And I wait....

For those of you that really know me, you know that I'm always the best at waiting....who are we kidding, I really suck at it! I'm not sure if it's just my nature, if I'm accustomed to this fast paced world, or if I'm just spoiled. Probably a combo of all of that. It's so hard to wait. You feel like you should be doing SOMETHING...ANYTHING. I mean, what are you doing when you wait? Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Human is all I am. I wish that I could some how transform myself into this patient person that wants for nothing, but I've tried and miserably failed. Anyone else have a "get better at waiting" New Year's Resolution?

I found myself this weekend wondering why I am like this and I discovered that while I'm not physically doing anything while I wait, God is. He sees the big picture. It's easy to get caught up in the circumstances of what is in front of you...why do adoptions take so long? How much more of this job can I take? When are changes going to finally happen? When will I know the right thing to do? (Insert your own question you are wondering right now). While I am pondering these questions (and so much more), God hears, He knows, He is working...but in HIS time and in HIS way.

Sometimes when I am in these "funks", I remember what my life might be like if I got everything I THOUGHT was right for me back through the years. Everything in my life would be fundamentally different....and I would be heart broken. I love my husband with everything I have, my kids are my entire world, I have a good job and I am so blessed. So blessed. I have wonderful friends and family and great support. Seriously, I really stink at putting this whole life thing together because I cannot imagine a better one....and it wouldn't be this way if I would have had control so many times.

I don't expect waiting to get any easier and I probably will not ever get much better at it, but at least I understand the purpose behind it. I am being molded and so much is going on behind the scenes...and I probably wouldn't believe it now even if God himself told me today it was going to happen.

Isn't that a wonderful feeling? To know that even though you may feel like you are in the dark or unsure, you never are.

At this point, I am choosing to change my outlook on waiting. I want to look with anticipation and hope instead of fear and instability. To know that everything that is in store for me and my family is being worked out right now as I write this. All I have to do is have faith and wait for it.