but you know if we are being honest here, I am no better. They probably learned their anxiousness from me. This is something I have been working on for some time, but it's still tough!

You don't realize how fast this world moves and how little patience you have to slow down and take the time to enjoy the journey and not worry so much with the end result. Life is not a race with check points you have to reach at certain times.

This adoption I'm sure will be my true test of patience. It feels like such a long wait, but in the big scheme of things, it really isn't. I want to focus not on how long our wait will be, but how God is preparing our family for it. I know that a referral will not come our way until we are ready, not just that we have our house ready for another baby, but our mind and souls are ready too. Being anxious just creates worry. It makes you so focused on the future and all of the different possibilities you might miss what is right in front of you. This time is a gift to us. I truly do not believe it was meant to be spent on worry and anxiety. Does that mean I won't still check my emails twice a day in hopes that a referral might come in? Probably not. But I am going to do my best not to worry about how long it takes or what might happen. I have to trust that everything will happen when we are truly ready to accept it.

I've also been bad about rushing through everyday things in life. Grocery shopping. I'm NOT a shopper. Never really liked shopping of any kind too much. I go do a big trip once a month. I used to be really good about seeking out sales and coupons and have gotten slack because I don't want to take the time to do it (either clipping before hand or strategically choosing my groceries according to coupons). In other words, I'm not being a good steward of our monetary blessings because it is an inconvenience to me. No more my friends. I took the time on Monday night to search and clip and took 2 hours to grocery shopping according to my list and coupons...and guess what? I saved $57.87 on our trip! Imagine what we could do with an extra almost $700 a year?

Being patient with my healing with my dad's passing is a work in progress as well. Today logging on and seeing that Patrick Swayze passed hit me hard. It takes a greater person to face cancer, even when you know they are scared, with open eyes and to be an inspiration to people. He worked all through his treatments and fought with positivity and grace. It reminds me so much of my dad's fight. Never missed a day of work and he never once complained. I know he must have been in pain, he must have been tired and weak, but he pressed on. He never let it get the best of him or affect the life that he still wanted to led. He probably dealt with things we will never know he dealt with. Today while the world remembers Patrick Swayze, I am remembering my dad and trying to be patient with myself, knowing it is OK to still miss him terribly....to still cry when I hear a song that reminds me of him...to know that my life will never be the same again, but in a good way for all of the things he opened my eyes to.

I will never be that person that doesn't know what they have until it's gone. I am incredibly blessed and I know it. Relationships sometimes come with unbelievable baggage, hurt and pain, but they are worth your patience with your own feelings and that other person. Sometimes everything works out, sometimes it doesn't, but time is a precious gift and can teach us so much along the way if we are patient to it's lessons. I don't think we all think about those grey times when we are in between one thing and another...just waiting for the next thing to happen. Those in between times are when our character is revealed and when we might learn a little bit about ourselves. Who knows...you may look back and remember these times as the most important. I'm learning **patiently** that it's not always the destination, but the journey that is important.