Pressures of the modern day woman/parent

I think it's hard being a woman (of course I'm one sided and bias here), but especially today and especiallly being a parent.

In a time when Destiny's child can have hits with a song like "Bills, bills, bills" about having a man to pay their bills and then turn around and release "Independent Woman" some years later about being completely independent from that same notion. I grew up wanting to be completely independent. I didn't want to depend on anyone for anything....all too many times there were strings attached. If I worked hard, I could control it all....I could do it all.

I felt pressure to have my own career and be a successful figure, to own a certain type of home, to have 2.5 kids...which of course I would manage without blinking an eye, be completely supportive of my husband and have dinner on the table for all of them at promptly 6pm after working all day. At night, I would be able to get all of the cleaning and laundry done and start my next day in a perfectly clean and organized home. That commercial with Kelly Ripa for those washers and dryer where "she can be even more perfect" drives me up the wall.

Seriously ladies, it's tough out there! I always held tight to that advice or those conversations I would have with folks that I knew would be real with me.....your laundry will pile up to 5 or more loads and it's OK, your dishes will fill the sink and you will be too tire to wash them sometimes and it's OK, you will not always have Mary Poppins patience with your kids and it's OK. I love and cherish these stories of families just being real because I just couldn't keep up with the notion (and stress) of doing everything perfectly all of the time!

So, I thought I would share some real stories with you guys. Some of you are just now starting families, some of you have babies or many more kids than I do, but I thought it would be fun to share some. I know I'm not alone in saying that worry seriously takes over sometimes...I worry a lot about the parent I am and the effect I'm having on my kids and I think that's a normal thing for any mom to do, but life happens and sometimes you just have to run with it!

~Life Lesson #1: Lock away your art supplies. Don't just put them away in drawers.
We were getting our house ready to sell and we had just spent two days painting and preparing. I was in the bathroom and came downstairs to a lovely painting of green all the way down my stairwell...my carpet...my living room walls...my entertainment center...and even the poor unsuspecting dog. Another two days of painting......

~Life Lesson #2: Always ask your child questions about what they talked about with their friends that day.
Kyleigh was 4 and was discussing with me a video a friend was telling her about at school that she wanted us to buy for her. Honestly, I was half listening, thinking she was going to ask again for another Barbie movie, but I asked the name of it. "Well (child's name) said she stays up late and sees it advertised. She told us it's called Girls Gone Wild". After a freak out of follow up questions about what exactly the other child said about the video, we found out that Kyleigh just thought it was a dancing video and really didn't know anything about it's true content! Seriously would have never thought this would be a conversation occuring at 4!

~Life Lesson #3: Go to Rooms to Go right now and splurge on a mattress protector.
Not only do they save your mattress during potty training at night (which is an adventure in itself), but when your 4 year old decides to sneak in the gallon of strawberries you just picked into her room and stains EVERYTHING her favorite color pink, your mattress will survive yet again!

~Life Lesson #4: Time outs are for mommies too
Oh we love these kiddos so very much, but something very serious happened with my girls at 2 and most notably age 4. Some stubborn, loud, knowing it all, nagging demon possessed them. Luckily, it goes away (I'm sure to rear it's lovely head again in the teenage years), but during this time it's a test like no other. They are figuring out limits and independence...and testing your limits at the same time. It's OK to get frustrated, but know that I'm pretty sure they all go through this...and we've all survived and are even looking forward to having more! I never wanted to be that mom screaming at her kids or hitting them out of shear frustration. We've learned when we have situations like this, both mom and child have a time out for the same reasons....it gives us both time to calm down and not react emotionally. We come back together and can clearly talk it through. This has worked much better in our house than anything else we've tried. And a night out with your best girl friends are so important. Plan that lunch or dinner date with them and keep it!

Oh there are so many more (and more to come I know!), but I thought this would be a fun post!

Sideways,

backwards, forwards, up, down...any way you look at it, it had to happen.

I've been doing some wrestling and struggling lately, well, for months really. Wresting with God, with what I think my life goals should be, what I should be doing with my life. I cannot describe in words what it is like to have everything you thought you wanted all of a sudden vanish as if it was never important after all. It's all been a huge April Fool's joke....and God has slowly been opening my eyes to it. I bought into the notion that I needed to do whatever I could to move up in my job...whatever the cost, working late, taking in the stress, doing what they asked me to. It was important to make the money to give my kids every opportunity....but what if the opportunities they wanted and needed were different than what I thought?

What if they just wanted the opportunity to have 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with me after a long day of school to just color or talk? What if they wanted the opportunity to come home to a mom that wasn't already stressed out from her day? Or the opportunity to watch their mom live by example....instead of just voicing to them what is important. These things I feel are so much more important than being able to buy them the latest clothes or go on trips every year. My career was becoming a shadow of what my real job should be....a mom and wife.

A support to my husband who I love more than anything in this world. Being there to get Reece ready for Kindergarten, to challenge Kyleigh and to welcome our son home. Having the time to cook and bake like I want to for my family. Having time to LIVE what I believe, instead of just preaching to my kids about it.

So, you may have guessed it by now, but as of April 21st, I will be no longer working 50+ hour weeks, stressing over deadlines that are completely out of my control, wishing I could take a break and enjoy the day...but staying chained to my computer. April 22nd will begin a new journey for our family.

This is a COMPLETE leap of faith, but I've felt this for a long time. It has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done to let this job go. It wasn't a decision made lightly. I have agonized over it for months, praying and going over our finances again and again. My amazing husband though? Absolutely no hesitation....he just wants me to be happy. Tell me again how lucky I am? I have thrown my entire life up to see where God takes it....and I'm excited to see where it goes! I am really looking forward to having Reece home with me and being with the girls this summer. I have so many things I want to do to get them ready for the next school year! And I hope to be more involved in scouts, school and pretty much anything they get into...as well as being home with our son!!!

I will be looking for something I can do very part time from home just to supplement a bit, but I know it will all work out. I've already found a few options, I just need to make a decision :-)

Anyway, that's been the big deal around here lately! Huge life changes for us again this year!

I've wanted to write...

but I've been incredibly busy this past month! March feels like a complete whirlwind, but lots of great things have happened! I wish I had some great adoption news to share, but there haven't been any referrals since the beginning/middle of February. Now they are possibly quoting up to 30 months waiting for healthy infant girls! We've seen such a change in the length of the waiting period since we began last June, but we continue to pray for patience and know that the child that is meant to be ours, will be. We are still hoping to get our referral for a boy sometime in October/November.

I have made my friends laugh by telling them my house looks like an episode of hoarders...no, really. February and March I was blessed and overwhelmed by an outpouring of stuffed animal donations...and they continue to come in strong. I'm estimating over a thousand in my house right now! I'm really hoping things slow down a bit so I can do an animal marathon and get them cleaned up and shipped out to Haiti where they are truly needed!

At the beginning of the month, Bobby went to the National Lowes Convention. He was completely blown away to learn he received the store manager of the year award for his region....what an honor! He was really humbled by it all, especially since he truly loves what he does. Anyway, he gets to have a party and everything at his store next month, how fun!

My job has been crazy. Been working a lot of extra hours, which equals extra frustration to me. Lots of stuff going on in the background on this one...that's a post for another day!

The girls are doing great. Kyleigh got glasses this month and looks so cute! Of course Reece felt left out because she didn't have glasses, so the wonderful lady at the doctor gave us a display pair for her...she wears them proudly...even with the wording on the "lenses" ;-)

Kyleigh has really been doing well in school, so well in fact that I am concerned she is not being challenged enough. I have heard from two or three separate folks in the school the same concern with her. She is consistently reading at 2 or 3 grade levels above 1st grade. They have reading groups split up among the grades and I asked what happens when she is at or above 5th grade in her school....no response. I just don't want her to get bored and start getting in trouble or lose her passion for school in general. I've also been told she has been given a "buddy" to watch over. There is another child in her class with ADHD and Kyleigh is responsible for helping him with his work...get him started...helping him along and also helping the teachers. While I appreciate the fact that she is learning to help others and being a great help to her teachers, I don't want that kind of pressure on her. She takes responsibility very seriously...if he doesn't do well, she will take it personal. Phew, I'll be glad when this school year is over!

Bobby has been doing his autocross and having a great time. They've done two races so far. I just think it's a great opportunity for him and his brother to have that time together. I'm sure our son will enjoy it one day too..or heck, even Reece would love to be out there!

Anyway, there have been some long, serious conversations going on in our house over some changes that need to be made. We are close to working out the final tweaks and I will be so happy to report the good news once I am able too!

Hope everyone is well!

It doesn't matter how bad my day is....

So, I've taken a few days away from blogging. I've been doing a lot thinking and praying about a lot of different things. You know when you feel that changes need to be made, but you are not sure what kind of changes or how to even do it? Wouldn't it be nice to get a mission statement from God along with clear instructions?

When you are a new person in God, you leave your past behind...you are literally a brand new being in His eyes. It seems a lot of the time that God has an easier time letting go of that than we do. Oh, we do really well for a while, and then those old thoughts and feelings start trying to make their way in....and it's hard not to just slip back into that same old same old. So, needless to say I have done some wrestling with myself these last few weeks, but I have come out renewed, and I think that is the important part.

I've had some really tough days at work lately...well, the last year actually and today is no different. Just when I have had it, just when I am ready to blow my top...I know I need to take a break. Kyleigh had a teacher workday today, so she is home with me and I go to hang out with her and clear my mind a bit. I LOVE God's perfect timing.

What has Kyleigh been working on while I've been fighting back anger and tears from this job you ask? A song. She has pulled out her guitar and pen and pencil and was writing her very first song.

It really reached a special place in my heart and I thought I would share it with everyone today. Just what I needed and hopefully what you need as well. Original words (and spelling!) by Kyleigh.......

I know God from my hart.

I know Jeases from hevan and you can know them to if you sing this song.

You might migt know more abawt them in your hart.

You can sing this song in your hart.

I know Jeases and God and you will too if you sing this song.

It's doesn't matter how bad my day is. It doesn't matter that I have no clue what to do right now. Kyleigh tells me all that matters is knowing God in my heart.

On the ball!

So, I have accumulated quite a few stuffed animals in the past month that I needed to clean and go through because I'm going to be getting *hopefully* hundreds more in the next couple of days, so I had a lot of work to do! My wonderful husband had pulled all of my shipments out of the boxes and ran them through the steam/sanitizing cycle, I just needed to sort them and go through them. This ended up taking longer than I thought! I probably worked on this for at least 4 hours to get through the pile I had, but I got it finished up! In case you are wondering, here is what 323 stuffed animals look like piled high and overflowing:

And then all boxed up:

**Note the shameless Lowe's plug :-)

These were going to be mailed out today, but with the "winter storm" we got here at the beach, I hung close to play in the 3 inches of snow!

Our house close by the beach...covered with snow!

Our dog Pugsley didn't like it so well

Anyway, the last of the stuffed animals will be mailed out to the NC Hwy Patrol this week. They are super excited to get them and they want to give each of their troopers 4 or 5 animals to keep in their trunks....all 1,825 troopers! Looks like I will be busy for a while!

I usually work from home, but since my department just went through a major re-org last month and we have mostly new team members, they have asked myself and another regional co-worker to come in for a couple of days. So, I will be commuting on Monday and Tuesday. I let all of my old work buddies know I was coming into the office and they are bringing stuffed animals too...in fact, the word has spread so far and I've gotten calls from all sorts of folks that are collecting for me. I hope I have enough room in the Pilot! All of these animals will go towards the first batch of a rather large Haiti donation to comfort children affected by the earthquake. For anyone reading, if you or anyone you know has stuffed animals they would like to donate, please let me know!

Tomorrow I am excited to be going to Wilmington to see my friend Meredith speak at her church on adoption. I know she's probably getting nervous, but she's going to do great! And how lucky am I to get to see her two weekends in a row!

Hope everyone is well and planning a great Valentine's Day!

I know not to get too excited but......

We finally have movement on the adoption referrals! As of right now we are sitting at.....





Congrats to all families on the list still waiting! I know I wasn't alone in my celebrating at this news! We are still looking at probably September or October for our referral, but we are just incredibly happy to be even closer to our little one! I know there are also several families waiting for travel news, so I will be hoping and praying their good news will come very soon :-)

I-171H Received!

I was shocked today to check the mail and find our I-171H already back! I thought this would take at least a month or so. Now we have done every piece of paperwork we can possibly do...we have processed everything....got it all back. Now we just wait for our referral.

It's been very slow lately. There were no referrals at all in January. So disappointing! Usually there are maybe two a month, but none? It's just discouraging when there is no movement at all. I really look forward to those Friday afternoon emails from our agency...telling us any movement that's happened that week. I know that in years past there was no movement in December and this year there was, so for that we are thankful, but just like any other mama out there, we go through times of discouragement in the wait. Please don't get me wrong, it's completely worth another year of wait or two even! And we have a new social worker at our agency in Korea, so I'm wondering how that is going to affect things as well.

I know how fast this past year has gone and I guess I'm stuck. I want time to stop because my girls are growing up so fast and I want to hit pause and enjoy every second of it...but I want my baby home too!