How I sometimes stress myself out

Um, ok. I said sometimes, but let's be honest. I pretty much do this ALL of the time.

Before I even roll out of bed in the morning, I lay there and go through all of the things I need to get done/am supposed to do that day. My days vary widely, but I do have set things I do every week like volunteering in my daughter's classrooms and girl scouts. I am definitely a Type A person..I like to have a plan, well ahead. I've certainly gotten better about going with the flow of the moment, but the entire time I cannot enjoy the "flow" because guess what I'm doing in my head..yup, trying to figure out what's next.

So I'm trying to plan the next few months of our lives. Ugh. I've found myself wrapped back up into the stress of looking at time lines and trying to ride a fine line between being anxious for answers/follow up or pestering my adoption agency and/or social worker. In my head, I feel like we are losing time...no one is moving fast enough...what's taking so long just to mail paperwork for goodness sakes!

But then I remember the wait. The molding and everything I learned. And I know this wait will produce something completely different if I let it. I found myself watching Adoption Story today (whoo, bad choice of programing for my emotional state by the way!). I watched as a first time foster mom handed over this completely adorable 6 month old little boy. My heart broke for her. While those parents in the US were praying for time to pass, she was praying for time to stop. I've been so focused on MY wait, MY impatience, MY adoption story, that I am completely leaving out an entire other side to this. And anyway, it's not about ME.

I'm still working this all out and I'm sure before it's all over with God will make it clear. I love how He hesitates to see if I can get it on my own...giving me time to figure out the reality of things outside of myself. On the other side of that blue sky are two families....a birth family and foster family. My inconvenient wait is in no comparison to the choices and decisions they have had to make these last 9 months. My patience needs to be with God working through their lives. Because they have all made the decision to put our son first.

So, now I am stressing on how I'm being about this wait. And let's call it what it is, selfishness. I want him home...yesterday. Yes, the selfishness is due to my love for him and wanting to care for him and have him finally join our family because I am incredibly excited, but selfishness nonetheless. I'm taking a day just to myself tomorrow. It's long overdue and I'm hoping some time of reflection and peace will make things better. Just some deep honesty on this Friday afternoon :-)